Erowid
 
 
Plants - Drugs Mind - Spirit Freedom - Law Arts - Culture Library  
Horizons: Perspectives on Psychedelics - Oct 5-7
An event in New York City that examines the role of psychedelic drugs
and plant medicines in science, medicine, culture and spirituality.
B. James
Carbogen Logbooks #1 and #3
1998-2007
by B. James & Erowid
v1.0 - Jun 7, 2007
Citation:   James B & Erowid. "Carbogen Logbooks #1 and #3". Erowid.org. Jun 4 2007. erowid.org/chemicals/carbogen/carbogen_info2.shtml
[ Please see the article discussing these results in Carbogen Redux from Erowid Extracts Issue #12. ] The following are entries from logbooks #1 and #3 from B. James' work with carbogen. Logbook #2, covering sessions in the Netherlands, still remains undigitized. Each entry represents a single 'session' with carbogen. A few individuals have multiple sessions included in the logbooks. Because many entries in the logbooks were anonymized, it is not always possible to tell when the same individual occurs more than once, although it is noted on a few entries.

Some of the entries have been edited for clarity, but many of the comments and quotes are still difficult to fully understand. Fragmentary comments are left as recorded in the logbooks.

VC stands for Vital Capacity, meaning a single very deep, full breath.

Logbook #1 : 1998 - 1999 #
#s1
Mar 27 1998
goal: 25
Carbogen-B Music: Enigma 11:23pm 5-> sped up breathing, slowed at 11, break and at 15, cries at 23, 25 heavy, fast, deep breaths with loud exhalations. 11:2 quieted breathing 11:26 "The mask's off?" "How many?" "Wow, that..." At 4, I saw something coming on... colors ... didn't recognize administrator at first. 12:10 "I laughed"
#s2
Mar 28 1998
goal: 10
Carbogen L Music: Bang A Gong Get It On 12:06am "I'll probably do 10". 6 slight breaths, 9 sighting exhale, 10 pronounced exhale, in 6 or so more, sighing exhale, ahh hoo! *giggle*. "That was great!" 12:09 "White light again... jerry seinfeld" Notes at about 7, moved face indication to breath other air.
#s3
Mar 28 1998
Carbogen-L 12:10 "I want to do it again" Music : Lay your hands, thompson twins note: agreed to a more forceful application of the mask, even if he resists a pure breath again (?) 12:11 5-slower -> 10 5 more sped up, 10 more "thank you" 12:12 eyes open smiling "It's essence oriented". "The businessman's R."
#s4
Mar 28 1998
goal: 10, then 20
Carbogen J 12:37 goal: 10, then 20 12:41: 4 breaths : "there's something about the nose" 12:42 "it's that burning sensation" 12:43 goal 20 reached 20 12:45 speech "oh that was wonderful"
#s5
Mar 28 1998
goal: 10
Carbogen B with some marijuana 1:05am goal: 10 1:06 1st breath sped up after two, after 7, greater pause. A little wheezy afterwards breathing, quieted by 1:08 1:08 "wow" 1:09 "I like that stuff. It could be the best." 1:11 "Colors I can still see it. I must have had my eyes open!" "I was flying through a flower, fractal..."
Batch Information
3rd batch into Airco Cylinder Full + n2o cylinder = 900 psi on 'hand tightened' gauge 02 650 psi on handt gauge C02 / 905 psi =
#s6
May 2 1998
* Not a Carbogen Session * B : 40 breaths pure o2 - no change
#s7
May 2 1998
A : 2 minutes a little light headed, bad taste like nitrous
#s8
May 2 1998
B
goal: -- achieved: --
B : 1 minute fastest breathing possible, a little head rush, some contrast flickering in field of vision
#s9
May 2 1998
B
goal: 10 achieved: ?
B: 10 : oh don't stop
#s10
May 2 1998
J
goal: 13 achieved: 6
J: 13 stopped at 6 with convers : I can't imagine pushing it beyond this, it was inc, bright light, brighter than nitrous, very alive, impressive color
#s11
May 2 1998
D
goal: 25 achieved:26
D: 25-26 many false, dreadful, glad you took it off, 15 pattern visual discomfort, glad I didn't, not ready to do it again.
#s12
May 2 1998
J
goal: 18 achieved: 2
J 18-2
#s13
May 26 1998
JV n17
goal: 20 achieved: 20
12:14 Chai 1 cup 12:37 : goal 20 Deep breathing, eyes wide open, what happened, I'm trying to remember, remember at 9, interesting, can't remember
#s14
May 29 1998
N
goal: ? achieved: 11
Chocolate covered espresso beans to excess, no mountain dew 9:24: after 3 breaths, sped up some, gestured at 11 to stop, breathing was fast for a minute and a half, then calmer. 9:26: laughter "hello? did I make it to 25? I zoned out about at 5, I think. The whole world turned red, then snow, then Speed Racer land but really bad backgrounds..." "strange, I don't remember anything past 4." 9:29: "ok"
#s15
May 29 1998
B
goal: ? achieved: ?
9:31 "death is going to be very personal" "I rarely do things by myself" "snow and patterns with centerpoint"
#s16
May 31 1998
n17
goal: 30 achieved: 30
4:34: Goal 30 Sitting up 7 or 8 faster, to 30, eyes wide, breathing hard for a minute or so, 4:37 eyes started to move around; 30 seconds later, hands moving around a bit 4:38 shoo wooshing wounds "oh wow.. how many breaths?" I was going through a space where I was definitely there.. spot, psych. space... living an existence somewhere else, an alternate / dif dimension. I was just becoming aware of whatever I was." 17-30 I was probably there, tried to close eyes but couldn't. Pupil slight dilation.
#s17
Jun 1 1998
RB n19
goal: 13 achieved: 13
Goal 13 12:22 Pretty steady, sped up a little at 7 to 13, deep, deep breaths. 12:13 wooh, wooshing sounds, 1/2 minute later, less panting, 1/4 minute later, laughter, then serious giggles "oh my it was neat. I went to like this paradise land... wow" "4 or 5 brigthly starry zone, drift on past that to lush, green paradise, it was neat." "beauty, it was very good." Question: How long did your discomfort stay with you? "After about 4, saw the stars, didn't think much about it." "It is very, very visual once you get past the star land. Then you're coming back and its like, wait a minute!" "Similar but totally different from DMT... even as far as the feeling of being just yanked."
