I got some Diet pills in the states that contained Ephedrine awhile back. I had taken them every once in awhile to get me going and have had no problem. I have also have had nothing really bad with drinking. The odd puking but nothing serious.
Anyways I guess I have been pretty stressed in the weeks before my experience which might of had an impact. I got to my friends house where everyone was going to be drinking. I was working the next day and was extremely tired. I originally decided not to drink but started to feel semi depressed and felt I was being a downer for everyone. So out of nowhere I decide to have fun. So I down 2 of my diet pills with some 43% dry gin. From then on I keep the drinks coming.
At this point I would say I was having a good time at this point. I was really hyper and really drunk. I ran outside for no reason and did dumb stuff. When I come back I drink some more. Now I start to calm down but I'm never tired. In the basement my best friend was with his girlfriend and my other friend was with this girl and a girl I was interested in. She was totally ignoring me. At this point I became extremely depressed. The most depressed I have ever been.
I go upstairs and write fucked up shit in a journal. Then I proceed to start lightly cutting myself on the arm with a knife. I felt so bad. Then I go back downstairs to try to cheer up. There no one talks to me or even acknowledges my presence. In my head I was SURE they hated me. That they were all against me somehow. Now start to really freak. In my head its an avanlanche of bad thoughts and depressing things. Then I decide to down another drink pick up my things and go. I was supposed to sleep over but left without telling anybody. On the way home I started sobbing and sat in the middle of the road. Then I got up and started try to walk home.
I think I started blacking out. I have many jumps of memory and conciousness. I went down many wrong roads and eventually got home. Inside I barely remember anything but I remember listening to music and wanting to kill myself. Then the next I remember is being on the bathroom floor in the dark. There I try to sleep cause I was working the next morning. However I think the ephedrine is still working and I have insomnia and I was sweating I think. I think I finally got like 45 minutes of sleep but my mom woke me up. When I woke got up I noticed that my hand was covered in blood. My knuckles were all ripped. I have no idea how they got there. As for my arm I didnt draw blood with the knife(it was bluntish) but I did have marks.
Anyways I just want to say this was the worst experience of my life. I felt so depressed and cried. I hurt myself and scared my friends. I really tripped out. I never want this to happen again. I'm not sure if it was the ephedrine or the alcohol but all I know is that I am never mixing the 2 again. I will also try to drink in better mental states as well. I wouldn't wish these feelings and experiences on my worst ennemy.
