{"id":28,"date":"2005-09-29T19:01:41","date_gmt":"2005-09-30T02:01:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.erowid.org\/columns\/scotto\/?p=28"},"modified":"2005-09-29T19:01:41","modified_gmt":"2005-09-30T02:01:41","slug":"50-milligrams-of-what","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.erowid.org\/columns\/scotto\/?p=28","title":{"rendered":"50 Milligrams of What?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\t\u201cYou said come over here fast. I got here in eight minutes. I had to miss the end of Alias<\/em>. What\u2019s the big idea?\u201d
\n\t\u201cI need your help. I figure a guy like you will know what to do. Seriously, I\u2019m in a hell of a jam.\u201d
\n\t\u201cAll right, come clean. What\u2019s the scoop?\u201d
\n\t\u201cSee this?\u201d
\n\t\u201cIt\u2019s a shoe box.\u201d
\n\t\u201cNo, you big baboon, it\u2019s my stash. I got my entire drug collection in here.\u201d
\n\t\u201cYou keep your drug collection in a shoe box?\u201d
\n\t\u201cWhere am I supposed to put it, in a museum? Now shut up for a second. I been collecting drugs for years, you understand. See this? What do you suppose this is?\u201d
\n\t\u201cLooks like eye drops.\u201d
\n\t\u201cRight, which means it\u2019s LSD, because LSD goes in the Visine bottle. What about this?\u201d
\n\t\u201cIt\u2019s a bag of mushrooms.\u201d
\n\t\u201cRight! Easy! Now take a look at this.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI\u2019m looking.\u201d
\n\t\u201cTell me what that is.\u201d
\n\t\u201cIt\u2019s a bag of capsules.\u201d
\n\t\u201cCan you be more specific?\u201d
\n\t\u201cIt\u2019s a bag of capsules with white powder in them.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI\u2019m not blind, you lousy snake brain! I\u2019m asking you, what is that white powder?\u201d
\n\t\u201cHow the hell should I know? It\u2019s your bag!\u201d
\n\t\u201cThat\u2019s my problem! Back when I got this bag, I clearly must have known what it was, or I wouldn\u2019t have put it in the shoe box. It don\u2019t go in the shoe box unless it\u2019s of significant value and merit, you understand?\u201d
\n\t\u201cRight, so why didn\u2019t you label it?\u201d
\n\t\u201cWell, let\u2019s say a guy doesn\u2019t know he\u2019s even starting a drug collection. He\u2019s just, you know, collecting drugs, thinking he might take \u2019em next weekend, or the week after. Of course he\u2019ll remember what it is. But then, see this bag?\u201d
\n\t\u201cIt\u2019s another bag of capsules.\u201d
\n\t\u201cMY POINT EXACTLY!\u201d
\n\t\u201cAin\u2019t you ever heard of a Sharpie?\u201d
\n\t\u201cSure, look at this bag, all the capsules are clearly labeled \u201850 milligrams.\u2019\u201d
\n\t\u201cFifty milligrams of what?\u201d
\n\t\u201cHow the hell should I know? THAT\u2019S MY GODDAMN PROBLEM! Look, this bag here, these are all pressed tabs with a cute little Playboy bunny on them. You get a bag like that, you just throw it in the shoe box and rest content in the knowledge that you have a nice long weekend with very little motor control ahead of you and that\u2019s that. But this bag here, I mean, a fellow could spend his whole life wondering what these goddamn gel caps are, and never get high!\u201d
\n\t\u201cI don\u2019t get it. You do not have an infinite number of unmarked caps in there.\u201d
\n\t\u201cNo, no I don\u2019t, but what I do have is a tendency to do drugs on occasion, which as you can imagine has resulted in a shall we say degradation of the ol\u2019 memory banks.\u201d
\n\t\u201cIt\u2019s a real dilemma.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI\u2019m telling you, it is! Look, somebody went to the trouble of cooking that powder up in a very clandestine lab somewhere, and somebody else went to the trouble of measuring it out very precisely and dumping it into these handy vegan gel caps. It would be a CRIMINAL ACT to just dump this stuff in the toilet!\u201d
\n\t\u201cTechnically, it would be a criminal act to keep it in a shoe box.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWill you shut up<\/em>? I\u2019m saying, it\u2019s got to be something<\/em> worth taking. But I mean, Christ, I find a pill on the floor nowadays, and if I can\u2019t trace the markings on the Internet, I still got to stick it in the shoe box because it might be worth<\/em> something!\u201d
\n\t\u201cI don\u2019t know, if it\u2019s on the floor then it\u2019s got dirt on it\u2014\u201d
\n\t\u201cListen, you giant ape, I\u2019m telling you we have a real situation here. We can\u2019t just walk into the university and ask for an analysis! For starters, those bastard college students would just tell us it\u2019s placebo and keep it for their lascivious sex parties. But what are we going to do with it? You can\u2019t take it to a rave and sell it as a Mystery Mickey \u2013 well, actually, those raver kids ain\u2019t always that bright, but what I mean is, you can\u2019t in good conscience<\/em> do that\u2026 so I\u2019m left with a shoe box full of white powder and nothing I can do with it!\u201d
\n\t\u201cNow that ain\u2019t true. Look, it ain\u2019t poison, you know that much.\u201d
\n\t\u201cSome of the stuff I took in my life, that\u2019s debatable.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI\u2019m just saying, when you put it in the shoe box, you thought it was worth having, your dirty floor pills notwithstanding. So just start taking these caps and see what happens.\u201d
\n\t\u201cThat is a completely irresponsible suggestion! Have you no shame?\u201d
\n\t\u201cNo, I have no shame. I also have no shoe box, so I suggest you invite me over when you do it.\u201d
\n\t\u201cThere ain\u2019t ground control this side of the Mississippi that would sit for a night like that.\u201d
\n\t\u201cClearly we will have to hire professionals.\u201d
\n\t\u201cAnd who would that be?\u201d
\n\t\u201cCanadians.\u201d
\n\t\u201cOh for Christ\u2019s sake. You\u2019re about as helpful as a brush fire on a submarine.\u201d
\n\t\u201cWell, if we can\u2019t consume the stuff, we may as well get rid of it. It\u2019s a sad state of affairs, but seriously, get yourself a goddamn Sharpie and move on with your life. You may as well just throw everything in the toilet and have a burial at sea. And face facts: you\u2019re a drug abuser, plain and simple, the way you treat that powder, like a bum, like a dirty heel with no respect.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI feel like I need to do penance.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI feel the same way. And that\u2019s why I\u2019m confiscating this bag of Playboy pills, before you forget you even have \u2019em and the shoe box gets tossed in the recycling.\u201d
\n\t\u201cSome friend you turned out to be.\u201d
\n\t\u201cI\u2019ll be even more friendly with a couple of these pills in me. You mind if I just watch TV over here for a while?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cYou said come over here fast. I got here in eight minutes. I had to miss the end of Alias. What\u2019s the big idea?\u201d \u201cI need your help. I figure a guy like you will know what to do. Seriously, I\u2019m in a hell of a jam.\u201d \u201cAll right, come clean. What\u2019s the scoop?\u201d \u201cSee […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.erowid.org\/columns\/scotto\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.erowid.org\/columns\/scotto\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.erowid.org\/columns\/scotto\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.erowid.org\/columns\/scotto\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.erowid.org\/columns\/scotto\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=28"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.erowid.org\/columns\/scotto\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.erowid.org\/columns\/scotto\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=28"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.erowid.org\/columns\/scotto\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=28"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.erowid.org\/columns\/scotto\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=28"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}