I don't want to go into personal details but I was feeling very used and not recieving any recognition for my valiant efforts and achievements. To sum it up, I was being neglected. So, I ended up sitting in my car listening to some music. I was in a bad mood so I decided to take some Valium to calm me down. I searched my car for some water or a drink to swallow the pills, but I found nothing. Not wanting to go inside the house where the 'neglecters' were at, I remembered reading a report where the guy had placed the pills under his tounge untill they were in a paste form and then swallowed with barely tasting it. I put both under my tounge and waited for them to break down. About 5 minutes later, they are in the paste form and I swallow them down. I had a little snack before hand but otherwise a pretty empty stomach, so they kicked in fairly quick.
Another 5 minutes later I start regretting ever coming to this house, ever giving my best efforts for people who wouldnt recognize my talent. I begin to realize how weak my relationships with my 'friends' were. I realize that they were not my friends at all, just people I can have a casual conversation with, no deep ties. After all of this sinks in, I begin to cry. I see my the overview of my life and realize what a failure I am and how everything is fucked up, that I'm just another kid who is making bad choices that will ruin his life forever.
By now I am balling, hitting the steering wheel out of frustration every now and then. But then I realize it's the valium making me act this way, making me depressed. I guess it was because it was the first time I had ever taken 20mg as oppose to just 10. I use some breathing techniques to calm myself that I learned in Martial Arts. Things begin to settle down. I'm still in the mindset that I have no real friends and have a pointless life, but I'm beggining to accept it. After it starts to wear down I realize everything I had thought of was bullcrap and my life wasn't that bad at all.
I had previous trips with valium and they were all nice, the usual 10mg dose, but they were different. I went into the trip excited, wanting to relax and have a good time. Indeed I did.
