In April of 2005 I went to see my physician. I have always been a nervous, high-strung, and shall I say 'wild-minded,' person. But when I began lying in bed at night adding numbers, (dates, phone numbers, birthdays and the such,) in an attempt to find some pattern and figure out the meaning of life, I decided I was becoming a little weird, even for me.
When I told my doctor about my bizarre thoughts and rituals, he prescribed me Paxil, without ever sharing with me my diagnosis.
I was tremendously excited by this, for I am a great taker of pills. When I came home, happily clutching my newly filled prescription, I checked the internet to get a little more insight on how I might be affected by this drug. All the stories I read were pretty much horror stories, which scared me a little, but I figured since I'd already paid for the medicine, I might as well give it a try.
At first I felt a little nauseated and hot. I saw a bit of a rippling affect on my stucco ceiling, and lay staring at it for hours since the paxil made it extremely difficult for me to fall asleep. These side affects were annoying but bearable, and were gone within the first week.
I have now been on paxil for nearly three months and love it. I don't feel weird or drugged. I feel normal, something I hadn't felt in years. I am generally in a very good mood, and I no longer have thoughts of suicide or experience uncontrollable compulsive behavior, such as the number adding. I still have emotions, though I must admit I've not really been worried or sad since I've been on the medication. I'm content with my life and happy to be alive, which until I got on Paxil was not true. Until I got on this drug and began to feel normal, I didn't realize just how loony I'd become.
I wasn't just a little blue, I was very unbalanced and to put it bluntly, nutty.
