One night L called me to ask what I was doing that evening. Since I had no plans she invited me to a get together with some mutual friends. Everyone was going to do ecstasy. I had a funny feeling, but I wanted to see her so I said yes. I decided I wouldn't take any ecstasy (it hadn't been agreeing with me) but would take some 2CT7 instead.

I met L at her house. We talked for a while. It was strange, there was definitely a weird vibe going on. I felt a sense of loss, of longing, of wishing things were different. I should have realized then that this wasn't such a hot idea, but I managed to keep the little voice in my head from ruining the party.

We left for the party. Soon after I arrived people started taking their drugs. I took a little over half of the 2CT7 I had (probably 15 mg?). Soon after we all dosed, several more people showed up. I immediately wished I hadn't taken anything as the people that showed up were annoying and not the type of people I like to trip with.

I talked to several of my friends that I hadn't seen in a while, catching up a little. I was feeling pretty good, just the slightest bit melancholy and a little apprehensive about how the evening would turn out due to the presence of a bunch of drunk people I barely knew.

L kept pulling me aside to talk to me. I felt very close to her and glad that we were hanging out again. It felt good.

That was about all I was feeling, however. The 2CT7 wasn't doing anything. I thought there might be a slight subthreshold effect, but couldn't be sure. I decided to take the rest of what I had to see if I could coax the effects out. I asked L to keep an eye on me in case it all hit me at once, flooring me. She said she would be happy to do so.

After I took the last half nothing much changed. L and I were hanging close, talking and sharing and enjoying being in each other's company. There was something there, not exactly acknowledged but obvious to both of us.

Finally it gelled. We were outside talking while she smoked a cigarette. We were sitting close, she looked into my eyes and something inside me melted. She leaned forward and kissed me and I was lost, spinning out of control. Some part of me was screaming about what a bad idea this was, but I locked that part of me up in a deep hole and put the key away someplace safe. It might be a bad idea but I was determined to enjoy it for the moment.

I still wasn't feeling anything from the 2CT7.

L and I stayed even closer after that. We kept kissing from time to time and it felt a lot like old times. It just unlocked something inside of me and I felt good in a way I hadn't felt since we decided to split. I don't know if it is true love or codependence or what, but she makes me feel a way that no one and nothing else has ever made me feel,

I eventually got tired of waiting for the 2CT7 so I took half a hit of ecstasy that someone offered around 2:30 am. This had the usual effect, with little or nothing added from the 2CT7. I opened up, felt even closer to L and managed to forget about the little voice nagging me about how this was maybe not such a good idea. I spent some time getting to know a friend's new boyfriend, talking to him about dancing and DJing and various party kid matters. I even talked to the obnoxious drunks (who were also apparently tripping on LSD) and managed to relax most of my tension towards them.

The next two hours were very nice. L and I spent a fair amount of the time together, talking about things and just enjoying the feeling of being near one another again. We didn't discuss what had happened much, we just let it be. We danced, we smiled at one another, we enjoyed the ecstasy.

I was tired, worn out and ready to sleep by 4:30 am or so. I asked L to take me back to my car. When we arrived I went to leave and she wouldn't let me. She held my hand and looked into my eyes and I was suddenly unable to leave. We kissed, then stopped, then kissed some more. I tried to leave several times. Each time I got no further. We discussed possibly going home together and I am not sure if we were trying to talk ourselves into it or out of it. We kept kissing throughout. Finally I got into my car and went home, alone.

During the drive home my head was spinning. I didn't know what to make out of what had happened. I just knew it had felt very nice for a short time, that I was still in love with L and she obviously still had some feelings for me as well. I went home and slept and wondered what the hell would happen next.