After reading online about meditation a bit, I thought I would give it a try. I sat down and crossed by legs, leaned back to support my spine on my couch. I just tried to relax and think about nothing. Most of my attention was towards sweeping the thoughts out of my mind.
-For about the first five minutes, I forced myself to relax, but gradually as time went on, I sat more still and eventually had no desire to move.
- When about fifteen minutes had gone by I felt a strange pressure on my eyes, nothing intense or painful, just a kind of pushing sensation. Somewhere in the 15-20 minute timeframe I felt as if I was filled with an energy circling around in my head. Every time I breathed in, I felt more energy building up.
-All of a sudden 'pop' I breathe out... I feel my body becoming liquid, I see a tunnel circling around my eye lids, and I keep falling deeper and deeper. Then everything stops, I get the 'tripping' feeling that I would get on weed but different. My head seems clear of all emotions, thoughts and feelings. I open my eyes and look at a small red light coming from my T.V. (room is dark so it is bright and easy to concentrate on). I look into the light and get the sucking sensation again, I literally felt my whole body being sucked into the light. It seemed as if my eyes would focus, or zoom in on the light. I see every little ray coming out as if I’m just inches in front of it, though I was across the room.
- I sat there for about forty minutes. I could still think, but thoughts seemed like whispers instead of a semi loud voice of intuition. I thought, this is incredible, I see why many religions stress meditation. I did feel 'closer to God' as described in Buddhism. Out of any drug I had ever done, weed, dxm, Dramamine, adderall, alcohol, this was different. That sense of reality had been empowered to the point where I knew this was more then just 'relaxing', or clearing my mind. As I looked up more on meditation that night, I found that I had entered a state of 'inner peace'. Euphoric, spiritual, enlightening, empowering, not a care in the world. Never had I ever felt this peace of mind before. There was no 'fake' feeling like I get on drugs. Its real, natural, and healthy. I got the urge to stand up and see if the feeling would last, I had a feeling it wouldn’t so I sat there for awhile. When I finally did get up I felt rested, alert, and energetic. I sat down to read more on meditation, and I got that floating feeling again. When I would sit or lay down the rest of the night I got this sensation. They say meditation helps anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed with clinical depression years ago, I did not stay medicated due to side effects of the prescriptions. I know meditation doesn’t affect serotonin, but I felt more “happy” and relaxed then I had in a very long time (at least for the rest of the night after meditating).
- If I could pick any way to feel the rest of my life, that would be the feeling. I had been on 700+mg of DXM and got a hint of the grace I got from this. The 'tripping' feeling wasn’t really a 'tripping' feeling, where the world seems like its shaking (euphorically). It was a feeling of everything I was being pulled into the world around me through my eyes. I would say it was the most 'fucked up' I had ever been in my life, but It was more than just a trip, it was a spiritual journey within myself that I could never forget.
afterwards
- I had successfully reached this point six or seven more times, the day after the first night I reached the 'inner peace'. I went to school, I laid my head down on the desk and (somehow) reached the point again. Literally I had chased the feeling for the rest of the school year, teachers thought I wasn’t getting enough sleep. If you were to ask me, I became psychologically addicted to the feeling after the second time I reached it. I thought so hard of trying to reach it, I lost it. I couldn't get to that level anymore. Like I've read, anticipating and impatience are the hardest thing to ignore while meditating. This was something more than just a relaxed feeling.
-note: Recently I tried cd's that produce alpha, beta, thelsa, and delta brain waves (they use wave frequencies and Hertz to help you meditate). I got a very similar result by listening to these. The good ones aren’t music, they are like a 'humming' noise.
