Syrian Rue & Ayahuasca (D. cabrerana, M. hostilis & B. caapi )
Citation: Thoth. "The Lion Hunt: experience with Syrian Rue & Ayahuasca (D. cabrerana, M. hostilis & B. caapi ) (ID 35384)". Erowid.org. Oct 11, 2004. erowid.org/exp/35384
I had some Ayahuasca left over from my last experience with it (see that report
) and was awaiting an appropriate time to drink it.
That time came about 3 weeks after that first experience with this particular batch of Ayahuasca. That first trip was extraordinarily intense and left my serotonic pathways feeling very cleansed. It felt as though the Ayahuasca experience briefly healed me of a depressive mind-state that I was in prior to the experience. I felt so happy to be alive for once in my life. I was certainly looking forward to drinking it again.
This was to be my fourth time drinking Ayahuasca and my second time drinking it with the tryptamine-containing constituent being Diplopterys cabrerana (which is known to also contain 5-MeO-DMT). I decided to drink it alone and prepared myself with a quiet day of relaxing, fasting, and reading a book about the Upanishads.
At around 11:30pm I consumed the MAOI (which was 4 grams of Syrian Rue seeds in this case). I've found that it is much easier to just eat the powdered seeds and then chase it down with alot of warm tea rather then boiling them into a concotion. I felt almost no nausea after consuming the powdered seeds. The sedative MAOI effect took a few minutes to begin but was definitely evident. I wanted to wait to make sure that the MAOI had taken full effect and conversed with a few friends online while doing so.
At midnight (one half hour after ingesting the Syrian Rue seeds) I prepared myself to drink the actual Ayahuasca. Ayahuasca seems to taste even more horrible every single time that I send it through my esophagus. The smell of the brew alone was enough to make me gag but I knew that this was a very small price to pay for the revelations presented by Ayahuasca. I have only thrown up once out of four Ayahuasca experiences (I seem to have a rather resilient stomach) but I prepared for the worst. I pinched my nose and took one very large gulp of the brew. My memory of the ever-so harsh and bitter taste of Ayahuasca was refreshed as I swallowed the mud brown-colored liquid. I consumed about half of the Ayahuasca in one gulp and finished it with a second swallow. I drank alot of tea afterwards in an attempt to wash the VERY distinct taste out of mouth but it still lingered slightly.
In my last experience I felt very nauseated immediately after consuming it but I did not feel much nausea this time. I sat on my couch and watched television while awaiting the effects. For 10 minutes or so I felt absolutely nothing (as opposed to my last experience where I felt dreamy almost instantly). Then I decided to stand up and walk to my computer...
The Ayahuasca hit me like a huge tryptamine train. In one second a massive body load and nausea took over my entire body. All of the sudden I was remembering every bit of information that I had aquired in my past Ayahuasca trips. It also felt like this trip was continuing right where the last one had left off. This was very intense! I felt too inebriated to walk around my house and the nausea was growing more uncomfortable. I decided to sit in my bathroom and await the inevitable purge that I was sure would soon take place. As I walked in and looked in the bathroom mirror I noticed that I had this familiar appearance to myself that I have noticed while experiencing Salvia Divinorum and in previous Ayahuasca trips.
My bathroom has white wallpaper with patterns of tiny roses on it. I've always thought that this would be interesting to look at while tripping. As I sat there hunched over by the toilet I was indeed engulfed by many patterns that were using each individual rose on the wall as a guiding point. The walls began to breath and expand rapidly in size. At first this was interesting but soon it became much too overwhelming. At one point I decided to use my imagination to envision the outline of four aliens on the bathroom wall. I was very quick to assure myself that my own mind was responsible for this. The nausea seemed to be subsiding so I stumbled back to the couch. I never did throw up during this experience.
Now 45 minutes had passed since initially consuming the Ayahuasca and the trip developed towards a very very intense level as I sat on my couch. Thousands and thousands of confused thoughts raced through my mind, just as they had occured last time. The physical bodyload was so intense that I could barely move my body at this point. I had prepared some music prior to the trip but decided at this time that it would be too intense to listen to. Then I reached my hand up to feel my head and it felt as though my head was disintegrating into millions of particles of universal energy and data! I always try to reassure myself that I am just tripping when I do reach such intense levels with heavy psychedelics but doing so at this time was only making things worse. I refused to let my head be engulfed by this energy and (as instinct took over) I began moving around violently in an attempt to stop this disintegration from occuring. It did work but I was now a bit startled at just how intense what had just happened actually was.
I thought that this had to be the peak but I worried that there could be yet another intense peak soon to come (since it wasn't even an hour into the trip). I stood up and began walking around. I've found that walking and moving around seems to help settle the Ayahuasca trip to some degree. I sat back down and after trying to listen to music with my headphones (and finding that it was in fact too intense) I sat and watched TV and tried to make help myself come down from the trip. The word 'overwhelming' would do no justice in describing all of the thoughts that now dictated my entire being.
I started to catch myself entering thought-holes that I knew would lead me towards a negative trip. I started to question why anyone would ever want to do this and I started to think that I should no longer experiment with psychedelics. I also started to realize that every drug seems to lead to this same same void/headspace but that most do not take one very far and many include false senses of euphoria. Ayahuasca was taking me very far on this path to the void, though. As far as I could ever need to go. My thoughts were a very delicate balancing act between hopeful euphoria and the most dreadful dysphoria that I have ever felt. I think that Ayahuasca does not make one feel a particular way (such as good or bad) rather it takes away the meaning for such words and it leaves one struggling to decide on what it is that is being felt under it's influence. This (as anyone could imagine) can be more confusing than anything that reality could possibly present for you to deal with.
As I sat there on my couch tripping in this nihilistic wormhole of information and thought in the translated form of energy, the television was still on and occasionally grabbed my attention. Some History Channel show about Ancient Cultures was on and I would see outlines of different things from the show in my carpet. At one point my carpet had a vague outline of a statue of Jesus overlaying it.
The trip continued in the form of pure utterly overwhelming thought for several more hours. At 3:00am (3 hours after consuming the Ayahuasca) I began to listen to music on my computer. The trip never seemed to reach a second peak but rather it kept at a steady intensity level for the entire duration. After listening to the Doors I walked into the bathroom to see myself sort of transform into Jim Morrison in the mirror.
Realizations continued on and I began to think of the trip as a lion hunt. The only question was: Who is the lion? Myself or the universe? Soon the indecisiveness of whether I was feeling euphoric or dysphoric seemed to reach a boiling point. I realized that the universe had been looking for me and I had been looking for the universe for all of eternity. Finally we had found each other and in realizing this I was engulfed with euphoria that I have never felt in my life. To call it euphoria wouldn't be adequate. It was a new emotion and something that I had never felt before in all of my conscious existence.
At around 4am (4 hours after ingestion) Ayahuasca had let me out of its grips and released me back to reality again. It was another amazing experience. If my last experience with Ayahuasca was the death of my ego, then this experience was the end of the lion hunt for meaning and self-assurance that we call ordinary life. Ayahuasca has taught me things that I couldn't have even have begun to imagine without it as my teacher.
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