On a recent Sunday I awoke with the conviction that I had to get out that day. It was just too beautiful to spend the day lounging around the house (my usual Sunday activity), and something told me that this was to be the last day this nice before the cold fall and winter weather took over. I had had a lot on my mind the preceding week and I felt a profound need for some R&R. I contacted a couple of friends and plans were made for later in the day.

As I mentioned, I had a lot on my mind. Most of this was regarding a woman I was starting to get involved with. I thought she was overall pretty incredible, but she was involved in some things that disturbed me. This had been causing me a lot of tension and anxiety. I was basically torn between two opposing viewpoints. One said that I was not likely to meet a woman of this caliber anytime soon and the other telling me that her lifestyle and mine were bascially incompatible. This dichotomy was making me very uncomfortable and ill at ease.

You may be wondering what all of this has to do with entheogens. And of course, I will tell you. Considering that I was to spend the afternoon with two of my best friends and favorite people on the planet, and that I had a heap of emotional issues that seemed to need dealing with, I decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to use my remaining dose of MDMA. I hoped that it would lend me some clarity on what seemed to be a ridiculously convoluted emotional situation, as well as allowing me to relax, enjoy the day, and bond with my friends.

Around 2:00 PM my companions arrived. One of them decided to eat a few cubensis mushrooms (4 shrooms, maybe a gram and a half) and I dissolved my MDMA (I estimate ~120mg) in a glass of water and drank it down. The taste was foul, very chemical-ly and bitter. We got into the car and headed out to a scenic area nearby.

Within 20 minutes I was feeling the first alert. This consisted of a positive, "up" feeling, combined with a typical psychedelic "edge" to everything. Nothing looked definably different, per se, but I knew I was starting to zoom...

We arrived at our destination and got out of the car. I felt GREAT and I mentioned that fact to my companions, who smiled knowingly. The friend who had eaten the cubensis (we'll call her L) was also starting to feel the effects. We started walking down the road to a less populated stretch of beach. It felt superb to be walking. The MDMA was coming on strong and I detected the faintest stirrings of visual activity. No actual visuals, but a hint of visual activity.

We stopped so I could use the bathroom and I had some difficulty urinating (which is common, from what I have read). When I emerged again into the bright sunshine I felt like the world was newborn. Everything was radiating good energy. I had an ear to ear grin plastered on my face. Everything felt right with myself and the world.

We reached a secluded spot and sat down under an old tree. There was sand on the ground so I took off my shoes and socks and let my feet grok the warm sand. My friend who wasn't tripping (we'll call him J) decided to smoke some cannabis. We sat there drinking in the beauty of the day while J and L passed the pipe back and forth. I refrained, because I don't like to muddy up my psychedelic experiences with cannabis as a general rule. Besides which, I didn't need it, as I couldn't possibly have felt better.

We all sat there chatting about what a lovely day it was and other incosequentialities. I remembered I had brought along some nitrous and decided to try a balloon. I offered them around, and L said she'd love a balloon. I filled one up and handed it to her and she did it with great glee. After watching her, I was ready. I filled one and hit it in two big inhalations. As I was finishing the second hit, a power boat roared by, its powerful engine resonating and harmonizing with the nitrous hum. The balloon was nice, but I wasn't impressed with nitrous on MDMA like I am with nitrous on other psychedelics. It was more like nitrous stoned than nitrous psychedelic. Pleasant, but not exactly impressive.

Around this time L asked me if my question had been answered yet. I hadn't thought about it up to that point, and told her so. I also mentioned that I didn't really feel like thinking about it right then, since I just felt too good to worry.

We sat around and eventually moved further down the beach. Again, we settled down and looked out over the water at all the people playing on power boats and jet skis. Finally, my mind turned to my problem, the question that had been plaquing me for the entire previous week. Almost instantly everything was clear to me. The emotional gordian knot that had formed was cut. I knew, with complete certainty, that things just were not going to work out as long as she persisted in the behavior that was bothering me. I realized how many problems it would cause. Suddenly this woman who had looked so appealing previously became recategorized in my mind to "just a friend". All my doubts and uncertainty evaporated. Simultaneously, I felt a tremendous release of tension. It felt like a weight had literally been lifted from my shoulders. I had felt good before this, but now I was ecstatic. I spoke up and told J & L of my decsion. L asked me if I didn't want to think about it sober before making a final decision, but I knew that wasn't going to be necessary and told her so. J approved of my decision and said so.

The sense of relief and rightness that I felt was incredible. I felt lighter and more together. I realized that even considering getting involved with the situation as it stood had been causing me a great deal of stress. The rest of the trip was spent hanging with J and L, two of my best friends in the world. I felt even closer to them than before. I would very much like to trip on MDMA with them again, when we could all be similarly altered.

After a while we left the lake and went out to get food. I didn't have much of an appetite, but what food I did eat tasted great. The rest of the day I felt a slight but definite after effect. My sleep that night was fitful and I was tired the entire next day, but after that I felt fine.

This trip showed me that MDMA's reputation as a therapeutic facilitator is well deserved. As I mentioned, I was really torn about what to do before the MDMA. Afterwards, everything was crystal clear to me. Had I not had this experience I may well have gone ahead and gotten involved in a situation that was tremendously stress inducing and unhealthy for me. Overall this was an entirely positive experience.