Citation: R. "Induced Depression?: experience with Alcohol (ID 43756)". Erowid.org. Jun 16, 2006. erowid.org/exp/43756
Last Saturday I was at a friend's house (let's call him 'A'). We were supposed to be studying for our exam and working on our assignment, but instead we procrastinated. We surfed the web and walked around the block looking for unencrypted wireless networks.
At around 6pm, we decided that we wanted the other guy in our 3-person class to help with the assignment (lets call him 'B'). So we phoned him up and eventually convinced him to come and help us with the assignment.
A's parents weren't home. So instead of studying and working on the assignment, we decided we would get drunk and watch a movie.
It was my first time I had consumed any reasonable amount of alcohol. I mean, I have had small amounts of beer and wine and cidar before, but not enough to do anything more than blur my vision slightly.
So first thing we had was this weird brazillain drink which is supposed to be something like 50-70% alcohol. I had 2 shots. Then, we went through A's parents' alcohol cupboard and poored a tiny bit of every spirits bottle into one glass and I had 2 or 3 shots of that.
It took about 15 minutes to take affect. The movie we watched was 'Pulp Fiction', we watched the DVD in A's computer. Whoa, that's a pretty fucked-up movie. And the whole thing was quite funny. All through it my vision was blurry.
At 11:20pm, the movie finished and we turned up the speakers attached to A's computer to a level that probably woke up all his neighbors, and then played some of his trance music. We did this for about 15 minutes. Then B went home. I stayed for another twenty minutes, then went home. By this time, the effects of the alcohol had worn off, or so I thought.
I went home.
The week that followed was exam block, and it has just ended today. Exam blocks are normally not fun.
I should probably provide some background. I am currently in my final year at high school. I'm not sure when it was exactly, but a couple of months ago I realized how much of a nerd I was and how much I have wasted my life up till this point. And I decided I would change it.
A, B, and me are in a 3-person class at my school studying a very difficult subject. The class has halved in size since the beginning of last year. A and B had social lives, they enjoyed. My only social life was in front of my computer reading Slashdot. And it was just reading it - not actually posting stuff. At the end of last term, I realized how much I had wasted my life and wanted it to change. I will suffice to say that my exploits with the ladies have not been very successful in the past. But through a couple of phone calls I found me a date for the school formal in a couple of weeks time. I'll call her C.
We have dated once, the Friday before the Saturday on which the drinking occurred. We saw a movie, and talked. I was amazed at how nice she was, and how incredibly beautiful. And she was taking me to the formal! I should be happy...Well I was happy about that.
But other than this, little has happened to change my no-social-life problem. A and B are my only real friends at school, and I only have one friend outside of school, it was him who introduced me to C.
Other than this, not much has happened to improve my social-life situation. I have been pressing A and B to find parties for me to go to with them, but so far have not been to any. They have both been going to parties, but their reasons for not telling me about it are different every time. In this past week, I have wondered if they actually care about helping me to get a social life like they say they do.
I am aware that this probably sounds like its going nowhere, but Iím almost getting to the problems that I think the alcohol caused. Just keep reading for few couple more paragraphs.
A has sex on a regular basis - he knows a hot girl, and she comes over to his house almost every day...He also uses illicit substances such as LSD, ecstasy, DMT, cannabis, etc. He enjoys his life.
Now, the past week.
Over the past week, I have been hugely depressed. As in, I don't want to go to school to do my exams, not even for the difficult class (which I get very good marks for). OK, bad example.
I came home at night, and sit in front of my computer. In the past I would have browsed Slashdot, but now I just sit here, thinking and feeling like shit. Wishing I had a social life. Wishing I knew my 'friends' at school a little better. Wishing I could be slightly more relaxed while talking to C. Wishing I had started on the social life thing a year or so earlier.
Basically, I feel like shit. Especially in the evenings. I don't feel like doing anything except sitting in front of my computer and hating my life.
Today I thought it was over, but I realized at about 5pm that in fact it was not. I was hating my life as much as ever. I was wishing I was at a party somewhere, instead of in front of this computer.
I have given this a lot of thought, and I believe it is the fault of the alcohol. There are a lot of things that might be involved here...there's all the stress and worry about doing exams that are important for the rest of my life. But, now the exams are over, and I'm more depressed than ever. And also I had exams for Thursday and Friday of the week before that Saturday.
Still, there's the formal to look forward to. But after that? I don't know. I hope, I really hope, that I can improve on my social standing after that. I hate being depressed. I want to go to parties with A and B, and I want to enjoy my life.
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