I guess I'm writing this to get a lot of it of my chest. I don't really expect any of you to read this and be scared shitless to come close to this wonderfully overpowering drug. Because I know I must have read a thousand drama stories like this one and I never stopped. But I at least hope that you get through this letter. For what reason I don't know.
I think my first drug was probably weed. That was when I was about 15-16 years old. My boyfriend smoked, so I did. I was always this little goodie, goodie. Never smoked, did drugs, teachers pet. Then I broke loose from the secured world and I guess I headed for the real world. I did pot mushrooms, tried speed once. No big deal. I moved out on my own, A little town in Idaho. I worked at a ski resort and stayed in dorms. Dating guys upon guys, I found one who liked late nights and no boundaries. Chris was a nice guy with one fault, he loved cocaine. I then never tried it. We went to a party and nicely enough there was the talk about this drug I knew nothing about. Chris set up a buy and it was delivered. He got a gram and called my into the bathroom after him. I followed, I must admit I was exited to try it. He lined up a line for him. Then gave my mine. I snorted it and felt that horrible burn in my nostril. I hate it, but the effects were very rewarding. I wanted more and more and more. The night finally ended and we somehow fell asleep. It took forever but I was ready.
The next week, Me and Chris got more but this time I threw in 25$ for my quarter. We met in his dorm along with another one of him friends. I started to crack out my lines when Chris crackes out a syringe. If that didn't scare my, I don't know what would. He asked me if I had ever slammed coke and I said no. He told my to get the spoon out of the little box under the bed. I did. He grabbed my quarter and dumped some on the spoon, mixed with a little bit of water, and dropped a peace of cotton in the mixture. Placing the needle tip on the cotton, he drew the thick mixture and told me to tie my arm of. I was scared to death, but if I could get the feeling I did last time, I was willing. I tied my arm of while Chris looked for a nice vein, found one and stuck the needle in, registered and slowly pumped it into my blood stream. I felt so hot, so sick, like I was gonna puke. My heart was beating so fast, I thought I was gonna pass out. I laid down on the bed as this awesome, so intense feeling came over my. I loved it! I had to have more. Coke never lasted that long to me, Thats why I did It all the time. After that I was on my own. I could never hit myself so I always had my friends. I would get payed 300 or more dollars a week and spent every penny I had on coke. I would be gone i'm a night. I never shared, only to get someone to hit me. I lost my job because a customer saw the bruised and scars on my arms and neck and told my boss that didn't believe they were insect bites. So with that I lost my job and dorm room, I was homeless.
I had a friend whom lived in a condo with 5 other people. They let me move in. This was THE crack house! Everyone was hi or spracked out of there mind. So I fit in great. A lot of the drug dealers would come over to do there drugs and give out freebies. That when I started doing foily's and smoked out of glass. That was good but not as good as slamming. I went on major binges. My longest one was 3 weeks. No sleep, no food, only alcohol to drink. I developed a infection in my throat from smoking the coke and was rushed to the hospital because It was swelled to were I couldn't breath. As soon as they took my arm to take my blood pressure she saw my arm and needless to say, I didn't get much help. They gave my pills and sent me home. That didn't stop my from smoken, snorten or shooten the coke. I slept with anyone who had it. Even went as far as sleeping with a couple women for a line. I developed cotton fever. If any one does not know what that is, It is when a peace of the cotton gets inside the needle and you end up sending it into your vein. It causes a bacterial infection in your blood stream that can kill you. I recovered in the hospital tripping so bad, I though the nurses were there to kill me and I kept seeing things before my eyes. Like people walking on the ceiling and stuff so horrid, a nightmare was not compared to.
It took days until all the coke was out of my body and I started feeling normal again. Whatever that was. I got out and sobered up. I haven't touched coke since. I haunts me like demons. I cry at night thinking of all the people I slept with and how I almost killed myself. I crave coke not the way a normal addict would, but I crave it as a way to loose myself for good. I know deep down, that if I ever did do even a line, I probably wouldn't be able to stop this time and make it out alive.
