Citation: Putnik. "Opioid Valhalla: experience with Heroin, Methadone, Methylphenidate & Various (ID 65390)". Erowid.org. Oct 11, 2007. erowid.org/exp/65390
I'm Milan, I'm 22 years old (my 22nd birthday was just a few days ago, at the 23rd of August, 2007. e.v.). I live in Serbia.
Serbia is one strange country. I live in the mid class, have a good parents, and 2 years younger sister who is completely straight, only smoked weed with me a couple of times. If you would come to Serbia asking for drugs, you would very soon
realise that there is not much to choose among them. Some of the finest stuff is very well kept in the tresors of the state pharmacies and you can get them only on the double copy prescription with whole a bunch of protocol filled before that. Nothing strange, it's like that in every country, but the only difference is that in the other more modern countries, you can find those same drugs on the street, while in Serbia you can't. The only drugs available on the street are Methamphetamine,
Amphetamine, MDMA, MDA, LSD, Heroin, Tramadol and Cocaine.
But, being the man born to be a drug-pro, I devoted my life in searching and experimenting with various drugs, and I myself became addicted to them. To be more precise, I became addicted to opiates at my 15th year of age, taking 300mg of Tramadol
for the first time in my life. Even if Tramadol is not fully an opiate, I immediately realised that I'm born to live with opiates and after that night I couldn't imagine my day without them. I simply said 'It's my duty to listen to my Will!'. It was so strong.
Now, after 8 years of my life with drugs, I became something. Something that's deffinetly worth of existing in this society. I finished high school and went to the Microsoft specialization for the Systems Engineer. I immediately found a great job in one company. Besite that, I'm into the occult very much, and I'm an active member of Ordo Templi Orientis. In this 8 years I tried a lot of drugs. From Marihuana, Hashish, Tramadol, MDMA, MDA, Amphetamine, Methamphetamine, across Psylocibine Mushrooms, Heroin, Methadone, Morphine, Opium, DXM, Xanax, Valium, to Valoron, Artane, Ether, Chlorophorm, Procyclidine, LSD, Salvia Divinorum and Ritalin.
I somehow managed to stay balanced myself during these years, but I entered the life threatening zone in my 21st year of age (last year). I started taking heroin at my 19th, and since then I mixed it with Morphine and Tramadol sometimes. But last year in 2006, my opiate addiction got really strong. Every salary of mine went to heroin, I completely devoted my life to heroin. I lost a connection with my Brothers and Sisters from O.T.O., I stopped with my spiritual practices, I simply became a slave, as it always goes with heroin.
Now, during that time I moved from my parents from my town Vrsac to Belgrade, because that is where my company was and I had an apartment there and I lived alone and worked. I had a few pals with whom I was sharing and taking heroin and we together cared about the money for the drugs and all the rest. During these years my parents somehow thought that I'm gonna be better. When I was 16 I went to a psyshiatric hospital and was there for 2 and a half months till I completely freaked out and demanded to turn back home. It was a kind of refreshing experience for me even if they tortured me there very much, I was taking drugs more less after that hospital. But anyway, I started taking more and more as the time passed by. To come back to Belgrade, 2006.
I was visiting my parents in Vrsac every 2 weeks for a weekend and they noticed that I'm out of cash, I was always asking them for the money, and my mother who is a nurse noticed a great change in me. I was pale, with watery eyes, out of energy, and that was getting worse every time I came to visit them, or them came to Belgrade to visit me.
At one moment, I told them that I'm taking heroin and I told them everything since I started with it. My mother was expecting that. She is a great fighter and would do anything to make me feel good. Ehhh, how much I wounded her with my drug life, I cannot forgive that to myself.
After telling them that I'm addicted to heroin, they asked me if I want to go to hospital and detox. I sad no, I thought that I can do it alone with Trodon (tramadol) and Xanax. But I really within myself didn't want to quit. And I was sufring the heroin like that until I found a very good source of it which provided me with 80% pharmaceutically pure heroin. It was white in colour and that was the strongest shit I ever snorted in my life. I started with the pure heroin. After some time, I started taking it I.V. I was disciplined, always had a new syringe and a needle, always used alcohol and a water from ampoules. But, I kept taking it more and more, and it was like that until I reached 3g of that shit a day!