#s18
Jun 1 1998
NC
goal: 18 achieved: 16
12:33: 16 Max 1st breath, 2 sped up breathing, stopped after 6th, deep panting, 1/4 minute to calm, quiet. 12:34: smile, "I'm OK" "the thought that struck me is reality is really cool, and that I wasn't ready to walk away from that yet. It was kind of funky." "... didn't want to get past the television screen... I'm just looking at a screen that's all white noise, there's some order, but I can't figure out what the order was." "I don't know if there's actually boundaries... like the television is always shown in the movies where there's the static... and there's this sound of .. a pulsing reereer, which I'd say is more panic-- causing than the television." "the sound would be in a wave.. I get a lot of sound."
#s19
Jun 1 1998
AR
goal: 1 VC achieved: 1 VC
12:47 sighs, positive sounding "that must be some fine place" "It's like the start of 5meo and what it should be visually."
#s20
Jun x 1998
RB n19
goal: 16 achieved: 16
Relaxed-<6 faster-<9 gap after 10-<12 calm -< 16 Breathing fast but not laboriously 20 seconds "phew ... I'm back" sounds, 20 seconds, a change the sound, 20 more, giglging, laughing "...such a good place... I don't know" The administrator was the most affected during this session
#s21
Jun x 1998 9:15pm
n21
goal: 12 achieved: 6
2 shallow, slowly-> made it to 6 Oh wow shit. I felt like I was starting to gasp/choke. I don't hear anything, head intense, pressure, head in circles, spinning and spinning.
#s22
Jun 1 1998
NC n18
goal: 15 + 10 achieved: ?
goal 15 + verbal response, then + 10 10:52: slowly, full full breaths, 40 seconds of slightly audible breathing, quiet 30 more seconds (laughs). Responds. "no .. a lot of that" "enjoying the steps but I'm doing the (big? little?) steps rather than the (baby?) steps so I'm doing it backwards.
#s23
Jun x 1998
RA n22
goal: 14 achieved: ?
10:01 35(?) First slow 8 light, second big, before 3 "you're pushing too hard" --STOPPED-- even, slow pace sped up after 3 "It's like feeling like suffocating" "I don't think I'm ready to go through with this."
#s24
Jun x 1998
PR n23
goal: 13 achieved: 6
10:13pm smile, giggle, sounded just like when she has an orgasm. good good good wow, uncontrollable laughter.
#s25
Jun x 1998
JW n24
goal: 13 achieved: 13
10:20 Said while in state: "Ohhh Ohh, Wow, Yeah, Open your eyes, open your eyes, open your eyes" "nice, mmm, *laugh*, *nod*, yes, very nice, trust that's all, experience trust, when I initially opened my eyes I saw it all. But not aware of what it was."
#s26
Jun x 1998
JK n25
goal: 11 achieved: 11
10:25 I wanted more, laugh giggle, It wasn't tricky, I first wanted to keep going, I saw rows & rows of stars. I felt like there was more to see. Can I try it again?
#s27
Jun x 1998
?
goal: 15 achieved: 16
10:31pm Quiet, calm ahhh, smile, lots and lots of plants, they were really real looking, traveling through that world took longer to get hit the second time
#s28
Jun 10 1998
DV
goal: 10 achieved: 10
12:52 4-5 about here is like nitrous, speckley view, red spots, I was defiinitely on the verge of passing out.
#s29
1998
?
goal: 10 achieved: 10
12:55 woooo, I can feel my eyes twitching *nystagmus like stasein [?]* [Editor: unable to read text: stageim, steseim?]
#s30
1998
?
goal: 1 VC achieved: 1 VC
1 VC 1:14 Your basic rush, like any thing, tonng tingly
#s31
1998
JD n27 age 36
goal: 17 achieved: 9
"not the pleasant experience, nor hallucinogenic. no."
#s32
1998
MH n28
goal: 1 VC achieved: 1 VC
Red Rush Flush
#s33
1998
?
goal: 17 achieved: 17
17-17 slow, self-administered well..
#s34
1998
?
goal: 15 achieved: 5
15-5 big lung fulls hands flopped down at 4 -- after 5 -- hand wave -- no more. 30 seconds of sped-up breathing
#s35
1998
?
goal: 10 achieved: 10
10-10 : hand tingle, sped up after 3, loud exhalations when mask was removed- breathing changed in about a minute and a half, more eyes oepened "lots of imagery.. artistic style paintings flashing before me people and imagery, then turned to colors.. jackson pollock type. Non-sustainable, all very fast. I can't track it.. a million images... before my face.. Nitrous I don't get imagery, just tears up things."
#s36
1998
OE n29
goal: 17 achieved: 17
pre-bears 17-17 *great smile* subaudible 'wow'. That's quite a trip. If I could only remember. With colors as I came out, I lost the visions, tiny headache new from experience + hand tingle.
#s37
1998
S n30
goal: 13 achieved: 13
13-13 pre pot & caffeine m-m-good. I'll sleep good tonight. It was intensely beautiful. I think there was some kind of mesage, but I missed it.
#s38
1998
K
goal: 20 achieved: 20
K. 20- lights off at first breath, "wow", that was really goofy. I guess I'm in a state of thinking I'm not sure I want to do that again, lights out was more disorienting with no visual stim. Comical, ridiculous thing to do, it's old hat now.
#s39
1998
n30
goal: 17 achieved: 6
giggles at 4 after 6, legs and arms moving "oh" 15 seconds later, hmming nice, positive sounds. [graph depicting pitch of the hmm shows the 'hmm' starting low and going up in pitch, then coming back down, like a mountain] I felt too tired to continue visual, very geometric, scattered back and forth then drew out in a line in front of me.
