I am writing about a very frightening experience that I have had with yaje, this was only my 2nd time experimenting with these plants and I do not think I'll ever indulge in the ayahuasca realms again. To start off, I have had many, many experiences with hallucinogens like LSD, various phenethylamines and tryptamines, shrooms, xtc. I've have always loved tripping, so much to the point where I would of considered it my favorite pastime; and not just mild tripping, I'm talking pushing the envelope and going out of my mind tripping days on end, all the while never having a bad trip, until one day my sources for LSD & research chemicals/others dried up and I found myself looking for other options. So I then turned to the ancient ayahuasca for the cognitive enlightenment that I have always loved.
I procured a quantity of Caapi vine and Mimosa H. root bark and was very eager to experiment. The first experience that I had was mild due to the fact that I only boiled the plant matter once and then consumed; the second experience was very intense because even though I used the same amount of material, instead of only boiling it once, I boiled and strained the material and then repeated that process 3-4 times then I boiled the resulting gallon or so of liquid down to the volume of about a coffee cup, the end product was a lot darker and thicker that the first.
So I was in my home, very comfortable setting, it had taken all day to prepare the brew so I had put myself into a cosmic frame of mind. So I drank the horrible tasting brew, it was so awful tasting that I could only get half of the cup down. I waited an hour for the mandatory puking session, hurled and then, thinking that I wasn't tripping hard enough downed the rest of the vile, wretched concoction. Almost instantly after drinking that, I was tripping like mad. I then sensed the presence of a higher power or greater beings, though not of this world so there was no visual representation of them. Through an advanced telepathic communication with them I perceived that I was going to be shown something, but by the time I interpreted that, I had to go back to the bathroom to puke horribly and repeatedly all the while receiving messages that I cannot even translate into words, but the summary was that I was taking life for granted and that, soon life would be over and I have nothing to show for my life but spending half of the time tripping in my own world, caught up in creating my own self-induced cognitive bliss. Then I stopped puking and this is where the hellish nightmare began.
Basically what I experienced was my own reality death game show, I mean the TV was flashing news reports of my death over and over in many different methods (car wreck, cardiac arrest) and I was hearing the insane laughfter from a game show in my head. Then I went into a time-loop wherein I experienced death over and over, I mean I had no doubt in my mind that I wasn't dead, I felt the life leaving me to the point where I just let go and faded into the light and experienced nothing but pure pain. I repeated this death time-loop until eventually I thought that this repitition was hell and I had already been dead. Each time I died I was told that my chance at life was at its end and to prepare to be judged. The whole time this was occuring I was getting truly amazing detailed visuals that were overlapping and covering almost everything real, DMT truly has the most exquisite visuals. Eventually I just came out of this demented hellish loop and back to reality.
Since this trip I have had no urge to trip on anything as this trip had such a profound impact on my consciousness and mental state of being. I have tripped once since then just to check and see if it was just DMT that was hellishly scary or if I still like tripping, I tripped off of a moderate dose of mushrooms and my mind has been impacted to the degree that I can't even handle mild little trips anymore. So I have quit psychedelics for the time being and I never thought I would ever say that. Dont take DMT lightly, I believe that it the chemical in our brains that is released when we die and when we are born and Death has truly taught me that life is short.
