Citation: D&D. "Sewn Into the Fabric of the Universe: experience with Ketamine, Alcohol, Cannabis & Cocaine (ID 44793)". Erowid.org. Sep 29, 2008. erowid.org/exp/44793
I had purchased some ketamine at a festival and whilst there tried a quick sniff which produced an interesting physical sensation of sponginess and some mild dissociative effects. I was told that larger doses would yield incredible psychedelic experiences so decided to save the rest for future experimentation.
Two weeks later back at home, my partner (D) and I took out the wrap of powdered K and prepared some lines. We'd already had a few beers, some cannabis and had earlier snorted two lines of cocaine each. We decided to try a little ketamine to mellow the edgy after effects of the coke. We had no intention of going on any kind of major psychedelic journey but didn't really have any idea of how to dose the ketamine, so I cut out two lines, about the same size as the lines of coke we had done earlier. We both snorted in quick succession and I immediately, instinctively stood up to take in the physical effects. Within 20 seconds I had the spongy feeling again and much stronger rushes in my head which seemed like an intense nitrous blast without the buzzing noise. I remember talking to D who was sat across the room but my words felt like they were having to travel much further than normal to reach her.
I walked over and sat next to her and held her hand. My vision became increasingly distorted and shaky and as I turned towards D to talk to her it seemed to take a long time for my head to rotate, and I had a strange feeling that I wasn't completely in control of this movement, that somehow I was issuing a command for my head to rotate and it was then responding and I could perceive this process. The effects then began to amplify rapidly and it took all my concentration to talk to D to check if she was in the same situation. 'We're tripping.....really hard' I said, which seemed to take a long time to say, and felt somehow as though I wasn't saying it. 'I know' came the response from D which seemed to take even longer to reach me.
Nothing could prepare me for what happened next. I heard D say 'I'm melting' and I think I said 'Goodbye' as I also melted away from reality, as though I fell backwards into another space. Obviously we had entered the infamous k-hole, but I had no sense of this or any rational thought to cling onto or justify the experience. From here onwards it is very difficult to remember or relate the experience, all I can say is that it was as though I was stripped of my personality, memories, language, vision - everything that makes me human. There was just a sense of existing as part of the fabric of the universe, as if I had become sewn into it. I have vague recollections of some form of communication with other entities in this space, but not through language or visual means, probably more like telepathy or sharing the same point of consciousness in this most unusual domain.
Although I struggle to retain any true memory of this place and the things that happened there I know without question that it was the single most profound experience of my life. It was as though I witnessed the truth of the universe and our existence, or rather was reduced to the point, having been stripped of my human faculties, where I was returned into the truth that we somehow vacate to travel in our human vehicles. It now seems logical to me that within us exists a 'soul' (for want of a better word) that occupies the body and is given memories, language and personality by means of our brain chemistry. It does not seem at all unreasonable that when we die the brain ceases to provide these functions and we (although it is not really us) enter or return to the domain that ketamine allows us to visit. As I began to emerge I can remember catching brief moments of normal reality interspersed amongst the world of ketamine, and I said to D three or four times 'Everything we do is irrelevant'.
Gradually the moments of normal reality became more frequent until in an instant I felt my normal consciousness fully click back into place, as though I had suddenly caught hold of myself. At this point I could still sense the ketamine world but this rapidly diminished. Simultaneously I was experiencing quite bizarre physical effects, as though I was just outside of my body, maybe by a couple of inches, and that every movement was highly mechanical and sometimes as though my joints were literally grinding together. The sponginess was most evident and once standing up I had a very strange perception of my height which I can't really explain. Once into the recovery period I felt groggy, a little nauseous and when I went to the bathroom to check myself in the mirror I found that I was wearing a look of complete shock and surprise on my face.
I have since re-visited the ketamine domain on one other occasion and it was equally profound as the first experience, yet I still struggle to retain anything but the vaguest notions of what transpired. Since that second visit I find myself thinking about these experiences a lot and searching my mind for memories or feelings that I can identify with both my journeys, and for this reason I have decided that I will only use ketamine on very rare occasions. It is that much of an experience that I could imagine myself losing interest in day to day life with regular use.
I must say that having experienced some quite strong LSD and Mushroom trips in the past that Ketamine is an entirely new level, a completely different ball game. Neither trip was in any way unpleasant apart from minor physical effects during the recovery period which I'm sure can be minimised or eliminated by preparing properly. I feel I have traveled to a place that we are probably not meant to see while we are alive in our bodies, that I have looked behind the curtains of reality.
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