#s40
Sep 1 1998
DP
goal: 26 achieved: 26
1:15 26, eyes closed 13 or so to 21. quick, heavy breaths mellow in 15 seconds. 1:10 later "hmm, that's sobering." *chuckle* "hmmm" "the music's a little distracting" (sped up dance beat) "its a confrontation with breathing" -- thought he as conscious the whole time 5-10 min later "that's sobering, it's nice." "it was grounding, wasn't so much like I went some place, a previous time, it was almost like I went through a veil, in acceptance or something."
#s41
Sep 1 1998 1:35am
LM
goal: 15 achieved: 15
15 -<10 in 20 seconds in 15 seconds, a longer exhale in 15 more seconds, quiet, about 3 more minutes of silence, hands together, at mouth. Arms cross, thinks she'd like to go back in a few min, "I sure went someplace that I've never been before." "Yeah, I think that I'd love to go back."
#s42
Sep 1 1998 2:15am
LM
goal: 15 achieved: 15
Begin: :45 shallow, quick breaths 10:00 still shallow 15:15 30 secons for 15 [unable to read] enheleteen? at 2:30 I got more colors/visuals first time. More bodily this time. First time more intense.
#s43
Sep 7 1998
CD
goal: 25 achieved: 25
slow deep breaths, speeding up a bit at 13 eyes wide open, shaking, jittering, teeth clenched. eyes closed after 15 sec or so. 30 sec later quiet. in about 2 min "wow" I don't remember what it was, just there was this one moment when everything in the universe was -boom- perfect. There was music or something and it all came up to this moment. 6 or 7, last number remembered, very much like peak peak peak A experience. There was a little dream sequence afterwards. Do remember the #s didn't matter - totally religious #, #, #, BOOM. It was like, religious, total fusion for a moment, it was definitely totally gone... extreme consciousness (not passed out).
November 1998 Batch IV 640 O2 + 980 CO2 CO2 press = 890-640 = 250 psi CO2/O2+O2 = 250/980 = 28% CO2, 72% O2
#s44
Nov 24 1998 11:59pm
MS born 1968
goal: 25 achieved: 25
breaths slowly accelerating after 6, all very full breaths. Shaking-hard first breaths for a minute, then eyes open, smiling, "wow". "incredible" "a frightening element to it" "no narrative structure or content brought back, but very detached from all this."
#s45
Nov 24 1998
CD born 1970
goal: ? achieved: ?
Deep, slow breaths sped up a little after 8. Shaking body, seizure-like, stiff leg up, then hand up in air, plus vocalizations, calmed down a bit in about a minute, but still tense and shakey. At about 2 minutes, a look of recognition, hand lowered. "wow that was really intense". A whole blast of light and this interaction, that's why I had my hands up... a whole dream sequence like something out of star wars." He was sure (there) that he would remember it. Opposite arm (left) & leg (right). He described bright pink and white light was careening all around him.
#s46
Nov 25 1998 12:50am
DE born 1963
goal: 20 achieved: 20
(looking to maintain a visual image i.e. eyes open) breaths sped up at 4, hands flailed at 10, but pulled mask back on, deep breaths, head shaking, speech almost right away. "that was excellent" @ 10, the visual image no longer looked like itself, lots of lights and patterns, no rapid eye movements, "grid-like space of lights: not unpleasant--very nice." (looking at george washington's face-- the patterns start to disassociate from the face.)
#s47
Nov 25 1998 1:04am
CD born 1970
goal: 1 VC achieved: 1 VC
"that's actually quite entertaining... much more of a body.. you can feel energy."
#s48
Nov 25 1998 1:07am
DE born 1963
goal: 1 VC achieved: 1 VC
"its nice... not intense very soft." "very smooth" visual softening still felt a bit at 45 seconds.
#s49
Nov 25 1998 1:10am
MS born 1968
goal: 25 achieved: 25
breath sped up after 3. All deep breaths. About 13, body tesnse, after knees bent, feet on floor, raised hips off the ground for a moment. Within 30 seconds, looking around incredulously - back. At one minute: "wow". "much stronger than last time." Definitely not pleasant. Remembers just the end- so confused as to what was happening, where he was. "no anchor to hold onto at all." Pause in breathing at 20, plus eyes closed, seeming change in state.
#s50
Mar 8 1999
JW
goal: 10 achieved: ?
10 I found it ? you/he thank you. we found how to do it now. I got such an insight, but another great big tool that can be used in our psych. treasure test. How can you talk after 25? some indication low #s are good - you can tell your experience and be reminded of it. You get back parts of your soul that you lost. Through fear or an accident, you get back some part of your soul that would've been gone forever.
#s51
Mar 14 1999
?
goal: 15 achieved: 6
Right side headache beforehand. Intention--to meet guardian Angel. Sped up at 3, stopped at 6, s mile, didn't mean to stop, just moving. *laughter* After 15 seconds, " that was funny". saw flower petal type patterns in circles, flat like she was going to go up through them. Her mind was here the whole time.
#s52
Mar 14 1999
?
goal: 15 achieved: 14
little headache, still to 14 but with lots of little breaths, deep breathing for 15 seconds, afterwards then calmed down. Smile? after 15 more seconds. Didn't get as far as guardian angel-- dif 2nd time-- mind was talking. These were shallower breaths -- 10 not as visual as 6 were the last time.
The following log entries from Nov 17 1998 were collected when the logbook was not present and in a context where it was not possible to take notes, so they exist simply as one line per person-session.

#s53
Nov 17 1998
T born 1967
goal: 12 achieved: 7
No notes taken.
#s54
Nov 17 1998
D born 1972
goal: 10 achieved: 3
No notes taken.
#s55
Nov 17 1998
A born 1944
goal: 11 achieved: 5
No notes taken.
#s56
Nov 17 1998
G born 1968
goal: 20 achieved: 5
No notes taken.
#s57
Nov 17 1998
E born 1976
goal: 11 achieved: 11
No notes taken.
#s58
Nov 17 1998
I born 1963
goal: 23 achieved: 23
No notes taken.
#s59
Nov 17 1998
F
goal: 23 achieved: 23
No notes taken.
#s60
Nov 17 1998
N born 1967
goal: 17 achieved: 17
No notes taken.
