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Finishing Off the Bag
bk-MDEA (Ethylone)
by Smeagol
Citation:   Smeagol. "Finishing Off the Bag: An Experience with bk-MDEA (Ethylone) (exp100879)". Erowid.org. Apr 29, 2016. erowid.org/exp/100879

 
DOSE:
  repeated oral bk-MDEA (powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT: 150 lb


Ethylone, it was not my choice to get this. It was alright maybe but for what I wanted (a recreational substance) it was not very. I got slight stimulation and increased interest, dilated pupils which did not correlate at all with the level of intoxication I was feeling. Very clearheaded but I felt compelled to be very social. I canít remember the doses I was using as this was a while ago but I do recall only slightly pushing the normal threshold because I was frustrated with it. I would guess (after doing some re-researching) I was dosing in the 100-200 range give or take. I had gone on a 2.5 day binge at this point, from the afternoon I received it, the next day, and the next.
I had gone on a 2.5 day binge at this point, from the afternoon I received it, the next day, and the next.
It was night time on the third day of my use, I had about 400mg left, I wasnít using a scale but I knew the weight of the bag I had (or rather, I had enough trust in my vendor to label it correctly). The dosages were high enough that I felt comfortable eyeballing this drug the whole time, and the effects certainly correlated with what I was reading.

So I take whatís left and itís over double what Iíve been taking. In a self destructive and frustrated choice I wrap it up into a parachute (using paper as a sort of capsule for easier administration and tastelessness) and as Iím wrapping it, it actually bursts. I have to make two. As Iím holding these two I think ďthis is probably a bad ideaĒ. And it was. At first it was great, I had finally gotten to a higher level of high, It was truly recreational and not just stimulatory and slightly relaxing and what not. I was high.

Later into the night the drug reared its ugly head. I became paranoid, that was the first sign something was wrong. I was chatting online with friends and they began to tell me I was being ratherÖ unpleasant. From the chatty and happy mood that ethylone puts me in I was now apparently being an asshole and being ďtoo curiousĒ (in this kind of community, asking too many questions is frowned upon if you know what I mean). I was talking to a friend and well, he said something to make me angry. It was probably my fault to begin with but I hadnít been aware of my actions beforehand and now I was mentally aware I was in a confrontation with this guy. We argued back and forth and back and forth and the effects of the ethylone overdose just did not stop. I began to hear voices, paranoia ramped up 10 fold. I began to see things.
I was supposed to give some information to this friend and apparently closed my laptop for over a half hour after I said ďIíll go checkĒ. I left him waiting there because I was in such a paranoid state I was afraid to open my laptop and check on him. The entire time I heard the cops whispering, parents plotting, everything. I was in total and utter fear and it was at this point I realized I was losing track of time. I thought that I was gone a mere 5 minutes.

I decide to get off the computer some while later. I thought maybe getting off would change my mindset or something. It didnít. Shadow people began to move around my room in the darkness and I would imagine they were plotting to kill me. I grabbed my knife and flashlight and held them near and dear. I recall my mother coming in and standing over my bed, I swore to everything I knew she was real. But she just stood there for what seemed like hours (time dilation wasnít that severe I was just using that as an expression). I shined my flashlight on her and she vanished. Just like that, gone. What the hell was going on? I couldnít trust my senses anymore. I couldnít trust anything I once knew. I gave up at this point, if I was going to be killed (by whoever, shadow people, cops, family, home intruders) I was just going to let it happen. I put my knife and flashlight away and I stayed up in my bed until the birds chirped and it was morning.

I got back on my computer early in the morning, by this point MOST of the paranoia and hallucinations were gone but I could still hear whispers. I saw my friend I had been arguing with online (who was on a stimulant binge as well so of course he was still in the chat) and made apologies and everything. Which didnít last long, we got into arguing again and it was horrific. I decided I was done and just got off. I needed to eat, I didnít feel hungry but I knew that I needed it. I got a yogurt. You would not believe how difficult this yogurt was to eat. First off opening my mouth hurt from all the grinding I did. It would also squeak much like a good cheese curd squeaks. It was hard to use the muscles required to eat this yogurt and even putting the spoon in my mouth was a challenge. I decided to stick to liquids.

I went off to take a shower and the whispers intensified and the paranoia came back. I was just curled in a ball under the hot water thinking I had finally done it, I had finally gone crazy. We went out as a family that day to the city and surprisingly, I had an easy enough time there. I was in a better mood although the buffet was a bit of a challenge, I managed though. It was a fun time, I wish I had been in a better mindset for that and I wish I had been able to eat more food!

For the following week and a half or so the whispers and paranoia died down, when I was alone in relative silence like in the shower or in bed at night they would come back. Not as strong as they had been but the fact that they were coming back at all bothered me. About 3 days in I realized I could out-rationalize the voices. Let me explain through the conversations I would have with the voices in my head.

Mom: Fuck you son, you know Iím going to fucking kill you, open up this door right now
Me: What did you say mom?
Mom: I said fuck you so-
Me: If you are real how are you responding to my thoughts?
Mom: Fuck

This is an actual conversation I recall having time and time again, the entire time I was taking showers these kinds of things would loop and I kept having to out rationalize the voices which WOULD make them go away for a short time.

Itís been about a year since this experience and when Iím alone I can still make these voices come out although there is no paranoia associated with it and I canít make out what they are saying anymore. This was truly a learning experience for me, since that whateveryouwannacallit Iíve been much more careful about my drug dosage and the entire ďmachoĒ thing people often do with dosing drugs doesnít appeal to me anymore. I donít recommend going high on the ethylone dosages. I hope this trip report has helped somebody who would have otherwise gone down this road like I had.

Exp Year: 2012ExpID: 100879
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 18 
Published: Apr 29, 2016Views: 2,817
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bk-MDEA (346) : Hangover / Days After (46), Multi-Day Experience (13), General (1), Alone (16)

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