Citation: DarknessRomance. "Seeing the Fractal Dimensions: experience with Salvia (ID 34073)". Erowid.org. Feb 3, 2007. erowid.org/exp/34073
How does one describe a full Salvia experience? I sent in my last one, which involved touring blankspace and talking with an entity called the Gatekeeper. I was looking forward to another one like that when I sat down alone in my house with my 5x extract. I was sitting in a bed and I was planning on exploring more of these inner realms. I took possibly the longest and biggest bong hit I have ever taken (I loaded the bowl with about 3 bowls worth) and sat back and held my breath.
Before I even knew that I was there I was gone...
When I take a bong hit of weed, I almost always hold it in until I can feel the effects, then nod and let it out while the experience takes over. I move with it and let it take me over on my terms. When I took this hit of salvia it was nothing like that. I felt that pulse that signals the beginning of the experience and as I began to prepare myself, a train hit me. The only way I can describe the next 3 seconds is an image of a cartoon character when something drops out from under him. He first looks down while standing in one place, the realization dawning of just how much trouble he is in. After that he dissapears and all you can hear is a lingering scream hanging in the air.
I couldn't remember a second ago, it was a world away.
From this point on everything is a little confused. I think that there might be about 5 minutes I just plain don't remember. During describing it I use the terms I, me, and myself but there was no concept of that. There was no slow rise to the peak. As I stared at the bong lying on the floor, not even realizing I had dropped it, my sense of reality simply dissapeared. The original plan was to lean back and close my eyes and enjoy a relaxed inner trip but I realize now that you need to do that immediately after you finish the hit. I was planning on doing it after I breathed out but by then I was too gone to even understand the concept of doing something.
Even though my eyes were open, I had no perception of what I was looking at...
I can't really fully describe my trip for the next 5 minutes that I remember, but the best summary I can give is like this: As I would do anything or think anything I would see and feel millions of versions of me doing it. Like one of those repeating pictures or fractals where lots of little versions of a picture outline a big version of the same picture. All of these realities (I hate to use an overabused word but now I realize why it's so overused) somehow outlined a big picture which was the same one. No matter where I moved or went these realities chased me. I was trying to basically stop for a second and think but whenever I got a thought together I'd see those infinite groups of me thinking it also and it watching them would drown out the thought. As I'd move the outline would somehow change. I saw all of the realities somehow outline an 'E', then a piece of lego, and finally another full reality. I ran all over and eventually realized that the only thing I could do was lie on the floor. All the realities somehow resolved into a four dimensional hyper-sphere and I felt something watching me in the background.
I lay on the floor and gave in to the experience...
I simply lay like that and continued tripping these realities for a couple of minutes. Since I had no sense of time I can't tell you how long this was but it felt like forever. I looked at the clock at one point and decided it had stopped. This doesn't sound like much but it was completely overwhelming, mostly because of the dissolved consciousness accompanying it. I felt like a group, or an unemotional computer-like observer, watching the details of my own life. Once again there was no 'I', or 'me', but thats the only way I can describe it. At one point in the experience I guess I closed my eyes because suddenly I saw blankspace again. The gatekeeper was sitting in her chair looking satisfied as if she had accomplished something. As she looked down at me I realzied she was the one who sent me on this entire ride. That picture dissolved then and I returned to my trip.
Omniescience in human form, my consciousness swelled to include everything...
I was phasing in and out of them too fast to feel, one second I'd percieve the real world and understand what was happpening and who I was, and the next I'd be back in those realities looking clinically at this person. It felt like actually a bouncing ball. At one point I actually broke through to a new point where not only did my sense of self return but it expanded and I realized that I was the only person in the universe who was real. I decided that I was going to be stuck in this reality loop forever. I remembered taking the salvia and I knew that this was just a drug, but I decided that my taking the salvia ended reality. These fractal realities were simply the universe contracting on itself as it ended.
Slowly now my conscioussness reasserted itself...
Now the changes slowed down. I'd still have the moments of staring at the fractal realities, but I had long periods where I could think and figure out what was happening. I still couldn't percieve what 'me' was, but I was acting on automatic and recovering slowly. I managed to get to the shower and after some unsuccessful tries I got in and started showering. What would happen now is I would get stuck in feedback loops of thought or action. I would wash my arm and then lose myself in the action and be stuck there for a minute doing it over and over again. This also slowed down and by the end of the shower I was almost completely normal again. I stumbled around feeling like my head was huge. I then returned to complete normality and I sat down at my computer to think about what had happened.
I swore I wouldn't do Salvia again without first preparing myself for it....
Now basking in the afterglow of a good experience, I compared this to my last one. I had numerous question's I wanted answered. Why was last time such a coherent 'trip' and this one such an insane jumble? Why did I retain my sense of self last time? (I clearly did, because while tripping I had multiple conversations with a specific entity called Gatekeeper) and finally, which was more intense?
I couldn't decide....
I finally decided that there were two basic differences between the two trips. Both were extremely high doses, but in the first one I took multiple seperate hits. Each one had a leaf and a puff of 10x extract, and there were 3 at the beginning and one near the end of the trip. Here was just one bowl, but bigger then those 3 bowls combined. The other basic difference was the setting. Trip #1 was me lying on a couch with my eyes closed, trip #2 had my eyes open. Next trip I'm going to close my eyes right after the hit and hopefully I'll have a chance to discuss these fractal realities with Gatekeeper, maybe I'll get to actually talk to the Lady this time.
A second ago seems a world away
Where before I was here now there is none
As I watch myself gone
Reality's over this is here to stay
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