It all started one labor day weekend, my freind and I had gone to south beach. I was into going out clubbing with my freinds. I had been clean off of coke for 2 years and finally thought my life was in order. I guess I shoudve said one more time wont hurt me or drag me back in, but I was wrong. It did not only drag me back in, it was an every weekend thing, sometimes starting thursday night into sunday night. After awhile the E wasn't doing it for me, and thats when I got introduced to 'Tina' crystal meth.
I remember doing my first bump, I danced all over the club and felt fine and alive. A part of me still misses those first few times where I was untouchable and could go all night, and nights at a time and still be able to function and go to work. I would say that lasted the first year. I never did it everyday but just on the weekend would be enough. I would party from sat. night and make sure I had a little left over to give me that boost before work monday. By the time I fell asleep it would be monday nights at around 11. For the rest of the week, I would work, come home and pass out. After awhile I felt I needed to do it even when I didn't go out on the weekends. I would sit home on the computer and bump. I had lost weight and finally was feeling at a comfortable weight. At that time I just wanted to look cute in my outfits.
In reality I would use it more as a diet and way of losing weight fast. Bad thing is during the week when I was not on it I would eat everything in sight. What do you think started going in my mind every weekend? 'I ate so much I need to do this so I can lose weight.' For three years, every weekend that what me and my freinds would do. I can't say how I regret doing that first bump. I have been cleaning up my act longer and longer each time. I have been trying to stop little by little. I have been getting better, every relapse that I have I am able to go longer without doing it because I see the side effects. I no longer have clear skin, and I have scars from picking at pimples that didn't need to be picked, all over my arm and acne on my face. Its a horrible feeling to go around with scars and cuts on your face and arm and not feel guilty because I am doing this to myself. I have to tell you how hard it is to stop for even three weekends, and all that is going thru my mind is I ate so much recently how am I going to lose it without coming back to the same wrong path. Its a struggle and a fight that I am still dealing with tody. As much as I want to stop, I still crave how the first few bumps made me feel. That will never happen.
