11 pm: In a second attempt at smoking BZP freebase, I inhaled about 4 hits of the vile chemical tasting smoke. Effects came on very subtly, and I ended up in a very speeded up, euphoric, and sociable mood within half an hour. I wanted to feel more of it, and one thing leading to another, I ended up smoking the substance compulsively, every half hour or so, till about 4am.
By the time I decided to call it a night, my pupils were very dilated, and there was no way to find sleep. I was having a seemingly great time while on it, but was craving the company of other people. I was also extremely horny, but orgasm was impossible to reach.
The comedown was awful. The effects lasted about another 6 hours after my last hit. When I finally came down enough to sleep, I was able to somewhat objectively look at my actions. What I saw horrified me. I am not a compulsive person, consume substances only episodically, and eschew any kind regular usage. The way in which I systematically toked on the pipe to get back to that stupid buzz horrified me, and reminded me way too much of people I have seen abuse cocaine or meth (neither of which I have done, so I can't compare). I also noticed, that while I was on it, the effects seemed marvelous, but once I was down, the whole experience felt utterly empty and pointless. No insight (nothing like MDMA), no expansion of consciousness, just a ridiculous release of ego-aggrandizing flights of fancy.
The scariest aspect of the trip, however, occurred after a few hours of sleeping. I had previously decided to take some GHB at the trail end of the BZP trip, to get beyond the residual speedy feeling and find some sleep. I did sleep, and was woken up a few hours later by the phone. While I felt just a little groggy making my way to the phone, I was horrified to find myself utterly unable to carry on a normal conversation. Nothing made sense. My brain felt completely scrambled. I became convinced that I had damaged my brain. The confused state lasted for about an hour. The sheer terror of it seemed to engage a strong will to pull out of it, and I watched, with relief, my rational faculties slowly return to the surface, as if retrieving pieces of a lost sunken treasure. Was this scary episode due to BZP, or to the addition of GHB? I don't know, but it certainly doensn't resemble any GHB intoxication that I have ever experienced: I was completely awake, not groggy, witnessing my utter inability to understand anything.
The day after I had a mild headache, and continued to feel slightly speedy. It was only the second day that I returned to normal, albeit abnormally anxious (and this took yet another day to go away). I have not had further residual after effects.
While I will never repeat this experiment, and have gotten rid of the BZP, I am nonetheless thankful for what happened: I feel it has given me a first hand peek into the compulsive hell of highly stimulating, non-entheogenic substances. I would advise anyone to stay away from this one. I cannot think of any use that would justify it's addictive potential, and I shutter to think of how this one would wreck havoc on someone with a taste for amphetamines or cocaine.
