It all started in college. I was a sophomore, 20 years old at the time. The problems began with problems sleeping--eventually leading to insommnia. I went to see a doctor about the problem, and I was told that I was experiencing anxiety/depression. I was prescribed to Klonopin, .5mg 'up to 3 times daily as needed'. At this point in my life, I didn't know what this drug was like or what kind of effects I would feel.
I remember the first night I came back with a prescription for Klonopin (Clonazepam) and Ambien (10 mg). It was a friday night, so I decided to take my first .5mg Klonopin and hopped in the shower to get ready for a night out. By the time I was out of the shower, dressed and ready to crack open my first beer, my roommate laughed and said I looked really high because my eyes were half-open and sleepy. (She knew I started taking the medication). I remember feeling so relaxed and almost drunk, that I drank my first beer over the course of about an hour. I didn't even want it (which is extremely unlike me--being a heavy drinker).
Well that was the first time. I started needing more Klonopin eventually in order to control my anxiety and feel the same effects. My doctor prescribed me to 1 mg pills, 'take 1 pill up to 3 times daily as needed.' Well, as the weeks went on, I would sometimes pop 3 or 4 mgs at a time to get the real buzz. The few months I was on the medication are very blurry to me now. I lost about 20 pounds (I originally weighed around 135, and got down to around 110 pounds-- I'm 5'6. I looked like a skeleton. I don't know why I lost the weight, but I completely lost my appetite and never wanted to eat. I would go out and drink with my friends on a regular basis, which meant I would black out on a regular basis because of the medication. 3 to 4 times per week, I would wake up with absolutely no memory of the night before. My tolerance for alcohol was very low because I never ate, and because the pills made one beer feel like four beers. I was sloppy and completely addicted.
After a few months, I realized that I needed to get off Klonopin. I made a plan to wean myself off of them (with little guidance from my doctor) and gave my bottle to my roommate to hide (so I wouldn't take more than I was supposed to).
I was completely off Klonopin near the end of my last semester of sophomore year. The weaning was not slow enough, apparently, because I experienced withdrawal symtoms for the next two months. It started while studying for finals - I noticed my hands were shaking and it was hard to write. Once I got home for the summer, the withdrawal really kicked in. My body was constantly twitching and experiencing tremors. I had the most extreme anxiety I had ever had. I couldn't sleep. I ended up taking 9 ambien (10 mg pills) one night when I was drunk - not intending to kill myself, but in a state of wanted to kill my pain. I woke up in the ER the next morning with charcoal all over my face.
The withdrawal eventually went away, and I was stabalized on anti-depressants. I have caused severe damage to my liver, and have a constant desire to numb pain. I am finally happy, 3 years later, out of college and working. I hope someone out there will read this and save themselves from going to hell and back.
