I came online tonight searching for answers to my questions about the myriad of drugs I am currently taking, and thought my experience so far with these drugs could prove useful to someone in my position in the future. I have had been passing kidney stones for the past week - the most painful experience of my life - and in between my many trips to the ER, I have been given oxycodone, toradol and dilaudid to control the pain.
I am extremely afraid of developing an addiction to these drugs, as I have an 'addictive personality' and have had drug habit problems in the past. It's been a difficult situation because the onset of kidney pain sends me into such a fright that I pop the maximum amount of pills that I am supposed to take at once. I am afraid that slight pain I begin to feel will worsen until I am in the state I was in the first day I had the stones - a pain that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. The pain had me reduced to a blabbering, crying mess. When I got to the ER that day I had no control over my words and actions, and I was screaming and moaning for painkillers. When I finally got my shot of toradol and dilaudid I was in heaven...and I tried so hard to convince myself it was just from the pain relief, not from the drugs themselves.
I finally left the hospital that day and continued to have bouts of pain that would sometimes be relieved by the prescriptions, and sometimes not. By the fourth day, I noticed the meds were having no effect whatsoever. It scared me that I already was having such a tolerance to the meds, especially because of how strong I was told dilaudid was. Was it the strength of pain or my tolerance to the meds? I don't really know. I just got home from my third visit to the hospital in the past week, except I had to stay overnight with a morphine drip to control the pain. I was later switched to oral medication - oxycodone - and I was able to handle the pain that way so I got sent home with 30 more pills.
There is no real point to my story except that I question my actions...at the slightest possibility of my beginning to feel twinges of back/abdomen pain associated with kidney stones, I take the oxycodone, toradol, and/or dilaudid. I really don't know if it's more because I am afraid of having pain like I did, or because I am developing an addiction to these pain killers. I must admit that the pain killers make it so much easier to sleep, and as soon as I feel the 'coming down' effects like increased sensitivity (crying at the drop of a hat) and increased annoyedness (especially at loud noise), I feel compelled to take the drugs. At the same time, however, these drugs do not provide all bliss to me either; I experience intense itchiness, mild nausea, and an overwhelming grogginess that brings about a depressed mental state. I personally feel much better having written this, because I think I am being a lot more honest with myself, and have realized that I have caught myself giving in to an addiction. I fully intend upon discussing this matter with my doctor, in the hopes that I can find an alternate way of dealing with my pain.