#s61
Nov 17 1998
T born 1967
goal: 15 achieved: 17
No notes taken.
#s62
Nov 17 1998
A born 1944
goal: 12 achieved: 10
No notes taken.
#s63
Nov 17 1998
F
goal: 23 achieved: 9
No notes taken.
#s64
Nov 17 1998
E born 1967
goal: 23 achieved: 9
No notes taken.
#s65
Nov 17 1998
S born 1971
goal: 20 achieved: 7
No notes taken.
#s66
Nov 17 1998
S born 1971
goal: 18 achieved: 18
No notes taken.
#s67
Nov 17 1998
C born 1950
goal: 17 achieved: 7
No notes taken.
#s68
Nov 17 1998
N born 1967
goal: 22 achieved: 4
No notes taken.
#s69
Nov 17 1998
A born 1971
goal: 10 achieved: 4
No notes taken.

Logbook #3 : 2007 #
#s3-1
Mar 2007
DD
goal: 5 achieved: 5
[Editor: Sessions 3-1 through 3-9 were audio-recorded as well as logbook-recorded; notes and transcripts for each session are included. During individual sessions, transcriber's notes and questions from other subjects appear in brackets.] Post: Relaxed, hands on lap. Eyes moving. Pauses in breath 2. Scrunching face after 5 breaths. First utterance: "That's very strong… Ok hm." Deep breaths after 5. "Not as unpleasant as I expected." FROM TRANSCRIPT: OK. t+01:48-02:11 (5 breaths) That's very strong. ... OK that's very odd. Hm. [t+02:35 Are you back to baseline?] No. t+02:50 Not as unpleasant as I expected, I guess. I would say that's very strong body sensation all the way through... It started off with a sensation that I wanted to not be breathing it. But then as I like sort of first breath, started evaluating it, it's not that bad. Like sucking off the top of a Coke can. Sort of strange sensation, like pfft sensation. And then flush throughout my body of kind of a weird… buzz. Sort of a weird heavy, like I'm really drunk, like I've been drunk for a while. My whole body is infused with a sensation of it's still there partially, not very strong, kind of nitrousy in a tiny little bit of a way. Huh. It seemed like it was going somewhere. By the fourth breath, was where it was like ok this is really strong. And it definitely doesn't just seem like I'm holding my breath. It doesn't have anything like the sensations [Especially since that's not anywhere as long as you would easily hold your breath. all 5 of those together are less than you would easily hold your breath.] Still feel a little shaky, physically. Not exactly unpleasant, still. Feels like I need to go outside and breathe some air. [How would you characterize your awareness of external reality?] Complete. Hyperaware. It was just at that point where I was like this is getting very strong, surprisingly strong. It's not overwhelming yet. [Nausea?] No. No nauseous feeling at all. Like so with cannabis, the muscular effect of cannabis, where when I'm sore and I smoke pot, and my muscles no longer feel sore, they feel energized, I can feel my muscles kind of. It's a little bit in that kind of realm. I want to stretch… or sprint… go outside. Anyway, so. EDITED IN FROM LATER IN TRANSCRIPT: I think I remember leaving my eyes open, because I felt my eyesight start to go wonky, at about 4. [was the unpleasantest part the flavor of the gas?] Well, it's a very strong and weird sensation. [Is it like anything you've experienced before?] Well I tried to relate it to alcohol and nitrous. [It's not exactly clear from the things you've said what exactly the description of the unpleasantest part is. Not that I haven't read it elsewhere.] So, it wasn't that unpleasant. The very first breath was "uuuh", but I had already accepted that I was going to try at least. The second breath was a little shakier, like I was trying to breathe deeply, it was a fighting bit of a sensation. I was struggling with that. But it wasn't like pain. Not like the sensation of holding my breathe, where at about 45 seconds [fill in]. More like [sound of making an effort]... [More a psychological tension than a physical one?] The motion I was just making is more like fighting with some little gear [not quite working -- something not quite working right.] Because I'm trying to breathe normally, but [hands waving] I feel a little buzzy. Would you feel compelled to do it again? Compelled, no. But I'm interested in doing it again. BJ: 10 is distinctly the line at which one is approaching the transition, checked out and not going to be waving their hand. BJ: I will hold off at the slightest nod from you.
#s3-2
Mar 2007
ED
goal: 12 achieved: 12
T+5min: BP 143/93 Pulse:91 Post: Smiled at breath 2. Strugging at breath 3? Choppy breathing, scared, concentrated look? Looks conscious. First utterance: "It's weird... Really hard for me to remember in order to express, totally trippy [illegible], tough to get through... "totally tripped" thoughts, jumping from one to another, recent memory to [fill in]. Confused, wasn't sitting in the room, confused jumble of experience, wasn't c??? in a??? to be p??? unpleasant, [illegible], up through 6-7 listening to Benny. FROM TRANSCRIPT: 09:40-10:22 (12 breaths) [at breath 8 started to get slightly labored] Started talking at t+01:20 That's weird. (big exhale) Really hard for me to remember in order to express. So (exhale) Very totally totally trippy at the peak. First two breaths reasonable all right. Totally able to get through the next. But, next two or three, I don't remember so much after that. That's not true I remember breaths six or seven eyes closed trying to take the breaths. And having to pay attention to breathing out and in. and then kind of don't remember the breaths after that, and then, I don't know if my eyes were open or closed that point, but, totally trippy, associative, dissociated thinking, thoughts, from one confused but jumping from one recent memory to a thought about what I'm doing but, to a but very I wasn't sitting in the room thinking those things exactly, I was in a very like a full psychedelic eyes closed not experiencing outer world inner experience but confused jumble of experience. Not unpleasant during that time, but not particularly pleasant; it wasn't coherent enough to be pleasant or unpleasant, it was pretty neutral. Body sensations (13:26): Right now, slight sensation in the back of my head as if I had had a headache or was getting a headache, I'm guessing it's going to go away. Arms and shoulders, a little overall muscle tension, moreso when I started talking. But pretty mild now. Can't really describe it. [Did you hear B counting?] Like I said, probably up through breath 6 or 7. I don't exactly remember hearing it after that. How long after the last breath did I {speak}? [Quite a while… 20 or 45 seconds] [You had choppy breathing and a concerned look on your face.] [Laughter] It wasn't that bad, it was weird. It was very interesting. I don't regret having done it. Huh, weird.
