I am 24 years old. I have honestly finished my drug using years. I really do not do a whole lot of experimentation any more. I have done enough. My main concern is keeping my shit together. Which is already hard enough to begin with . . . at least for me.
I am a photography assistant/aspiring photographer who migrates from studio to studio on a contract basis. I hit a period with a really stressful studio where the hours were really long and the environment was less than ideal. Which is not really anything new. The Photo racket is a hard buis.
I suddenly dropped about 15lbs over the course of a month for no reason. I quit sleeping worth a shit. Started having anxiety attacks at night. And literally felt like crap about 90% of the time. I was really used to getting no sleep. It was a regular occurance. I was used to being a Zombie. It was nothing new.
I finally went into the doctor. And . . . no surprise. One of the chambers in my heart was filling too fast. AKA. My heart was beating too fast. Which was likely stemming from a thyroid disorder. Which is a genetic thing. My need for something to help me sleep was legit. And my need for some blood work was also a legitimate concern. I have abused alot of substances in the past, which I did not quite make clear to the doctor who was concerned about my lack of sleep and overall tired appearance.
I have to say that Ambien really gets me high even at the dosage of 10mg which was prescribed for me. The first couple of days I took it, I took it earlier than necessary. And if I were in public, I probably would have taken a ride in a squad car. It really gives me a night of quality sleep beyond anything even close to natural. I wake up feeling fine. I usually take it around 8pm or so. When I use it for a week straight, it really becomes easy to justify taking the stuff . . . I sleep really well. And not taking it can mean no sleep . . . and a shitty job at work.
The past few nights I have forced my self to not take a tablet. And needless to say the nights have not been easy. I have been sweating alot. I notice much more anxiety than I remember and sleeping is overall worse than I remember my self doing before I started taking the tablets.
I am familiar with the symptoms of opiate withdrawal. And I really think this drug has got some potential for some real problems if I am not careful. All I know is that I am counting on taking the tabs to sleep. I think about them alot when it is bed time.
I think it can be a God send. I really needed the stuff. But about half as much and about half the dose prescribed. It is getting me stoned. Even in the amount the doc is writing me.
