Citation: Chindian. "Hell And Back: An Experience with 25I-NBOMe (exp100088)". Erowid.org. Jun 2, 2013. erowid.org/exp/100088
||(powder / crystals)
Set and Setting
Shit gets spread around. Really nasty shit. In my case, this shit was a little powder called 25i-nbome. It was the night of an art festival right in the middle of downtown. The place was crowded like a motherfucker. You literally could not walk a foot in front of you without clashing into someone else. My boy, V, was standing there beside me the entire time. We make our way to an ally to do up the chop. I knew that this research chem was about 16 times the potency of 2ci, but really what the fuck do I know. I didnít know shit. I didnít know that snorting $20 worth would have sent me flying to the hospital; a pathetic little bump.
We head off to find a nice secluded chill spot to come up. The drug is hitting me lightning fast. Within 10 minutes I can already feel my entire torso tighten (most likely from my blood vessels constricting). We meet up with the rest or our group and settle down behind a nice church, and within 20 minutes a bunch of cops show up kicking us out. Wandering the crowded streets, I knew I was in a bad situation. My eyes are assaulted by colorful kaleidoscopic geometric shapes; I was ravaged by the visuals.
At one point, there is literally nothing in my periphery that is not completely clouded with psychedelic hallucinations. And at that moment, my boy V looks at me and says, ďLetís just get lostÖĒ with the biggest grin on his face. This is about the part where I start to black out, and the ground fell from beneath my feet. I try to keep a close eye on V, to make sure I didnít lose himÖÖ..Oh shit I think I just lost him.
Wandering around in an intoxicated daze, I black out completely. On that night, the small part of my mind that was barely hanging on to reality only caught a few flashes of red and blue lights, and a few vague faces here and there. I distinctly remember my friend J looking into my face, yelling at me, trying to tell me something. I was so fucked up a friend had to call an ambulance. And in just a few confusing split seconds, I wake up in a hospital.
The Trip (What was going on inside my head during the blackout)
I was in hell. Not hell in the traditional ďfire and brimstoneĒ sense of the word; no steaming hot lakes of sulfur, no pain, no torture, nothing. But that was it. The feeling of being in hell was literally nothing. I was trapped in this hole I couldnít crawl out of. Every time I tried to escape I just sank deeper and deeper. I could not sense anything other than complete and utter blackness. Any sign of life or existence would have been Disneyland compared to this. But there was no life, not even a rock or a single blade of grass - just, nothing. Iíd gladly shake hands with the devil rather than be in this state. A tiny fraction of my consciousness was still aware however, still alive to witness my imprisonment.
As Iím painfully shoved further and further into the abyss, I begin to hear a very high pitched scream. At first I disregard it as nothing. Like a shadow it creeps up on me. It gets louder, and louder, and deeper, and deeper. When I try to focus on it, my head feels as if itís being rocketed into a concrete floor face first, by some unknown force; a force whose sole purpose is to inflict pain. The imagery of me falling into the ground plays over and over again in my vague imagination. But the screaming just becomes more and more intense. Iím reminded of nails screeching across a chalkboard; the clashing of metal and glass in a high speed car collision. This sensation overwhelms me, and it soon crams my every orifice with discomfort.
The bashing has now become a constant pain, replaying the image of myself falling into the concrete, each time faster, and louder, and a thousand times more powerful. The intensity continues to rise and the quagmire of stimuli slowly materializes into a chaotic fuckfest of naked and violent imagery. I can feel in my head, a graphic image of bloodiness and brutality, but somehow I still cannot make out anything as a recognizable image. As if in a flash, EVERYTHING, all this fucked up shit Iím taking in, boils down and manifests into one question. I feel the presence of a nurse-like figure looking at me. She asks, ďWhat is that?Ē To which I heard the response, ďNot really much of anythingĒ.
I die. Iíve passed on into the great beyond. A hook plunges through my body and yanks me out of that deep, depressing hole. I am hauled out with an indescribably furious power. A carpet, made with magnificently elaborate embroidery, has been yanked straight from underneath my feet. I see a desolate wasteland, and a tiny speck of life Ė a tiny speck of my own consciousness is squeezed and churned out of the world in a ruthless manner. Iím pulled back thousands of kilometers and bear witness to the vastness of the earth. Iím pulled back millions of light years and bear witness to the vastness of the solar system. Iím pulled back millions of light years more, and bear witness to the vastness of the galaxy and the billions of solar systems contained within it. Iím pulled back an astronomical distance and bear witness to the vastness of the universe, and the billions of galaxies that are contained within it. I am yanked out even further only to be exposed to the sight of the billions of universes that constitute something I can only guess would be the multiverse.
As I give in to astonishment one last time, I become dumbfounded as Iím dragged back only to look upon the incomprehensible vastness of the clusters of these bubble-like shapes that contain within each of them, a multiverse. In a seemingly effortless process, the bubbles change and manifest into cells. These mutated multi-verse cell-bubbles start to come together. They group more and more until they have manifested my entire body.
I understand the answer; I understand what ďnot really much of anythingĒ truly means. And as I gain this knowledge, this transcendent piece of wisdom, everything explodes into a bright white light. I open my eyes for the first time, and see the most beautiful rays of white sunlight shine on my face. I listen and hear the most profoundly beautiful music, as if it was the first time I had ever listened to anything. I felt as if I was being held and stroked by an angel, my muse, as if she was the most nurturing and gentle woman in the world, whispering in my ear, ďrelax, something has happened, you are in a place of healing, everything is going to be alright.Ē I can feel her gentle hand caress my heart.
As I become more aware of my surroundings, my body shifts back and forth between my physical body and the billions of bubble-like cells. I can feel her stroke, her affectionate love engorge each and every one of those cells. And then, I take my first breath. I inhale life. But it is not just my lungs; it is also my arms, my legs, and every single cell in my body that takes a breath for the first time. I feel the essence of pure energy, and life, and oxygen, flowing through each and every one of my cells. I feel like Iím absorbing stimuli as if each and every one of those cells had an individual consciousness, and I was collectively interpreting all of them. I am born a second time, as if I had never been born before.
Now hereís where it gets really fucked up. At the same time all of this is happening, literally in the exact same time frame, an idea formulates in the back of my mind; a dead, rotting, rat carcass. A potent odor is steaming off of its body. The skin has begun to decompose; its insides are completely mutilated as if it was trapped in an airplane turbine. The idea and image of the creature becomes increasingly visceral. It almost feels as if this grotesque pile of waste is coming from me, as if it is a part of me. The hook lodges itself into my mind and yanks. As Iím flying upwards, I feel the rat carcass brutally rip off the back of my mind. Time freezes; a part of my consciousness floats above my head and rises only a couple inches. I look down on my body, and then my face. What I saw when turned around I will never forget. I looked at my face, and recognized it as my own. It was placed however, adjacent to the rats face. There they stood, side by side. They seamlessly morphed together until half of my face was my own, and the other half was the rats. There was no definitive line separating where my face ended, and the rats began. I was revealed to myself, what I truly was - not really much of anything.
Walking out of that hospital I had never felt so vulnerable in my entire life.
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