#s3-3
Mar 2007
IO
goal: 15 achieved: 15
Pre: BP 140/95 Pulse: 124 3 min post exp: BP 163/97 Pulse: 101 Breaths 3-5 got progressively harder, then more ragged around 7 and 8, then faster at 11 and 12. With the completion of breath 15, exclaimed "Yeah… this is fucking awesome… this is it… this is it… this is it… I love this… this is it." This was repeated laughing, with hands to the heart and eyes still closed. In the minute after breath 15 he was smiling and breathing a little hard. This person came back faster than several other subjects. "Didn't feel alien to any experience I've had, it's like the cousin to the more euphoric effects of nitrous." "There was light." At about 3 minutes post, reflecting on the immediate verbalizations after breath 15, said "couldn't repress trying to express this was good." [Notes say: "Body: same as when I went in"] FROM TRANSCRIPT: I feel nervous and my heart's pumping really fast. I'm very curious because it feels like my heart's coming out of my throat [laughter] [Blood pressure/pulse measurements taken] I wasn't anticipating this level of… My heart… it's interesting because I don't feel like I'm afraid, but my body's like, no. 20:09-20:40 Breath 5: more ragged etc. [immediately speaking after 5th breath] {whisper} Yeah… this is fucking awesome… this is it… this is it… this is it… I love this this is it… this is it… I love this… fuck this is so cool [laughing 12:12] oh fuck [breathing hard, laughing]. That's wonderful shit [excuse me] Pause. t+01:51 It didn't feel alien to any experience I've had, it feels within the realm of probability. If I was more articulate I would be able to talk about it [you're doing good, keep going]. It seems akin to the cousin of the more euphoric states of nitrous. It feels like something I've felt before, but not like a pre-birth experience or anything. Transpersonal, something like that. I'm interested in trying it some more. In terms of my body, it feels the same as when I went in. Clearly it was euphoric. The closest thing I would compare it to is nitrous. I wouldn't compare it to the other disassociative, ketamine. It wasn't visual, in the sense that ketamine is, there wasn't material that's in my normal experience of that. It feels like there was a singular point of consciousness. And there was light. [light?] Light. When it was coming on I felt a slight "oh my god I'm suffocating" but then I'm like "no I'm not." I felt I had to breathe much faster. And that I couldn't repress that part. I'm also aware that I was trying to communicate to you guys that this is good. And normally when people do that on nitrous I think less than them [laughter]. [Anybody looking at you 8 to 15 would never have guessed you were enjoying it] Really?! [Of course we would have, no, he was kidding. No I'm not. To me it looked intense. I would have guessed he was enjoying it. Oh really. It sounded like fear to me. It sounded intense. It was an intensity I didn't associate with euphoria. It didn't sound like fear with me. It sounded like effort to me. Yes, effort.] To get there was effort, and there was fear. But not like this confronting "I've done DMT oh shit". For me it felt euphoric and once you took it off I didn't feel fear whatsoever or like my ego was dissolving or anything like that. [oh yeah I think all the fear is gone by 7] I think the fear for me is the actual body response. It's not as intense as I thought it would be. I thought it would be the way it feels when I have to come up for air, that intensity, and I think that because I was able to inhale and exhale, that reflex was inhibiting [mumble] [it's an intense feeling that seems like it's related to the feeling of having to come up for air, it's not that] I also don't feel aftereffects. Often when I do nitrous, I feel a ringing for a while. I feel like I feel funny right now because of my fear response, something else going on. [overall it went away fairly quickly. I was surprised at how quickly it went away for how intense it was] But I communicated "it was fucking awesome"? [yeah] And then I said I'm sorry? [No, no.] I said something to denote social consciousness. [you said, "Maybe I'm not articulating this well", or something] I remember laughing? [Yep] Yes, I enjoyed it. It's hard for me to recall now. I don't have as many words as I'd like to. Like I said, within the realm of... the edge of experiences I've had. What's funny is that once you get high, well I was breathing faster so, like my first 5 breaths probably occurred in the same time as my last ten [yeah, that seems about right]. That's very interesting. I wasn't on a compound, I wasn't on a drug. That was my body's response to [trails off…] Are there explanations [not so much]. I'd be very interested in going for a higher dose. It seems like it'd be very important information to have had. I feel like if I had a high sustained dose, like maybe 30 breaths, if I could recall it enough, it would carve out some more information for me to understand consciousness.
#s3-4
Mar 2007
LS
goal: 15 achieved: 15
Pre: BP 138/76 Pulse: 94 ~8 min post exp: 126/73 Pulse: 106 Post: quivering lips, eyes open, fast breathing for 10 breaths, hands moving/lightly clenching. Breath slowed considerably after 10 for another 20 breaths. 32:55-33:35 [outbreaths are a little labored, gets quicker at around 6, continues to go quicker] Hard breathing till 33:58, then quiets. FROM TRANSCRIPT: t+02:04 Well that's not so bad. None of the things that I had feared. It was very different from what I'd constructed based on reading and thinking. The taste I barely even noticed it. I wasn't aware of having any feeling of not having enough oxygen whatsoever. I kept my eyes open. My visual field started to pixelate, around breath two the colors in my visual field started to aggregate into nucleated clusters. So that the shape and outlines of things were no longer discernible, but the visual field was sort of alive with kaleidoscopic patches of light and color. I felt a surprisingly gentle sensation of sort of thinking or drifting into a deep place of contentment, like I was floating down under the water, and colors were rising up to receive me. I was floating in a place outside of gravity, outside of boundedness. [at about what breath, do you remember?] It was really starting with breath 1, and continuing through there was a constant and progressive sinking and drifting, until around I would guess around 7 or 8, everything sort of washed away, and became incorporeal. At that point, there was kind of a sensation of being aware, but not of anything in particular. There were thematic emotional motifs that were surfacing for me. One of the things that really came up for me, feeling wise-it was really very personal, really-like in a way this was a test or some sort of rite of passage. I felt like I was passing the test. Very comforting feeling [laughter]. I don't know, the whole thing seemed very gentle. When I'd imagined it, I'd imagined having to supress a desire to move, or to keep from fighting, but it was very easy to stay still. Yeah it was nice. I'd say actually around breath 10 or so, it started to get really intense, and at that point things had become so dissolute, that it no longer seemed particularly helpful. I felt like my awareness had become so washed out, I might as well have been asleep at that point. I can sort of think back into that zone and recollect a significance experience of disembodiment, but all the voices had stopped, and all the sense-making perceptual apparatus had stopped. That's about it. At times I would sort of forget what was going on and I'd try to remember what I was doing, and why everything was so inconceivably incomprehensible. After five or six breaths, it was like "what's happening? Where am I?" Not in an urgent or panicky way, like you might get with a really strong hallucinogenic experience. It reminded me more of Salvia divinorum, like I was in a weird place, like "What?" And that's what I've got to say about that [laughter]. Actually I didn't have so much discomfort in the front end. It started to get a little weird around 10. Like when things were so washed out for me. [pretty weird no?] Yeah; it wasn't so bad though.
