Citation: Veficus Vulparia. "Night in Hell: experience with Ayahuasca (ID 72049)". Erowid.org. Feb 25, 2009. erowid.org/exp/72049
Background: For the last two or three months I have been quite down, and in the last two or three weeks it all caught up with me, and I became depressed, with a very bleak outlook. I had become listless, and couldn’t eat more than one meal a day and needed a solution to this. I year or so ago I went through an Ayahuasca Ritual, and it really helped then, so preparations began.
Friday, 1:00 PM:
The herbs are prepared. I have 20 grams of very good quality Peganum Harmala Seeds, and 20 grams of superior quality Mimosa Hostilis Inner Rootbark. All of this is powdered, and as an admixture plant, and as traditional recipes require, Brugmansia Leaves (Toe) are added; 2 square inches. This is placed in an All-Clad Sauce Pot. Distilled Water that has had its pH adjusted to 4 is added, around 250 mL. total. This is stirred and brought to a low simmer for 2 hours. I strain this, saving the liquid, and then add more water and simmer some more then strain and then repeat one more time. The three extractions are strained again, and then reduced to a tarry-like resin. This is chilled, then rolled into three balls, all a little smaller than a marble, there is still probably around 1 more marble sized ball that could be made, but the resin is stuck to the pot too well.
Friday, 9:00 PM:
My girlfriend of over two years, Renee, and one of my closest friends, Leah, have arrived and have been told what is going to happen. Renee was one of my two sitters the first time I took Ayahuasca, and knew what to expect. These are two people whom I entrust my life to.
A small fire is prepared out in the back, and towels are laid on the ground. I sit and take two of the balls, trying not to choke, as they are large. I have fasted for around 12 hours beforehand, and followed a strict diet for the week. After I do this open my Book of Shadows, do a small ritual, and then sit for a minute. I take the last ball of resin and stoke the fire. We all law down and start to chat a little and watch the stars and trees.
Friday, sometime after 9:00 PM:
I feel drunk….. and a little sick, I feel like I have ingested poison. I remain calm though, I have taken a much milder Brew before, and I know that this is normal.
Shortly after, I start blacking out every time I close my eyes. This is strange. At one point, around 11 or 11:30 PM Leah gets up and goes around to the front of the house. Worried about her for some reason, I stand to go see what’s wrong. I can hardly stand, I can barely walk. I get about 20 feet, I look to the right, and fall to the left. I say “not good”, and hit the ground. Renee is still in the backyard, but coming up the path. I hit the ground, “I am alone, and am going to die”. I vomit up the acid in my stomach. “I AM going to die.”
I lose consciousness.
Dark Hallucinations, there are things crawling on me. I then hear Renee run up, and I realize, that I may not die. I feel three hands on me, trying to roll me over. I heave, and may have vomited again, but don’t know. I am soaked with sweat, and dripping. Renee somehow manages to get me to my feet; I have to go find Leah. I find her on the porch; I stumble to the back of the truck, and grab the tailgate.
They help me inside. In the little room on the side of the house I collapse on the floor. At this point I am doing okay, all things considered. I say that I need to go get the stuff out back, they refuse to let me, I try and crawl to the door, and collapse on the floor. They leave to go get the stuff, telling me not to move. I thought it was 4 AM, but it’s 12:30. When they leave, I think, some cartoons will help. I crawl half way up my recliner, and get the remote, turn on the TV…. Damnit…… another show is on for some reason, I turn the TV off, and have a seizure. I awake on the floor when Renee and Leah return. I remain there for the next few hours. Through this time Leah is checking my pulse, and Renee is trying to hold down my hands and arms, as I am trying to scratch my face off, and hitting the floor and brick wall, at this point I feel very little pain.
I lay on the floor for a long time, and at a point I feel a little better. Then all goes to hell. I start twitching, and having painful tremors. There’s a feeling of being electrocuted (I have been electrocuted before) all over, and open and closed eye hallucinations. At times I have moments of unequaled clarity and lucidity, all is well, and while my body is in agony, mentally I feel great. Then it gets worse.
