I found a bottle of cyclizine in my medical box that my ex had left behind when she left and I liked the sound of the name so I decided to look it up.
Time: 10:22 pm
I read on a website that the effects didn’t kick in for a couple of hours so I decided to pass the time with some porn and masturbation as I have found masturbation speeds up the effects of a lot of drugs in me possibly due to the faster heart rate and constant moving. I’m sure running would achieve the same result.
The first thing that happened was I started to feel a bit sleepy and lethargic and had trouble concentrating on what I was doing. I was determined to see the masturbation through but I needed to pee so bad so I decided to pee then continue. As I went to the toilet I felt quite heavy and decided to sit down and do it. I was looking at the toilet roll on the holder on the wall and I saw what I can only describe as an insect. It was of the same ilk as an albino scorpion in its skin composition but nothing like it in its shape. I thought it was a real insect as I get really skinny wiry spiders in my house so I didn’t really think much of it other that how cheeky it was to be there. as I watched it it had really thin spindly legs that were moving in what I could only describe as a mocking way and I thought to myself 'is this even real or is it this weird drug kicking in' so I pulled on the bog roll below not wanting to touch it in case it was real and it stayed in the same spot no matter how many times I pulled. at this point I knew it was a hallucination but it looked so real.
I was a little anxious and thought what can it do to me??? I then argued mentally within to come to the answer 'absolutely nothing' but then I sneaked one in on myself 'provided it is in fact a hallucination' what if its not? I didn’t like the paranoia about whether it was real or not so I decided to grab it. It of course wasn’t there and when I realised that I relaxed a bit and began seeing more of these weird fuckers all over the walls. I returned to my room and as I didn’t feel particularly spaced out I continued my masturbation to its end. During this I would get side tracked. for example I would see a third dimension in my laptop screen and have to touch it to make sure it wasn’t real.
Also I noticed weird light patterns on the wall that I thought were reflections and id touch them to see if the reflection lit up the back of my hand. at one point as I had my hand on the wall I took it away and saw the most amazing thing that was straight out of the movies. it was my own hand but like a watery shiny transparent one that came out of me. like when you see ghosts in films. I liked that and wanted to elaborate on it in my mind but hen I noticed the wall paper. I thought to myself, I never noticed that there was a pattern under the paint before. I believed that I had not noticed and that the drug had simply made me look close enough to see it. I touched the wall and could even feel the pattern, a kind of diamond like repeated shape. I was so convinced and amazed that I hadn’t noticed before that I went around checking other walls and it was there on all of them. At that point again I argued with myself. I thought there’s no way I wouldn’t have noticed this pattern so it must be a hallucination but even once I accepted that it wasn’t real the pattern was still there so I changed my mind and decided it was real after all and I had just missed it.
At one point I closed my eyes and still could see the scene in front of me as if they were open and I assumed that this was because the scene had burnt itself in to my eyes but when I moved my head the scene didn’t move with it, instead the rest of the room unfolded as if I were actually looking out through my eyelids. Very weird stuff. I noticed sometime during the trip that I could see a red 3d wireframe poppy glowing really vividly if I closed my eyes but it was boring and having read about thinking of things and them appearing I thought id give it a go. It didn’t work.
The only other thing that I actually noticed was that later in between the patterns on the wall I could make out lettering, as if the pattern was designed to spell stuff out if you looked the right way. I saw my name and then I started to think of the film the number 23 and I thought bad idea. I cant really remember much else of significance to be honest except that I had to pee a lot and I felt really really heavy. my legs got the jumps and I felt anxious quite often for no real reason. today I have felt like shit all day and every time I have an sms on my phone and it vibrates I feel anxious and nervous about it.
I don’t mind feeling like shit but don’t know how much is still in me since I do feel even now a little drowsy like codeine makes me feel. I think I’m gonna go down stairs and neck 12 of these fuckers and take a day off work tomorrow because I believe that my skepticism and reluctance to believe coupled with the apprehension of doing something new made it less of a trip than it would have been had I embraced it.
