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Death, One With All, True Meanings
Mushrooms & Cannabis
Citation:   DMon19. "Death, One With All, True Meanings: An Experience with Mushrooms & Cannabis (exp78673)". Erowid.org. Sep 9, 2010. erowid.org/exp/78673

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
3.5 g oral Mushrooms (dried)
  T+ 0:00   repeated smoked Cannabis (plant material)
  T+ 2:00 7 g oral Mushrooms (dried)
BODY WEIGHT: 130 lb
I guess I should start off by saying that at this point in time I was on no prescription medicines and only took Advil/Tylenol on the rare occassion that I would have an unbearable headache. I should also mention that this was my second time on mushrooms, and the first time resulted in too low a dosage for me to even trip. I was living in an apartment with my girlfriend, C, and we smoked a lot of weed, drank occasionally, and very rarely did cocaine. I had previously been addicted to Coricidin and Robitussin, and I assumed all trips were something like that. C and I had had relationship issues before, but at the moment we were completely fine and content with each other, and everything in both of our lives was fine. Also, it is important for me to note that C has abandonment issues and a lot of trauma in her childhood. I will not go into details, but I will say that she went through a lot of shit that kind of messed her up a bit.

So, we had both gotten home from work and decided that we were going to get some pot. C made the call to a girl who we will call Raincloud, who had proven to be a very reliable and cheap source for getting weed. I was not paying any mind to the conversation until C said to me that we could get tickets to Sidney for cheap. I told her to place an order for that as well as the pot, feeling that this was too good a deal to pass up. We had plenty of money, and we were planning on selling some of the pot to friends of ours, so we decided on an ounce and 6 hits of acid. Then came the waiting game. We talked about whether or not we would do the acid tonight, and decided against it, knowing that I had to work the next day, and you never know when a real long acid trip will come around.

Raincloud arrived at our place around 7PM or so, and I met her outside. She told me she had gotten everything and asked if it was okay for her friend, Dude, that drove her to come in with us. I agreed, thinking he probably would want to get high, and we would have plenty of weed. C and I were not frugal with our pot. The three of us walked inside and Dude met C and everything was cool. Then Raincloud pulled out an ounce of mushrooms and a baggie with 6 acid tabs inside it. I asked her why there were mushrooms and no weed. Apparently, C had ordered a 'pizza' with special 'toppings' thinking that it was weed. Still, everything was cool, and possibly even cooler than we thought, because C and I wanted to trip, and the shrooms would definitely not last long enough for me to still be fuckered by the time I had to go to work.

A couple more situational things... Raincloud had been drinking and was resuming drinking at our place. She was very drunk when she arrived and did not seem to intend on stopping any time soon. She didn't like to trip, so she didn't take any mushrooms, and Dude had to drive home, so he declined as well. C and I had no scale, and limited experience with the drug, so we just eyed the bag and took about a quarter of them out and split the pile in half; each of us had an eighth. We decided to go ahead and take them so we could get to sleep at a reasonable hour, and felt comfortable enough with Dude and Raincloud to trip around them. I think we were both subconsciously happy to have a couple sitters around to keep us from doing anything too stupid. The time was about 7:30 PM when we actually ate the mushrooms.

Note: Time frames are estimated.

[0:00-0:30] The giggles started as they usually did. The four of us were talking and having fun and whatnot; Dude kept saying how much he wanted to be on shrooms whenever we giggled at something. At some point, my brother, M, and his friend, J, showed up looking for a spot to chill. Raincloud and M had dated before and broken up, but were on good terms, and J was a pretty good weed friend of C and I, so everything was still cool. I was glad to have so many people in my home, possibly more glad than I would have been had I been sober, but nonetheless I was glad. I don't remember quite how it happened, but at some point M, J, and I ended up in my room and they showed me an eighth of very potent weed. I was even happier to see that and decided to one-up them by showing them my bag of mushrooms. They both wanted to trip, so I told them to take some, have fun, and they could crash here if they needed to. They each took about an eighth, leaving me with half of the initial mushrooms leftover. I was not upset at all by the way the mushrooms were disappearing so fast, and once again, everything was still cool.

[0:30-1:00] We were back in the living room with everyone and began to smoke a bong. By this time, Raincloud was black out drunk in my estimation, and was starting to become beligerent. We all ignored her, knowing she was drunk and didn't know what she was saying and continued on with our trips. I still was not feeling a whole of anything, and was having no visual hallucinations save for slight tracers here and there. At some point, and I don't remember how it happened, Raincloud ended up on top of C, yelling at her that I was inevitably going to dump her eventually and that she would be alone forever. Dude was telling her to stop, and M and J were just kind of watching, bewildered. I decided to intervene and pulled Raincloud off of C, who ran into our room. I scolded Raincloud for doing that to someone on a trip and went to the room to see if C was okay. She was fine, just a little pissed and informed me she kind of wanted Raincloud to leave. For some reason, we decided not to tell her, possibly to avoid the confrontation on the mushrooms, and hoping Dude would just go ahead and take her home.

