Ever since I was 12 years old I have been on some kind of anti depressant or anti anxiety medication (thanks to my mother). To name a few, I have tried: paxil, celexa, zoloft, cerequil, prozac, ativan, wellbutrin etc. I always took ativan to help me go to sleep and thought it didn't do anything. One time, to knock me out before an MRI, I was given 2 mg ativan whereas I usually took .5mg. I started to feel a little high, and decided to try it recreationally.
At first I took 3 mg. I felt a better high than I had ever from smoking pot. I felt euphoric, and my entire body was tingling. I felt completely happy and like I understood the world. I wrote pages and pages of poetry about human nature and peace. I was dancing to music and feeling it vibrating all around me. I dumped a bottle of water over my head just to see if I could still feel anything (and I barely did!). I loved it and did this for a while.
The only thing is I've developed a high tolerance. Maybe because I'm so used to taking medication, or maybe not, but now if I even take 6mg I only get tired. I doubt I will ever be able to feel that wonderful on the drug again. Pretty quickly I find that I needed to keep increasing my doses, which is a huge pain. I will be very sleepy (as it is an anti-anxiety med). Even when I feel sober, it does stay in my system, and I sometimes appear high or 'slow' to others around me.
