| DOSE: |
repeated |
smoked |
Cannabis
|
(plant material) |
| |
repeated |
oral |
Melatonin
|
(pill / tablet) |
I am in my late 40s. I was a heavy user of cannabis (and everything else I could get my hands on)when in my teens - but I gave it all up when I was 21 due to some heavy psychological problems I had (I realise now induced by grief at the loss of a family member). I revisited cannabis about three years ago and have become a regular but very controlled user. I say controlled because I use it in small doses almost medicinally. I find it gives me far greater empathy for people than I have usually and my relationships have improved a lot since I began using cannabis again. However, I was concerned about some side effects: memory loss and less mental agility.
I read comments online about melatonin and its assistance in dealing with these side effects and so I thought I would try it out. I have now been taking it each night for about a month. It certainly helps with sleep and has assisted me with mental agility which is all I really wanted.
However, there have been some quite dramatic unforeseen benefits. I have found that I have a new much more positive attitude. Often when I first smoke weed, I feel feelings of anxiety, fear and paranoia. Although unpleasant, I endure these feelings because I know they will pass and I will get into that more relaxed and peaceful state. Lately, however, far from having any paranoid thoughts after I have just smoked, I have felt very good about myself and even shall I say “full of myself” a kind of celebration at being me! These same good feelings continue whether stoned on cannabis or not.
I can actually record the beginning of this positive experience as an epiphany which occurred after a nightmarish dream. I won’t go into detail but lets say I encountered some “demons” which I was able to dismiss as phantoms (and I’m not a religious person). It was scary dream but carried with it a message that came to me as I reflected on it in the days that followed. I know it has changed my consciousness – almost like an exorcism.
If I smoke some weed about the same time as taking the melatonin and then go to bed and close my eyes, I will be transported into a very hallucinogenic state which for me was panic free and the closest thing to absolute bliss that I have ever experienced – almost a back to the womb experience – I kid you not!
As I write this (not under the influence of weed) I feel a sort of warmth running through me. I hope it will continue because at the moment I feel the happiest I have felt for many years. Whether it’s a combination of both substances I don’t know – but I felt compelled to share my experience because I really believe that with a little “tweaking” I can find the right chemical balance for my brain. I also think that tweaking can be achieved by other means such as meditation which I intend to explore - because ultimately I would prefer to find that balance in a drug free way.