[1:00-1:30] When C had cooled down, we went back into the living room to find everybody still there. Luckily, Raincloud had taken up hitting on J, and by the look on his face, he was tripping hard and very uninterested in her. This made me chuckle a bit and I looked over at M and Dude, who were watching in amusement. Monty was laughing more and more, and I asked him if he was tripping yet, to which he responded that he was, but just a little bit. It was at this time that I realized I didn't feel much like I was tripping, and I looked at my clock and became confused. It was over an hour since I had dosed, and I felt like I wasn't getting the full effect. I ignored it for a bit, figuring that it would smack me in the face soon, as everyone described.

[1:30-2:30] After Raincloud's constant advances on J, he started to seem quite uncomfortable with her, and C abruptly told her to leave. She left, telling us never to call her for drugs again. That was fine with us. We told Dude it was nice to meet him and sorry to kick him out too. He responded that it was cool, and he understood she was being inappropriate. When they were gone, the vibe was good again, and we smoked another bong. It was shortly after that I informed everyone that I didn't think I had taken enough, and C agreed that she wanted more as well. This made me truly believe I hadn't taken enough, for C and I had taken the same amount and were about the same size. M and J took a little bit more and C and I split the rest of the bag between us and started munching away. We chilled out and listened to music on C's laptop for a bit. Eventually, C gave me the rest of her mushrooms, and I ended up eating my share and the rest of hers.

[2:30-3:00] I was feeling very good at this time, and we decided to smoke another bong. I noticed that whenever I smoked the bong, when I looked at it, it looked very strange. I can't quite describe how it looked, but I could tell that I was tripping by now. I started feeling the effects of gravity very strongly and M mentioned that now that we were all fully tripping, we should go outside. I was not anxious at all, even though we were in the middle of a city and a police station was right down the road, because no one was ever outside on the playground behind the building at this hour. When we finally decided to go, I had trouble getting up, and when I stood, I felt very wobbly. I looked at the ground and felt that it was very far away but very close at the same time. I laughed at this and we made our way to the door. At the door, I reached into my pocket, and felt some shroom dust that must have fallen in there when I had the pile on my lap earlier. I said to everyone, 'You guys, I have shrooms in my pocket.' We all burst out in laughter and went outside. The night sky and the trees created some amazing visuals for me, and I remember saying something like, 'This is fucking awesome!' We were all enjoying the experience, but it was very cold that night, and we quickly decided to go back inside.

[3:00-3:30] This is where things start to get a little blurry for me. I remember C rolling around on the floor declaring that she didn't think anybody was where she was. She went into our room for something, and came back, informing us that the room felt like the inside of a Skittle. Intrigued, the three of us went in and smoked another bong in there. It was here that the final dose I had taken fully hit me. Occasionally, my entire line of sight froze in place and became a painting on canvas before me. I was laughing so hard, tears were pouring down my face, making me feel like my face was melting. I reached up to check and make sure my face was still intact, realized I was crying from laughing so hard, and starting cracking up all over again. More typical shrooms fun happened for a while, and we decided we should listen to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon on vinyl, which I had in my studio, the next room down.

[3:30-4:00] This is where things started to get kind of fucked up. I was sitting in front of my computer, the record was in the turntable and M had started it up. The mixer on the table was connected to both my computer and the record player, and the panner was set all the way over to the computer's side, which it usually was, but I took no notice of this. My thoughts started jumbling around in ways I cannot explain, and I felt as though I were on a different plane of existence than everyone else. I tried to tell M this, but he interrupted me, speaking in kind of a firm tone. I couldn't understand a word he was saying, and then I realized everyone was looking at me. I tried to speak to them, but once again M interrupted me. He was trying to tell me that the record wasn't playing, and no one except for me knew how to work my equipment, but I was too far gone to realize this. C began to freak out a bit, which I did not notice, and got up, taking me into the bedroom. She closed the door behind her and kissed me, as if to tell me that she was in the mood. I immediately began to feel extremely uncomfortable, possibly feeling her discomfort. I assume today that she was trying to have sex to get her mind off of the bad feelings. We got into bed.