I shake violently, and Leah and Renee ask if I am okay and I say nothing. Leah grabs my hand, and feels for a pulse. They manage to have me lie a little straighter, and offer me water. I drink a sip. Then black out again. I have no idea where I am or what’s going on, I am terrified. Leah is taking my pulse a lot more than before, and asking me to keep talking, “why” I ask. “I am going to die, here on the floor” I think.
The whole time Renee has been rubbing my chest, or arm, or just making some kind of contact. Someone tries to feed me a bit of a cookie, to get my blood sugar up, I don’t eat it, but nothing has ever been so strongly scented. I eventually, am able to drink some more water, several gulps; then I black out again.
It’s getting late, and Leah needs to get home, and I shouldn’t be on the hard floor. They try and get me to bed, in the other end of the house. They get me sat up, a little, and I vomit twice. This is agonizing. They ask me how I’m doing, “I want, to die….. I just want this to be over”……..
I fall back down on my side. I am brought to by the smell of carpet cleaner by face. The worst thing at this point is not that I have thrown up on myself, but that it was in front of Renee and Leah. I can’t get enough oxygen when I breathe, and am yawning every few seconds. I can’t keep my eyes open for more than a minute at a time, or closed for more than a minute or two. I am cold, it’s at least 75 or so in the room and I am shivering. They toss a sheet over me.
Eventually I am wrapped in the sheet, and lifted, about an inch….. this happens several times, Renee and Leah are trying to get me to bed. Then get me to sit up, and I fall back down. At this point I am angry, “what, what’s wrong” one of them asks, “I am NOT going to throw up again!” I respond. I hate that, and am NOT going to do it again!
Finally they are able to get me to my feet. Through the kitchen, I realize I won’t make it at this speed, I sort of run, and collapse when I hit the bed. This is where I need to be. I writhe on the top for a few minutes, then they manage to get me under the covers, they pile blankets, sheets, anything they can find on me, and I still am cold.
Renee and Leah leave to go neaten up a little bit, which is a scary time, as I am alone again. They return, Leah leaves and I thank her. Renee crawls into bed and curls up next to me, and I finally stop shaking. The hallucinations continue, for hours.
I think it’s 6:00 AM:
I have not slept, and have still been going through the cycle, a few minutes of hallucinating with my eyes open, then closed, then fearing death I open them, only to see more things that aren’t there. Then upon opening them once, it stops, I am at home, in my bed, with Renee behind me, I’m warm and not going to die. I’m still hallucinating, but it’s tolerable.
Saturday, 8:00 AM:
I get up to go to the restroom, I can barely stand, and the light is painfully bright, all I can see in the bathroom is white, and it’s not white in reality. I go to the restroom, and it’s very dark, a classic sign of dehydration; I drink some water from the tap, and stumble back to the bed.
Saturday, 9:00 AM:
Renee leaves. I get up a while later, I can’t remember when. I get some Pepsi, mainly for the sugar, I cannot continue; I crawl back in bed.
Saturday, 12:00 PM:
I get up, and try and eat some buttered noodles heated back up, but can’t get more than a few bites down, my mouth just stays dry. I get a Shower, and that helps a lot, but I still cannot stay upright very well, and go back to bed. Still no sleep.
Saturday, 1:00 PM:
Renee comes back. She crawls back into bed with me and asks how I am. I feel very sick, like I have the flu.
Saturday, 3:00 PM:
I am finally able to get out of bed. I get up and get to the porch, clean up a little bit and have a little ice cream. Dawn comes over to check on me, and hear what happened, as she was worried. I still feel the affects a little, and still feel sick. Renee and Dawn take me out for a little Salad and Pasta….. It felt SO good to eat again, though I still felt sick.
Sunday, 1 AM:
At the Theater, trying to do my Assistant Cast Director duties. I feel I am going to pass out, again, and be sick…. It’s all I can do not to.
Sunday, 2:30 AM:
I am starving. We all stop at Waffle House for some real food, this really helps.
Dawn drops Renee and I off at 3:30 AM and I take some sleeping Medication, send a Thank You E-Mail to Leah, and Renee and I go to bed.
Sunday, 3:15 AM:
I finally wake up. I feel a lot better, outlook and appetite have both returned to a healthy state. Almost all of the last two days is forgotten as of 10 PM Sunday night, the body says it was all a dream, and therefore it is all quickly forgotten.
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