#s3-5
Mar 2007
SM
goal: 5 achieved: 5
Pre: BP 131/88 Pulse 78 Post: less than 1 min: BP 106/77 Pulse 80 Breathing got faster at breath 4 and heavier at breath 5. Through nose [?]. Began verbalizing immediately after final breath. "Just like passing out, but more controllable than passing out… very familiar… pretty easy… pleasant, huh… pressure around ears… fingers and body suffused with sense of passing out… face hot, tingliness, warmth, feel like getting fresh air… didn't reach threshold, moving towards it, "I was extremely aware that I only asked for 11 breaths so I don't have to go there"… ["Passing Out in Slow Motion"] FROM TRANSCRIPT: It might be pretty quick because I am a former panic attack sufferer, that's my caveat [laughs]. 43:05-43:33 Breaths pretty shallow, at 6 got a little quicker t+00:33 That was just like passing out. That was a very familiar place. Oh wow there's a lot of things I want to say about it but hm, wow, whew! Huh, interesting [stalling] I'd like to try that again. Pretty easy experience… pleasant… huh. I could do that again. There's a lot of body sensations that are pretty familiar, there's a kind of pressure around my ears. [spacey] My fingers and arms and whole body are suffused with the same sensation that I associate with passing out, which I know I said before. Um, my face is feeling really hot. I definitely didn't feel like I reached a threshold, but I can see what you mean about the gentleness, like I was going slowly toward it. And the familiarity of it, like someone mentioned earlier. The sensations have definitely not gone away in my head, though, kind of in my chest. That tingliness, and warmth. I definitely feel like sitting up and getting fresh air. A little bit of a pressure in my head that's slightly unpleasant, but I would probably try 15 or 16 breaths next time, without hesitation. [how aware of the count were you] Extremely aware, I was totally aware of the room the whole time. And I was aware of thinking "I only asked for 11, so I don't have to go there" [laughter] It definitely feels like a potentially extremely powerful space/place/sensation, that it's possible to get a taste of it beforehand, but it seems like there's a pop-through that happens. Kind of like passing out, there's a pop-through, then you wake up from passing out and you're like "where was I? how long was I out?" I could see having that sort of experience with this, except it's more controllable than passing out [laughs]. [That was faster than we've done anyone else though. That went more quickly. / Yes, that was a minute after] 48:06 I have a headachy feeling. But it's not really a headache. [B: That pixilated vision? There are pictures in the book of that vision.]
#s3-6
Mar 2007
DD
goal: 15 achieved: 15
Pre: BP 140/73 Pulse: 71 Post: BP 164/103 Pulse: 74 Breath 2, heavy outbreath. Breath 3: heavier. Post: eyes flicking, heavy breathing, blank stare, breathing slows at 11, swallow at 15, looking around at 20. "Lost track of things… kind of out of it... yep... don't remember after 9, 10, 8 and a half... visual effect like nitrous… body still buzzing... seemed like it was going somewhere at 8 or 9... I felt uncomfortable I was unconscious... pleasant... confusing reentry... seductive... buzzy physical sensation." FROM TRANSCRIPT: How to choose how many... Well it seems like--let's assume no cumulative effect at this point--so it seems like it should be at least 15. The thing is I'm a little uncomfortable going higher than that. [seems like 15]. OK, good. [you should do 40 / Laughter]. 15's probably fine. Let's just stick with the group. 52:00-52:48 (15 breaths) Fairly heavy breathing after mask comes off. Strong outbreaths. Speaks at t+01:58. Lost track things, kind of was out of it. Uh... Uh... Don't... remember... the period after 10? 9? or so? Until some time after you took the mask away, I was not really present. At the early stage, the moments I was starting to lose track, just before my consciousness fled, I was getting a visual effect that's not entirely unlike a nitrous effect. Kind of a ... I definitely felt really high. I feel sweaty, clammy, physically. My body is still buzzing. I feel uncomfortable that I became unconscious. It seemed like it was going somewhere. I had the sensation that as I was separating, sort of the 8 to 9, 10, thing, that it had a trajectory, a sensation of movement, of... [sigh] pleasant? Like a positive "mm!" kind of relationship to that. And yet then once I was past that point--whatever the point was where my memory came apart--I don't really remember it very clearly, so it's not as interesting to me now. I don't have a story to construct in my head about anything... I had a "oooh!" and then a "oh look the mask is gone." I'm lying here and I'm sweaty and hot and how long has it been and I don't know where I am. Well I do know where I am. I actually knew where I was. It was a confusing reentry perhaps? Is a way to describe that. [sigh] Hm. [51 was a big number to pick / Laughter] It definitely has a little bit of that feeling to it... a sort of like, where, "it could have been". When I realized I was sitting here and that the mask was off my face, I don't have a linear continuous "how long has it been" sensation. [[57:34]] [Do you know have a sense of how long it had been?] No, that's what I'm saying. That's gone, that slice is gone. [B: Meduna felt that that space was so therapeutic, he made these sandwiches where he had pure nitrous, and he'd start the patient out on nitrous, then carbogen in the middle, then back on nitrous. --laughter-- Just like electroconvulsive therapy isn't about the aesthetic experience, it's about whatever happens to you in the process. He felt that the therapy was in that zone. That it wasn't blank for a lot of people.] It didn't seem like it was blank. I'm actually suspicious that it wasn't blank. But that there was some discontinuity in my memory recording structure, or burying, something that is now no longer accessible. By virtue of being able to remember the moments before that, of that sensation of coming up, into something visual, headed toward something with a visual impact… with a sensation of ...Yum is too strong, but like a positive, this seems… mmm. [Seductive?] seductive doesn't seem entirely inappropriate. Physical sensation of buzzy, associated with a launching feeling. It's a weird combo, because with nitrous, with the launch of nitrous--which I don't have a lot of experience about