| DOSE: |
|
oral |
MDMA
|
(powder / crystals) |
I took MDMA for the first time with a shamanic guide who had facilitated other such journeys many times, a person who I felt close to and trusted. She had pure MDMA, not tainted with anything, and she gave me a capsule of it with a 'minimal' dose, as she said. She usually required journeyers to lay down and wear blindfolds to encourage them to 'go within', but she had started a fire in the fireplace and I was mesmerized by it, which made it easier for me to relax and close my eyes when the time came. I was laying down the entire time.
At first I was scared, but I heard voices telling me I was so loved, and a familiar spirit guide appeared and showed me how I had the power to perform magic and make myself disappear. The first thing I noticed after that was just an enormous loving feeling encompassing my whole body. I felt so loved by the entire universe--it is so hard to describe. The love extended through my entire body, down through my legs and my arms, and especially at my heart center. I felt so safe, so warm, so relaxed. I looked to my right, where I could feel light streaming in from the window. When I opened my eyes, I saw, or sensed anyway, what I knew was an angel. I called my facilitator over and told her about it, with a big grin on my face.
Then I could feel angels throughout the room, there were at least 2 or 3 of them. I shut my eyes again and traveled. I envisioned myself travelling in a spiral pattern out of the house I was in, into the sky, out from the earth, and then out of the universe. I came to the outskirts of space, and found that it was surrounded by a boundary of white light. I was told this was 'the source', I am assuming the source of all life.
I wanted to go in but was afraid I would disappear, so I went part-way in and stopped. Whenever I would stick my hand further in, the bright light would engulf it, and it was as if my body became part of the light. I saw the recently-deceased mother of a close friend, and she spoke with me for a bit. I saw my grandparents who had passed away several years ago, they looked like balls of light but I still recognized them. I was given information about how souls travel back and forth from earth after they pass on from their physical forms.
This whole time I was accompanied by spirit guides. To my surprise, they answered all of the deep 'meaning of life' questions I asked of them. I won't go into all the details here. But they showed me different nature scenes from earth, and I could recognize how beautiful it was.
At one point I called my facilitator over and asked her for a hug, and then I told her I loved her. She said she loved me too, it was such a beautiful moment.
My journey continued on for several hours, I'm not sure how long but perhaps four hours or so. When I started to come down, I opened my eyes and stared at the fire once more. During the journey, I often felt like I do on an LSD or mushroom trip, but the feelings in my body were a lot more loving.
During my come-down, my facilitator went upstairs to get me some fruit, and I sat looking at the fire. There were candles set up around the room, and there was one over the fireplace in a glass votive. I was looking right towards it when the flame in it suddenly shot straight up, twice as high as the votive! At first I thought I must have been hallucinating still, but I walked over to take a closer look, and it was really burning that high! The votive got so hot that it turned black and cracked. It was almost like I was getting a message that even though the journey was over, my spirit still burned inside me like a flame--and the messages I had been getting were 'real', even in this world.
This all happened before my facilitator came back. I told her about the candle incident and she was as surprised as I was. She gave me the fruit, and it tasted better than anything I had ever eaten. She stayed with me for a short while, then left me alone so she could go to sleep. I stayed awake for hours, replaying the journey in my head. It took me a long long time to get to sleep.
I awoke the next morning to the sound of chirping, and it turned out there was a chipmunk in my room, with one of the cats chasing it. The whole experience was just so bizarre following a journey so unique. The entire next day I felt kind of drained and sad that the experience had to end. I also had that upset-stomach kind of feeling I always get following the ingestion of hallucinogens. But it was worth it for the awesome experience of it. My friends told me I was glowing for days afterward.