[Erowid Note: 3 grams of Heroin is considered an extremely high dose, tolerant users require higher doses. See Heroin Dose Chart]
I barely could work in the company during the day, I had to take a dose at every 45 minutes. I started falling apart. I started to feel a strange electric shocks in my legs, and that meant that my nerves got an inflammation. I started to fall in the situations when I didn't have the money for my dose and I was calling everybody on the phone asking for some money, and I was calling my parents in Vrsac and I was crying while in the withdrawals. Tramadol and Xanax couldn't do a shit for me, this stuff was too strong.
At last I had enough of that. We decided to go to a private clinic which was the only private clinic in the whole country doing the detox with Methadone. Methadone is still very controversial theme in Serbia, but the people are slowly getting the point that it's the drug of choice. So I started the initial detox in that private clinic, my parents payed all that. I started with 30mg of Methadone twice a day, but that was barely enough to cover my withdrawals. But I managed to get used to it. And the days passed, I kinda got normal again. But, it was time to start lowering the dose until I get to 0mg.
And it started. When I came to the near end, to 5mg a day, oh boy, everything was clear to me. The withdrawals started and my life was hard again. I tried to stay clean before this, but even after 2 months of being straight, my body would still yearn for opiates and I couldn't keep myself straight. I had tremors, couldn't sleep, depression and a whole bunch of shit going on with me. And when I came to 1mg of Methadone a day, I simply couldn't make it. When I came to 0mg, my doctor then switched me to Xanax, Heminevrin, Lendormin for sleeping and nothing else. I managed to stay on that therapy opiate-free for a week, then the symptoms were unbeareble to me, I couldn't go to work and I, without any thinking started with heroin again. We left the private clinic and lost any contact with the doctor.
I realised that I need a Methadone maintenance. I had 2 more choices. The state hospital for addiction and methadone maintenance in Belgrade, or the similar one in Novi Sad. I decided to visit the first one in Belgrade. But it was terrible.
The women doctor who talked with me told me and my parents 'lock him up, take away his cell-phone, give him Tramadol and Valium for 7 days and that's it.'. Stupid woman, HEYY !!! Is she mad I thought ??? I'm a man who has a job, no one can just lock me up and take my cell phone, and, Tramadol maybe can help the people with back pain, but woman, I need Methadone. She didn't want to hear me and said 'You cannot get Methadone, no way'. I knew it. We left the hospital, while I told the woman doctor 'You'll be giving Methadone to everybody once we enter the European Union!'. Stupid hospital. They are giving Methadone only to the severely addicted people who have AIDS and who are at the end of their lives.
Now, I was only left with one more chance, and that was the specialised addiction clinic in Novi Sad, where they used a modern European Methadone program. I started by writting an e-mail to the head proffesor-doctor of the clinic. He answered me and we made an appointment. Oh great, I said, I made and appointment with the head of the clinic. That was promicing. And during all that time my parents were giving me the money for heroin to have as much as I need just to get through the day until we get to the clinic in Novi Sad.
At last, the day came and we arrived at the clinic. The doctor reminded me of Shawn Connery, and he looked ultra-smart. I told him my history. At first, he didn't want to give me the Methadone, but then I fell in desperation and started a play in his office. I started crying, begging, I told them that I will kill myself and that I don't know what to do and that I tried everything in the last 8 years and nothing worked and that I need Methadone! And at last he heard me! Oh boy somebody heard me! He told me to stay in the hospital for 10 days while they make a psycho-test with me and while they scrutinize me and detox me and decide what to do.
At first it was a horrible thing for me to stay at the hospital, but I agreed. I thought that I'll be tortured like in that one when I was 16 years old. But no! This was the modern hospital working like the modern European clinic. Everybody were extremely good towards me, as a detox therapy I got a bunch of infusion and a bunch of Tramadol, Valium and Flormidal (midazolam). I also made some great friendships in the hospital, we were buying weed secretly through our room windows and were smoking it in the hospital yard, and anyway, I had a great time.