[4:00-8:30] Now, this is the part where shit hits the fan. As soon as we got into bed, C said something like 'I think we took too much.' It occurred to me that we had an entire ounce, and now it was gone. I wasn't thinking rationally, and then began to think that I was dying. C nudged me after a bit, and I felt like I couldn't respond. She frantically called for M to come in, and he and J hurriedly entered and M approached me. I was now convinced I was either near death or dead already, so I started thinking to myself that it was okay and not to freak out so my last minutes could be happy. M began to shake me, saying to knock it off and that it wasn't funny and that I was scaring C. I tried to tell everyone I was at peace with it, but apparently, I stayed still the entire time. I heard C say something like she thought she was dying, and then I realized that we are all one, and because I am dying so is she. This bothered me, because I didn't want her to have to go to. I blacked out.

I have no visual recollection for awhile, but what happened to me felt more real than anything. I felt a bit of pain, which slowly increased to an unbearable limit over the course of what felt like years. Then, when it was at its max, I was consumed with pleasure. I feared that the pain would return, and that death was just this forevermore. I started to freak out. I must have opened my eyes, because I saw myself transport into the bodies of M and J, witnessing the scene as them. While I was M, I felt calm and collect, probably because M realized we were having bad trips and was keeping himself cool to be there for us to talk us down. As J, I didn't feel much and didn't stay long.

I began to feel like my soul was entering every living being in the world until I reached the point that I was in the body of a serial killer. This part is hard to explain, so bear with me. I was still conscious of my mind, but now a new mind was in my body as well. The other mind was the one controlling the body, while my own was just witnessing, and I could hear the thoughts of the other mind. It slowly turned from a pacifist into a killer with a thought pattern that was something like, 'I love her. Sometimes she hurts me. She always hurts me. She's no good for me. Should I kill her? No, that's wrong. Well, maybe I should. I hate her. I will kill her!'

The entire time, I am horrified and shrieking inside my mind for this to stop. My soul than flew across the world and back into my hometown, then to my apartment building, then to my door, and then into the doorway of my room. I was standing in the doorway looking at C, who seemed to have come down. J was gone. I realized that I was about to kill C and that I was the serial killer. I lunged toward C, not controlling my body at all, and when I got right up to her, in the bed next to her, I pressed my face into her and screamed in terror until I ran out of breath.

[8:30-?]: I realized I was back in my room. I looked around and started asking what happened and what was going on. I heard C sigh in relief, and M said he thought I was coming back. I realized it was all just a bad trip, and felt immediately better, but still confused. While I was gone, I had forgotten alot of myself, and I told them I needed to walk around for a bit. I began to put back together the missing pieces. I saw my guitar and remembered that I am a musician. I even figured out why I play music and how it affects me. With every memory came a realization about that particular part of me.

When I got back in the room, I was feeling the 'waves' of the come-down and realized I had been tripping for a very long time. M and C were both completely sober now, and we smoked a bong. I wondered aloud why I was tripping so long, and M told me he and J thought that maybe C and I took the acid while we were in the room alone together. I asked him where J was, and he said he had to go awhile ago. I felt at peace with everything, and was very relieved to be back. I wasn't feeling 100% by any means, so I asked C to wake up in the morning to call work and tell them I was extremely sick so I wouldn't have to talk to my boss in a couple hours in that state of mind.

AFTERMATH:

I feel that this trip was the best and worst experience I have ever had. I learned so much about myself, but had to go through hell to find it all out. M and I have since talked about the trip, and he informed me of his point of view, which I feel I should repeat, as it blew my mind when he told me what really happened. I remembered charging at C right before I walked around aimlessly, figuring things out about myself, but M tells me that, in the middle of my bad trip, I suddenly calmed down. That was the time that I got up and started speaking aloud about everything. During this time, he and C spoke a bit about whether or not I was coming back or not, and then I appeared in the doorway with a large kitchen knife in my hand. When I ran at C with it, I dropped it next to the bed and then screamed for a very long time, M said. It was strange to realize that my memory of the trip is chronologically logical, but the events are misplaced. I approximate that I ate ten or eleven grams that night, but I do not know for sure.

Basically, the lesson I learned from this experience is about setting and dosage. I learned never to trip unless completely comfortable, and to take small doses at a time until I am good. I also learned that mushrooms make me feel sleepy, and that if I get tired after eating mushrooms, it doesn't mean that I'm dying, it's just a side-effect of the drug. But the most important lesson I learned is to make sure that my sitter is someone I trust completely, and if I have any doubts, I should address them immediately before dosing. Hope you got something from this report. Peace.

Exp Year: 2008ExpID: 78673
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Sep 9, 2010Views: 12,828
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Mushrooms (39) : Relationships (44), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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