Citation: Mind Head. "The Realization: experience with Mushrooms (ID 2585)". Erowid.org. Nov 6, 2001. erowid.org/exp/2585
A letter to a friend...
The night that me and you shroomed, when we first got that ounce, I had a feeling that left me unsettled. It felt as though something was building up. I was curious about it, but I still fell subject to the hallucinations that every shroomer receives. My curiosity caused me to shroom again the next night, in order to find out what was going on. This time, as I sat alone in my room, my mind opened up to me a little. I began to think more with my mind than with my brain (metaphorically). I began to look critically at myself, and question how I fit into the system of life. I thought I was onto something but didn't know what. The shrooming continued. The morning we drove home for the holidays, I had taken a couple grams. I didn't dwell any deeper into my mind on this trip, it was a waste.
The second night in Windsor I shroomed with Kristin and Mei. I ate about 3 grams. It began as a normal mushroom trip would, but soon I left Mei's house, because I was agitated, and went to Fect's brother's house with Nate and Pierre. That's where it hit me, hard. I stared at the corner of the wall in his kitchen. I was deeply into thought when I started getting two distinct sets of thoughts. One, I could tell was the thought process of my brain. It thought about 'important' things in life. The way you might think when you're stoned. It could go into depth about any life issue. The other set of thoughts were similar to the thoughts I received the time me and you shroomed. I considered these the thoughts of my mind. The weird part is that these thoughts weren't mine. I put no effort into these thoughts. As if I wasn't thinking, it was just happening.
I decided to dwell on these thoughts. The two sets of thoughts were so distinct that they started 'arguing' with each other. They argued about which was the proper way to really live. The whole time I struggled, to the point where I thought I couldn't take it any more and that I was going to go crazy. Meanwhile, I kept staring at the wall and smoking joints like nothing was happening. However, crazy shit was happening. As the battle for my conscience continued to build, I decided that I'd go crazy if one of these 'voices' didn't leave.
That's when my mind took over. Without putting effort into thought, my mind explained that the reason my brain is stuck on the dealings of life is because I know nothing of anything else. I've lived my whole life trying to better adapt myself to life, the way every person does. Instead I should have spent that time bettering myself, period! The voice was like the voice of Goodness. Every time I questioned it, it replied with the perfect answer, the right answer. I don't know how long this event took place but it felt like hours. The mind explained to me that the path to Goodness is through the mind, not the brain. The brain is only capable of dealing with life functions. The mind is so powerful, that it can communicate with other minds in a realm that is undefinable by man.
That's when it got nuts. I left my body. I became all mind and I could even look through my mind and see my body, sitting there, staring at the wall. I don't know what it was, but it was amazing. Everything was suddenly so clear. The mind continued to explain things. It told me that every person is capable of thinking with their mind. They are mostly held back by the strive for betterment in life, and by the exponential rate at which life has grown away from Goodness. It explained that fundamentally every person is the same. All are capable of the same thoughts. It is through experiences that each person is molded into what they are now. Then it questioned me. The very question that I now ask so many people. It said, 'Would experience be valued, as highly as it is, if mankind had chosen the wrong path in the beginning of its existence?' Instead of constant appreciation for the Goodness that created all, man became instantly obsessed with personal betterment in life. Then the self-righteous disease spread like a wild fire. Now it's so well practised that most people don't even believe in the original Goodness.
I continued to learn from the mind. It stressed to me that no one can achieve the realization from another man. It comes from complete understanding. I saw that this was true because I didn't grasp anything the mind said, until I worked it out and it made sense. Complete sense. The lesson continued. I questioned about the use of drugs, I wondered if all of this was just a part of the mushroom trip. It replied that natural psychedelics (peyote, shrooms, etc.) are a gift, they were given to us in order to achieve a connection to Goodness through the mind. It explained that marijuana isn't a connection to the mind, it's a method of dwelling into life.
At first this sounded as though weed was a regression from the mind. I reasoned that the peaceful state of the high is a good way to relieve life's stresses. This, I figured, couldn't possibly be bad. The mind then explained that the true vehicle to the mind is in psychedelics. The hallucinations that accompany the trips are just obstacles to challenge you into examining your mind. Remember, you can't learn the realization, so it won't be simply given to you through a drug. You must completely understand the realization.
The clearest impression that remained in my mind that night, was when I was told that I'd never go back. It kept telling me that this voice was here to stay. I still didn't know whether or not it would change me for sure, but I can tell you now, that it never left me. It consumed me that night and I'll never think the same again.
Now I am at peace, at peace with everything. Right after the realization trip I focused hard on eliminating all the stresses and uselessness that governs my current life. I began to rid myself of all inhibitions. I no longer looked at people and tried to get into their heads to see what they were thinking. Now I looked at people and thought about how they were going about things completely wrong, as if they were blind. However, this turned out to be a short selfish phase, but the realization was growing and wouldn't allow me to continue that way. At present, I realize that I have the chance to change things. I feel confident that I can make a huge difference. I still focus on myself to the degree that I'd prefer to leave what I have here. I don't think I can make a difference if I continue to live the conventional life. I want to show the world the freedom of the mind, and I will! You can't imagine the pride I now have in you, after that email. I feel like Goodness has crowned you a general in his army. As long as you continue to understand and allow your mind to grow, the realization will always have a warrior penetrating the system of life.
To succeed you have to practice what you preach, you have to loose all of your inhibitions and begin thinking with your mind. Your mind holds the answers to everything in life and beyond. Be peaceful and teach peacefulness. The realization movement will begin with us. It grows stronger everyday and will unite every man and women.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid.