| DOSE: |
1 tablet |
oral |
MDMA
|
(pill / tablet) |
Two and a half experiences
I first tried Ecstasy in February, and minus several boring highs on pot and alcohol, it was my first experience with a Real Drug. I was alone, and the first experience was overwhelmingly wonderful - I took five baths that night, listened to music, frolicked in my fuzzy comforter, looked in the mirror a bunch, and looked out in amazement at the city lights out my window. Ecstasy helped me displace self-criticism enough to truly see my own beauty - it was the first time I could SEE myself as physically beautiful, actually. Taking Ecstasy marked the final acceptance of loss - the end of mourning the loss of a woman I deeply loved. I took it the night after my first successful date with another woman, so I was already in a positive mood. Ecstasy opened the door to my heart, deepend the spiritual journey I was on, and gave me a deeper feeling of understanding of true, unconditional love than I had ever felt before.
Perhaps because it was the first drug I took (or an impurity?), I went through an hour-long stage of 'uncontrollable mind'. I went insane for about an hour, lying on my bed, unable to control my thoughts, racing from a card game, to a horse, to a lake, etc. All very neutral thoughts, but a little unsettling. I saw insanity - the thin line between my normal mind and complete insanity. I remembered that this too was a temporary state, and was able to relax and let my mind fly around where it wished. I was actually able to go to sleep, and never even experienced a negative coming down.
I took a half tablet a week later, as a foolish experiment (I knew my seratonin stores might not be replenished yet), and the experience was terrible. I felt like the world was empty. I was depressed for several days. It really turned me off to E, and I gave the rest of my pills away. It was a learning experience - I saw exactly how the world could be wonderfully full, or painfully empty, all dependent on one thing -- my mind. Not the world, but my mind.
In June, I decided to give E another shot. This time I was better prepared, well-educated about it, and decided to do it the 'right way'. Because I was able to take E with virtually NO after-effects (I felt great the next day, had no depression, no physical fatigue - I was just a bit tired), I'd like to share the experience with those who are interested. Here is what worked wonderfully:
T+0:00 - 1 tablet taken, orally, with a multi-vitamin
T+0:40 - friends stop over unexpectedly JUST as I am coming up, but they had known I had taken E. Wow, I am confused! We hang out at my place, I try to eat some carmel ice-cream cake (it tastes great, but I am not hungry), and I get an incredible back-rub from a friend. I am very happy. We go to the video store and I end up dancing in the aisles and loving everyone and everything. I was just overflowing with love and acceptance. Made a brief mental note to remember this, and then just enjoyed life.
T+2:00 - back to a friend's house with a movie. Gave a backrub (with kisses). Absolute bliss and love.
T+2:45 - Sat down to watch the movie. Couldn't sit still, walked home.
T+3:00 - back at home I put on some techno, dance a bit, and start to feel myself coming down. The feeling of anxiety and nervousness was tough. This is when I started the routine that really seemed to work.
T+3:15 - Drank juice enhanced with St. John's Wort, took a multi-vitamin and a super-vitamin C. My purpose was to slow oxidation, and use St. JW as a SSRI.
T+3:30 - put on some GREAT classical music - really mellow, which eliminated the anxiety almost completely.
T+4:00 and every half hour until bed - Drank a bunch more of the juice, took another vitamin C. Keep myself loaded with SSRI's and vit C.
Slept peacefully, remembered some really wonderful dreams.
Upon waking, I kept myself dosed with St. John's Wort and Vitamins for about 24 hours afterwards. I had elevated mood for the entire week (NO depression, just a little empty feeling occasionally), felt no 'static in the brain', and my sleep pattern returned to normal after only one 12-hour night's sleep.
I would recommend SSRI's, vit C, and really good, mellow, classical music to anyone who is serious about reducing damage and coming down in the easiest way possible.
I hope to be able to experiment with E about every four months, if available. My impression is that it's a very powerful drug that can be very dangerous, but both times I have experienced the positive effects of E, I have learned about myself, and about love and acceptance. I would just say - be careful, and be responsible... everything in moderation, and take good care of your mind and your body.
