Citation: ElPP. "The Fugue State: An Experience with LSD & Lithium (exp100886)". Erowid.org. Nov 12, 2020. erowid.org/exp/100886
||(blotter / tab)
||Pharms - Lithium
Thankfully, I was fortunate, but if my two sober friends were not there I wouldn't be here writing to you, but six feet under and with my mother crying over me.
It was 3:30 PM, we took the acid. My friend told me to swallow the paper, so I did, because I did not want to waste some. At first, I was a little bit wary. Maybe this is too much because it was double coated. Meh, whatever. I did it anyway. We decided to get cigarettes first before we tripped. We got back to the house and it all began. I could tell something was happening. The trip had started.
4:00 PM, The effects were getting stronger, I even puked after drinking water, I guess my body was not liking that paper. But no signs of me not being able to handle it. We played Smash Bros. for about an hour.
5:00 PM, It was raining. The effects kept getting stronger and stronger. Sound seemed to be delayed. I could hear my friends voice in echoes and it was delayed. I thought, cool this is awesome. We went back inside, and then decided to smoke a cigarette on the porch. It picked up. The rain was beautiful. Everything was so beautiful. I was in awe of the world. My friend said he saw the road wave, but it didn't to me. The rain droplets looked like they were drawn on.
6:00 PM. I was starting to peak and it was too much, I decided to call my friend to come babysit because I didn't feel in control anymore. It was too intense, I was barely holding it together.
6:30, friend gets to the house and we decide to go upstairs, to watch some Netflix. I went to another room, to gather my thoughts. Bad idea, I peaked. This was the strongest part of my trip. I was so incapacitated I just crashed on the ground, and thought shit I think I have taken too much
I was so incapacitated I just crashed on the ground, and thought shit I think I have taken too much
, and feared I was going to remain like this forever, but that wasn't true. My perception of time was just shot. I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt so impotent, so small, so little, then my head told me to make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Was I dying? I think I'm dying. Follow the white light, I was told. But no you can't die, you're a perfectly healthy person, your hair [heart?] is beating, you are still breathing. Until, it felt like it didn't.
7:00 PM, I was one with everything. I had died as a person. I was suffering from ego death. I told my friends, I kept repeating it. I was sitting down on the ground. I couldn't keep it together anymore. I started to question every aspect of my reality and came to the conclusion that us humans have all these concepts that help us make sense of our realities, but what is a concept?
7:30 PM, beginning of the fugue state. I started thinking in colors, you want yellow, I almost peed myself, you want brown, I almost shat myself but something stopped me. I didn't wanna smell. Black, death, Kurt Cobain, my friend that lived nearby has a gun. I kept asking my friends. What happens when you die? I even asked them to kill me. Red. Ooze, what oozes blood, why do you want blood? Piano upstairs, piano wire. Decapitation. Blood. Red. Black. Death. Light, you want white light. You want the white light. Seek the white light. Let's go get the gun. Kill everyone and yourself. Kill this guy he is at fault for everything. Kill yourself.
8:00 PM, other friends arrived, they knew I was suicidal. They tried their hardest to help me, but to no avail. I didn't feel anything. I had lost the ability to feel, and did not know what I wanted. I wouldn't do anything. I got up from the bed and was asked to play beer pong, I wouldn't. I was asked to come upstairs for a cigarette, I couldn't climb the stairs, I just stood there looking down. My friend carried me up the stairs. I was a shell. I felt so little. I was nothing. I didn't feel a thing. Finally they got me outside, and I was in such a state, I couldn't light my own cigarette.I couldn't even hold it. My inner thought was destroyed. Black was White, and White was Black. Everything was inverted. My brain wasn't making any sense.
8:30 PM, we go upstairs to my friend's room, they lay me on the bed and both sit around me. I try to fall asleep, I think I do, when I wake up
9:30. I wake up and check my phone. My brain is still playing games on me, but it stops with time. It tells me to accept my reality how it is. I do, everything goes back to normal. I can think again in a coherent human way. I tell my friend acid was awesome. And he tells me is it over for you? He looks very surprised. I said yeah, but I still had some remnants of the trip in me.
This was the most powerful experience I have every had to endure. I literally felt I died and was reborn. The fugue state was a very chronic depression. It happened in an instant too, with one bad thought. What I went through, I don't wish upon anyone. I was lucky that everything turned out fine in the end. I want to do acid again, but the next time around, I'm gonna make sure I'm not taking any lithium for a month.
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