so I'm not super articulate about that-there isn't any struggle. Where this has the additional component of ok so, my first breath is take a nice deep breath, the second breath, my body's saying... Hm, no, no I don't think so. Pretty quickly it seemed like my breath got more ragged, more quickly this time than the first time. [you weren't very ragged, you got heavier for a couple of breaths, and then you were pretty steady, reasonably strong, but you were pretty steady for the last 10]. OK, All right. It felt like a struggle, let's put it that way. Up until the point where I don't remember. I didn't hear you say 10. I don't remember 9 for sure. I remember being past 5 and thinking "Oh, I'm past 5!". And then 6, 7, was like... [ ]. [You took 11 breaths after the last breath before you really had any motion. At 15 after you swallowed, which was the first conscious other action, then at 20 you started looking around and making your funny faces] So it was quite a while, then. [well 20 breaths isn't *that* long -- it wasn't 0 times.] It seemed to me that there were a couple of breaths after you took the mask away before there was any hint of consciousness. [I wrote down "blank stare" at around 8 after... no movement... eyes weren't blinking at all] I felt like I was waking up. That was pretty good, that was pretty weird.
#s3-7
Mar 2007
SM
goal: 16 achieved: 5
Pre: BP 119/93 Pulse 77 Post 1 min: BP 125/94 Pulse 115 Breaths started out deeper than first experience, got faster at breath 3, then was done by breath 6. "Not too intense, but felt like the part before the difficult part of a trip. Fear went away immediately after the mask was off." FROM TRANSCRIPT: I might stop before 16. 1:05:48-1:05:10 [5 breaths] I had that scary feeling [shyly] The feeling that I anticipate I might get as I approach the difficult part of a trip. Except that it wasn't too intense, it was kind of like a happy fun version of it, but I think that I went into it with more of a gung-ho attitude than the previous time, like, "I'm going for a heroic dose" attitude, rather than my own natural instinct, which is to go really gently. And that scared me, because it was inconsistent with my own natural approach to how I navigate these spaces. It was interesting to try it that way, but it's definitely not for me to try to be like "yeah! Let's do it!" Maybe next time we'll try 12 breaths. [so how soon after mask came off till that bad feeling went away] immediately [just as soon as you soon as you were no longer breathing it, everything was fine] Yes definitely [how many breaths did you take?] 3 [oh no, 4 and part of 5 I would say, even] Oh yeah? Yay! [Would you attribute that release of fear because you knew it would be over now? Or because physiologically you felt it was gone?] I think it was physiological [it seems physiological to me] I think if I had breathed more shallowly I wouldn't have peaked as quickly and the rising towards whatever the strange attractor is of the experience -- I perceive there's a strange attractor -- it would have been more gentle. [I would say you were definitely breathing more deeply than you did the first time] That was my intention. And it didn't work for me so well! Experience report of SM's sessions
#s3-8
Mar 2007
IO
goal: 22 achieved: 22
Sitting up a little rather than lying down. Couldn't distinguish depth of experience from first to second experience. Sitting up a little. Breath got faster at breath 5, harder at 8, faster/harder at 11, ragged at 16. "I should say more I guess, but that feeling was more in my body." "Went very fast." At breath 9 or 10 after mask came off, parted thighs and started touching thighs/genital area in a very sensual/kinda sexual way. At one minute after the mask came off, started talking. Was not feeling self-conscious. FROM TRANSCRIPT: What's odd is that right after I got off it last time I wanted to get back on it, and now I'm thinking "why am I doing this again?" [laughter] I'm self-conscious about my last experience because I was so loud. [you weren't that loud. You were enthusiastic] My heart's beating all over again. It's really interesting how I was totally with going back here, and I still am but… it's weird. 1:09:59-1:10:38 Faster, increasingly 1:10:53: touched self, Blissed out. t+01:42 Did I motion? [no] How many did I breathe? [22] ... I recall touching myself, it felt very sensual. I didn't feel self-conscious, whatsoever [unintelligible] It was harder for me to breathe this time. But the time between maybe the seventh breath and the last breath didn't feel like three seconds. It just went very fast. The experience this time didn't have a spiritual component-I didn't see the light-it was more in the body. It felt yet again, [unintelligible]. LAUGHTER I felt very blissful, in my body this time. Is that unusual… I felt like I was touching my genitals? I mean I wasn't jerking off or anything. [Oh that... I haven't experience that before. But bliss is not novel] [That's novel.] [It seemed very natural] I should probably say more about the experience, for some reason this time it felt much faster for me. You know how you try to hold onto a memory for a description? Last time it was this nitrousy, light, bliss, unitary, this time it was more monkey… I'm still trying to grab onto it… [you had a good smile on your face] it felt like I did. Physical sensation this time: I definitely feel more of a head sensation. Tingly in my aural field, that seems connected to my hearing. Questions? My eyes were closed right? [I wonder if there's really much distinction between doing 12 and doing 22, given that when I was around 10, at that point it was around zero time, do you see what I mean? How can you contrast the two experiences?] [[or can you really, because they were so different]] Well they were different but I can't, in terms of… the depth of the experience I can't distinguish it, and even the time of the experience, which is unfortunate. Because you think if you take more, you're going to be in that space longer, or that it would be more profound somehow. [overall that was my sensation of it, that more wasn't obviously better, that I was definitely in there… ] I felt like I've been somewhere in a space kind of like that at points, and it always felt like it was leading into "Oh! I've got to take a breath!" Sometimes with nitrous, oh yeah [breathes in] let's to do that diaphragm thing. It feels like it's going good, it's going good, and it's also kind of like, there's this feeling of it's getting good but but it's crashing. It didn't feel like that. I felt like "I'm entering this world and it's going to be delightful." I'm not sure it felt more and more delightful. That part's hard for me to .. you know like between what I did last time to this time. I think it was more like "I'm in" and I'd expect oh I have more conscious power to experience this, to articulate it, and I don't. Unfortunately. That was interesting, again. [I'm not sure I understand it any better LAUGHTER] I understood it less this time. I think my first time I understood it better than this time. Experience report of IO's sessions
