Citation: Luke. "At One With Balance: experience with 4-Acetoxy-DET & Cannabis (ID 30678)". Erowid.org. Dec 28, 2004. erowid.org/exp/30678
I cannot say that I was in an entirely positive mindset whenever I entered into this experience. My mind was settled and clear, however I felt a negative energy from the people I was with, which put a pretty good dent in the experience overall. That is not to say the experience was bad in any way, this contributed to learning more from it. I fasted 10 hours before this trip. My companion and I both swallowed capsules containing 25 mg. of 4-AcO-DET. What went on in my mind (I believe) was a lot more than what went on in my companion’s mind. This trip was very intense, and in a matter of ten to twenty minutes I reached a +3.
I would like to say that in general, with psychedelics, the degree of visuals that I usually see seem to be much more than what other people see. The visuals began with curving silhouettes moving around everything. My visual field was broken up into ‘categories’ of geometric shapes which formed patterns, and in each category I could see either a small dot or a version of my eye or even my entire face actually looking back at me. My companion didn’t see any faces or eyes, but he could see the dots inside of the patterns.
Whenever I looked at a certain unit, the eye in that unit would look back at me, and eventually that unit would get bigger and then the power would intensify. Once it intensified, a person (a unit part of myself, I believe) would come running out at me from that category. No, that is not right… it would lunge out at me attacking me. Very threatening. A logical way I tried to make sense of this effect is that whenever a unit looked back at me long enough, other information wasn’t being received to some parts of my brain, therefore the urgent effects. It could be the other way around also, perhaps too much information from that category was being received and that is why I perceived a horrific version of me lunging out at myself.
I experienced being part of a learning process that I am nothing to but a carrier of information. I am just a needle in a haystack, a shit on the dirt. The only thing that matters is the advancement of the overall process, and the only way any advancement is possible is by perceiving information in as many ways as possible. And this is the only thing that I, or anything living contributes to Everything-which is a learning process like evolution.
From seeing things this way, I realized everything and everyone in my life that I thought of-I could see a perfect balance between. It all seemed and is very insignificant overall, yet very significant to me because of my fear of death (which is part of keeping balance). Lots of things have ended and are ending (my life-long relationship with my tripping companion here that has no more advancement) and will end in my life which is a horrible truth. Seeing this magnified, right before my eyes (and all of the eyes I perceived) is terrifying, and this lead to basic thoughts about what I want in life and what I will do to get what I want.
That was what the peak was like, which lasted around two hours. When we were still tripping pretty good, my one companion and I, along with his friend who wasn’t tripping, took a drive to get some more pot to smoke. [Erowid Note: It is extremely dangerous and irresponsible to drive while under the influence of a psychoactive substance. Don't do it!]
When we were in a car I could feel the energy being used from the car. It was strong, and then going up a hill, for example, I could ‘feel’ it get weaker. Another example I’ve noticed is that each time that I went to the bathroom after we got back from the trek, it got brighter and brighter by the moment as the tiles on the floor were creeping up towards me as I looked down while urinating, and my companions stated that it got extremely dark outside of the bathroom! I believe that this was some exchange of energy that happened.
The brain seemed to be running on overdrive through the entire trip, like all of my thoughts were on a wheel, spinning and turning out of control. Very similar to the thought cycles experienced on LSD. I really appreciated my brain getting this fucked up! The thoughts came and went so fast that it was difficult to speak any of them! Previous thoughts were quickly replaced with new ones. At one point during the peak, I perceived thoughts come and go to such a degree that I could see time itself as a single unit that died, and was replaced with another unit. The spinning thought cycles continued well through the afterglow, and even into the next day, but to a much lesser degree. That is to say, I felt more energized after sleep instead of burnt-out.
At three hours in, my companion and I took another 15 mg. orally. I suggested snorting, but my companion disagreed, so we both swallowed another capsule. This mostly prolonged the effects with only very slight intensity in the first hour (snorting would no doubt have affected us more). Two hours after the second capsule, we both swallowed another 8 mg., which only prolonged the effects slightly more. In all, I tripped for 14 hours. I was awake for 30 hours total since this was an all-nighter journey.
I began to see that the Overall process of Nature that we all eventually meet when we end. The end (Death) is in everybody, present at the edges of the mind perhaps. In the afterglow, we went to a restaurant to eat and I could see things about people that I felt I knew. For example someone at the restaurant had a growth of something out of the side of his face, and my companion made an inappropriate joke about it to me, but it was impossible to not laugh. The man at the other table noticed us laughing, and it seemed obvious that the man knew why we were laughing. I felt embarrassed about it, but I learned that this was a part of the man’s brutal Natural balance. Which is a couple of rotten kids (us), laughing at him for his ugly face. He has probably been laughed at for it all of his life, and has hated such a growth. Our Natural balance might be just as brutal in some way, but through learning awareness, I will try to progress enough to improve my balance, which I believe is the only way to a better life.
There are always infinitely complex opposites at work and a horrible Nothing eventually catches up with Something, which is what makes up Everything. By this, I mean that living things end. I have not yet experienced Death catch up with me entirely yet, therefore I do not ‘personally’ know if there is actually an end to everything I know. I began to think that energy goes into the Sun for some reason. But how can you really deny that death won’t happen to you just because you haven’t experienced it yet? That is like saying ice cream isn’t real because you never tasted it, but you’ve seen other people eating it. I will not say, however, that I will ever give up on trying to live.
In conclusion, this substance has a very positive nature to it, and this was an ego threatening experience in the beginning. It has helped me feel very emotional. While communicating, emotion is carried across to the other person with honest bodily movements accompanied with deep meaning. Time can and is perceived very differently. Fascinating visuals. The trip altogether is fantastic! I can see the effects comparable to both shrooms and LSD. I was left feeling at one with everything. This is very a very mind expanding and a very rewarding chemical.
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