Citation: G-Felix. "The Girl Who Released My Mind: experience with DMT (ID 80867)". Erowid.org. Aug 2, 2010. erowid.org/exp/80867
||(powder / crystals)
Before this DMT trip I had only lightly tripped on DMT two times. Both times I failed to continue to take hits because of my failed attention span as I began to hallucinate.
In preparation for this trip I spent an entire day in seclusion on an empty piece of land. I waited until it was very dark out and set up a rig to allow me to free base without the wind putting out the flame of the lighter. The rig was merely an air mattress that was half way in a tent, this would allow me to smoke inside in the wind free environment and then fall back and watch the stars. Inside the tent there would be absolutely no light besides the light of the lighter.
I loaded 60 mg and there was a copious amount of residue left in the pipe from a friends failed attempt. I spent a half hour meditating, focusing on what I wanted to get out of the experience. I wanted to let go of my ego as well as many of the unnecessary anxieties that I held. I began to smoke the DMT watching the crystals melt and fill the bowl with a nasty tasting smoke. I breathe it in slow, very slow. I held it for as long as I could while it set fire to my lungs. I take another three hits before it starts to take effect. The lighter in my right hand became very small and rounded with a shroom like look to it while my hand grew and looked swollen. The pipe in my left hand began to look very large while my left hand shrunk to a child’s size.
I kept smoking because I wanted to truly experience it. After another three or four hits my hands, pipe, and lighter became blurred and vibrated intensely. At this moment I see a purple and red light illuminate the interior of the tent. It is being emitted from a girl that is sitting directly to my right. She begins to telepathically communicate with me. In this moment the only thing in existence is this tent this girl and I. She communicates with me not with words but with actual ideas. She tells me that the nothing means anything and that the universe only exists because I allow it to. She then tells me that I need to let everything go. I turn to look at her and she is made of only light. Her body consists of purple and red light moving in geometric patterns like muscle tendons. I look at her for only a second when she along with the tent disappear (looking back I think I dropped the lighter).
Now in the complete absence of space all of my senses left me. The universe ceased to be. I did not exist. After what feels like an eternity I realize that DMT existed, and from this I pieced together myself. I knew that I had to exist to take DMT, and then I came back into being. I knew that in order to hallucinate I would need to see, and then my eyes came into being. I knew that in order to see there must be something to see… Instead of the tent coming into being these almost black tentacles outlined in deep neon purple. They did not occupy space but my very vision. The tips of these tentacles were forming elaborate spirals as well as other patterns. They started to pull back on my face and I fell out of this vacuum that I was occupying. As I moved out of it I was reborn, I felt my entire body slipping through a film that was the outermost part of the absence of space.
As I laid back I was not on a planet, I was a celestial being among the stars. The stars were different sizes and colors. Most were white, purple and blue. These starts were flying around forming elaborate patterns while the negative space formed its own designs. At this moment the euphoria of DMT kicked in very strong. The stars became the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my entire life. All of a sudden hundreds of memories flooded my mind. The vast majority of them were from my childhood; insecurity, humiliation, and shame over shadowed the good ones. Instead of feeling these emotions again they seemed to be childish, human emotions that I had no concern for now that I am a celestial being. I now felt pure euphoria well beyond MDMA and even sex. It became overwhelming and the tentacles once again took over my field of view to shield me from the beauty of it all, but this time they were not outlined but they were within the negative space.
I turned to my right and I see the tall grass. I realize that I am human again but I was not on earth, I was in a parallel universe. The grass started to bend and dance in perfect unison. They were a perfect wall as they bent with their partner forming strange abstract shapes. I wanted to be in space again so I looked up. The visions were not like before; the stars were just swirling around a little. The world started to materialize once again and I felt comfort in the fact that my friends and family were in existence. I sat up and confusion set in much like a high dose shroom trip. I looked at my cell phone and realized I had only been tripping for twelve minutes, it felt like an eternity. I then spent an hour or so writing down the experience and dissecting each part.
Now it is two days after the trip and I have experienced a feeling that I have woken up from a very long sleep. Colors have never seen so vivid, trees and people have never looked so beautiful, it feels as if I am seeing the world for the very first time. I cannot remember a time that I was filled with as much happiness and love as I have in these last two days. Only time will tell if my ego and anxieties have been reduced but in the last two days I have noticed a definite reduction of my unwanted anxieties. I hope this is the change that I have been searching for with the use of psychedelics.
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