Citation: bluejeans. "A Downward Spiral: An Experience with Hydrocodone with Acetaminophen (exp100842)". Erowid.org. Jan 20, 2020. erowid.org/exp/100842
I have been taking hydrocodone for over a decade now. The first time I took them I felt absolutely nothing. I was 17 and heavily into amphetamines, and I thought to myself, 'this is what people are getting addicted to?' I decided to stick with meth.
I then became pregnant at 19, so meth and all the other drugs I was taking regularly (ecstasy, weed, alcohol, cocaine, and some LSD and shrooms here and there) had to stop. I quit, cold turkey. I was even prescribed a ton of vicodin after my c-section and didn't take one.
Then one day, about 3 or so months after my son was born, in the late winter of 2003 I developed a terrible toothache (I've always had trouble with my teeth) and I took one vicodin (5/500 mg) from a bottle that had been sitting in my medicine cabinet for months.
I then continued painting the living room which I had planned on doing that day. Not only did my pain disappear, but I felt a strong sense of euphoria, similar to what I used get from amphetamines
Not only did my pain disappear, but I felt a strong sense of euphoria, similar to what I used get from amphetamines
, except without all the jitteryness, jaw clenching, and racing thoughts I get with speed. I didn't really attribute this feeling to the pills, though, since the euphoria wasn't overwhelming. I thought that I just really liked painting walls all of a sudden.
For the next three days while I waited for a dental appt. I was in an opiate bliss. My brain finally attributed the good feeling to the pills. I am very creative and it brought out a lot of creativity in me. It gave me a great desire to paint, draw, do crafts...it also cured my insomnia that I have suffered from since I was a child. It gave me such pleasant dreams and decreased my anxiety.
Soon after the tooth was fixed, I found that vicodin was an excellent treatment for my headaches and terrible anxiety that had plagued me since I had given birth (I think all the spinals I had triggered some sort of headache disorder). I have suffered from a severe anxiety disorder since I was a child, and the pills really helped to even me out. Soon I was taking them all the time. Maybe 2, 3 times a week at first, but within months it was every day. My dad had a big stash of all sorts of hydrocodone scripts which he gave to me and also wrote me a few scripts himself (he's a doctor). Soon, though, the pills ran out, my dad didn't want to write more scripts, and I was left high and dry. That's when I really began to hit the bottle, or 6 pack rather, and was up to 5 to 6 beers a night to cope with the sudden lack of pills.
They are always around in one way or another, though, and soon I found a new source. My fiance's mother had crippling arthritis and had a steady intake of vicodin and all sorts of other painkillers. I was only interested in the vicodin, however, and she graciously would lend a dozen every few weeks or so for headaches. I did still suffer from headaches, but I won't lie, I took pills even when I didn't have a headache.
In 2007 I left my fiance for a good friend, and that's when everything changed. I became very depressed, my anxiety was driving me insane. My life was completely turned upside-down, and I began taking as much vicodin as I could get my hands on. This is when I began to build a tolerance.
Over the next five years I have built a huge tolerance to hydrocodone, 6x what I used to take, and my anxiety and depression have become intolerable (mostly from all the increasing stresses in my life - bad marriage, more kids, money problems, drinking problem, and I cut myself when very depressed). When I take hydrocodone, my mental problems are held at bay, but I question whether they are helping, or hurting me at this point.
When I take hydrocodone, my mental problems are held at bay, but I question whether they are helping, or hurting me at this point.
Sometimes I wish I had never taken it, I find trouble being happy if I don't take them. Other times I can't imagine life with out it. I feel so blessed and lucky to have something that is so 'special.'
Do not underestimate this drug. Opiates are very addictive. I do have an addictive personality. I know that my brain has physiologically changed because of all the booze, drugs, and antidepressants I am on. And they don't seem to be helping. If they did, I would be a much happier person right now, but I am not.
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