After 10 days, doctor Nikola Vuckovic (the head of the clinic who took care of me) called me in his office. He told me that I was accepted for the Methadone maintenance programe! Oh BOY, I was so happy, I was feeling free at last! My parents came that day and we packed. I said hello to all the buddies in the hospital and we left. The doctor prescribed me a starting dose of 30mg of Methadone. Beside it, he gave me an antidepressant Zoloft, anxiolytic Clonopin (clonazepam) 0.5mg once a day, and in the evening one Risperidone 2mg. I was happy. Very happy. In the next few weeks, my Methadone dose got higher and higher, and I stopped at 70mg. I felt just okay with that dose.
The months passed, but I started feeling depressive and fatigued, I didn't have a motivation. Just in the first 4 hours after taking my Methadone dose, but after that I was getting very down, and my concentration was affected very much, I couldn't focus, and I had a restless leg syndrome for already 4 years. I decided to ask my doctor to prescribe me Ritalin. And it was a hell of a talk with him, he didn't even know what Ritalin is, because, there is no Ritalin in Serbia as a registered med at all! I provided him with a lot of material which I translated from English to Serbian concerning Ritalin and he also made a lot of research on Methylphenidate and after a while, he agreed to prescribe me Ritalin.
But now there was a problem how to get it. We tried everything, but it was impossible. Then, one day while I was searching the database of the meds of Serbia, I found a list of newly approved medications for the year 2007. I saw Concerta !!! YEAH !!! I immediately called the importing company who is working on providing Concerta for Serbia and they told me that I'll have to wait, that there are a bunch of legal stuff to be finished and the Concerta will be shipped to Serbia and distributed ONLY to the state pharmacy strongly secured tresors where all of the narcotics with the potential of abuse go. And I waited and waited and waited.
I was taking speed sometimes, just to get me a little high, but it was hard for me in such a depressed state of mind and with all those symptoms. In the other hand, I didn't touch heroin, Methadone was and still is doing a great job for me. After 7 months of waiting, they finally informed my doctor in Novi Sad that Concerta arrived in Serbia and that it can be distributed. Oh great I said. It was now already a year since I started Methadone maintenance, and now I'm starting with Concerta as well. We ordered one bottle of 36mg Concerta. And guess what, I was the first person who bought the first bottle of Concerta in whole Serbia, hahaha.
So now my therapy looks like this:
Methadone 60mg (I lowered a dose a little bit)
Seroxat (paroxetine) 20mg
Risperidone 2mg in the evening
The first day of taking Concerta was interesting. I will describe the effects of this mix of mine. I woke up round 11am. Took my daily dose of Methadone, Seroxat and Clonopin. After an hour I start feeling an opiate high, but very mild, and it soothes me very much. I don't know what Seroxat and Clonopin are doing, Clonopin is just potentiating Methadone and Seroxat is giving me more euphoria, but that's not so noticable. After 3 hours after taking Methadone, Seroxat and Clonopin, I took one 36mg special-ultra-hyper constructed tablet of Concerta. Oh boy, after an hour my restless legs syndrome was gone, I felt the warmness in my body, I didn't have any more ups and downs, I was in a great mood, I could concentrate and I got motivated very much. My day started to be organized at last. Concerta, thank you to the heavens !!!
Now is the 4th day of me taking Concerta with my Methadone and I feel extra. I hope I'll get a prosperation out of this. Now, I don't need any more drugs in the world. I have my prescription drugs that keep me going and I don't have any more preassures in my mind. I'm free.
In the end, what to say. I guess the time has come for me to start building my future and my career and to make my family happy and proud of me. I stopped hanging out with every person who is on heroin or addicted to any drug, I now have nobody and have to make some new friendships. I don't say I'll become a hardcore straighter, I'll sometimes be in a mood for a joint, but nothing more beside my prescription drugs. I don't need anything else.
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