#s3-9
Mar 2007
LS
goal: 12 achieved: 12
Lying down A Dazzling Experience Even breaths, got harder at 4, harder again at 7, getting slightly faster toward 12. "Very aesthetic… beautiful... very angelic, deep sense of harmony." After the mask came off, 8 breaths till he moved, when his breathing slowed. Breathing slowed again at 12. Started moving eyes around at 20. At 5+ breaths post-mask, hands were clutching, then unclutched, looked terrified, eyes wide open and looking. At 45 seconds post-mask, head slightly shakes left, eyes blink, then more blinking. First word: "Interesting." "Strong cast of transcendence." Held hand to head while he was describing experience. Talked at 32 breaths post-mask. FROM TRANSCRIPT: I'd like to go once more, if you don't mind. I'm not seeing the clear benefit of going longer. [it's not obvious to me either] It's not clear to me that over 10 is necessarily [unintelligible] 1:17:25-1:17:50 Heavy ragged breathing upon stopping the breathing. Moved after 8 non-carbogen breaths Started talking at t+02:02, after 32 breaths I would characterize that experience as altogether more profound than the first experience. It definitely had a strong cast of transcendence, sort of sublime, in a Kantian sense. There was like a great beauty to it that evoked a sense of unity. Yeah, it was altogether different. I made a point of keeping my eyes closed. Did I keep my eyes closed the whole time? [closed until the mask came off, at which point your eyes popped open. Revealing a wide-eyed appearance]. Quite a different experience. [I would say you look terrified, once the mask came off]. [hands clenched, eyes wide open, deeply troubled, if not imminent fear]. [Your eyes seemed the same as ED when she first did it.] I was not aware of any feeling of fear or agitation. It was kind of a dazzling experience, not in an overwhelming, "jeesus christ!" kind of way. It seemed very aesthetic, very beautiful. [actually visually? Cognitively? Existentially?] Yeah, existentially beautiful. [I wouldn't draw that conclusion from the look on your face] [sitter: It didn't trouble me in the least, I've seen it many times]. It was really different. I can kind of get how Stolaroff was completely spellbound by this stuff. I think part of probably had to do with having done it, and being liberated from my expectation of what the arc of it would be, and then part of it was keeping the eyes closed, which I think would be my preference if I was to do this again. It seemed to allow a sort of inner absorption experience. Keeping the eyes open and watching closely, in my first experience, I was trying to maintain an analytical frame, to watch what was going on, and that was unsustainable. In my first session I think that's where part of the drifting sensation came from, was trying to… [interruption: "letting go of that analytical"] ... yeah, well, in my first session it was like I kind of had to, because I couldn't sustain it. It was like an analytical energy brought to bear, being conscious that I was going to come out of this experience then try to explain it, and then just couldn't sustain it… that kind of mind just broke apart. And this time I was completely unconcerned, I felt like "all right, we've got out data." [laughter] Probably more than the other things I mentioned that was probably the decisive factor. Not feeling like I should be doing any particular thing [ sitter: having experienced other users describing what was going on, I have a hunch that this group might want to push out of the 15 range as well. //go higher you mean// if people start having more of an aesthetic recollection of what's going on out there // yeah I would try it again // I would try it again too // some other time] Very angelic. I think of this Dürer engraving from Paridiso, where there's this ring of angels, suspended in a luminous band. That seems to evoke it for me. Not that I had particular visions like that; but something of the feeling was the same. There's just a deep sense of harmony. Like a Platonic realm, something Pythagorean. Experience report of LS's sessions
#s3-10
Mar 2007
FB
goal: 10 achieved: 10
Stiff. "Now that's weird. Not my drug of choice."
#s3-11
Mar 2007
CG
goal: 17 achieved: 17
Hand clenched up and down, chest. "Conflict between your brain saying this is nice and your body focused on crisis." "My body wanted to panic."
#s3-12
Mar 2007
SD
goal: 20 achieved: 8
SD: 20/8 -- Labored breaths between 3 and 8. "Oh my." Colors, patterns, space traveling, very fast. Strong sense of suffocation. [Editor: the following paragraph was written by this subject two days post-experience: "After reading several reports describing similar experiences close to mine, I am interested in exploring the possibilities that if the body is experiencing a "near death" experience, the mind might go into "pre-death" preparation i.e. seeing the white light, talking to higher powers, only to vanish once the body gets back enough oxygen to function properly again. Also that evening: very vivid dreams!" [Editor: this subject had a misunderstanding about the amount of oxygen in carbogen being "insufficient".]
#s3-13
Mar 2007
GT
goal: 20 achieved: 18
Yellow swirling. At 5 minutes after, he asked "how far did I make it?"
#s3-14
Mar 2007
MT
goal: 15 achieved: 15
No feeling of suffocation, immediate blast-off to familiar place. "I went on a journey, did something important." "then it was gone" "what a trip" I relived memories it wasn't like I was remembering them it was like I was living them. Then it was gone. What a tease.
#s3-15
Mar 2007
JV
goal: 12 achieved: 12
Deep and rhythmic breathing, used most of a full bag. He asked to be able to add 5 after 12 breaths with a hand signal. He did not signal.
Revision History #
  • v1.0 - Jun 4, 2007 - Erowid - First public draft.