| DOSE: T+ 0:00 |
1 tablet |
oral |
MDMA
|
(pill / tablet) |
| T+ 8:00 |
2 hits |
smoked |
Cannabis
|
(flowers) |
Drug background: I first took LSD in early '92, frequently for about 3/4 of a year. Mushrooms, a similar timeframe (just a few mos. later). [I had to stop psychedelics for the sake of my mental health and life in banal reality] Marijuana occasionally, before acid, and a after mushrooms. MDMA mid '93 - '00. Other drugs as well, but none that relate to this particular account.
My boyfriend Adam, a heavy pot smoker himself, had somehow convinced me to give it another try. I had pretty well avoided the stuff for the past 4 yrs. as it only made me feel like a pile of shit, or served to intensify trips (which I had also been avoiding).
The setting was his mother's house while she was away, one particularly beautiful summer's day in '98. We were enjoying a gentle come-down from the previous nights E and were feeling quite positive. We sat out on the newly constructed mini-deck/porch. I took my 1st inhale, and remarked that I felt absolutely nothing. I soon took a 2nd lung full.
I stated, 'It's happening.'
Exactly what I had hoped I would NOT experience. The terrifying, emotional/cerebral Hell. It shocked my brain. I felt the all-too-familiar intense panic. The same exact feeling I had last summer, at the beginning of an insane and damaging trip. I hadn't known for sure what had caused that episode, now it was confirmed, MDMA + THC! I had previously warned Adam about my peculiar, possible reaction, that's why I'd said IT'S HAPPENING...
Reality was fracturing. To describe it ocularly, initially, it's like a transparent fractal mildly vortexing with staggered motion (like a camera aperture). The initial feeling is that I am suddenly aware that I have just been 'gone'. I am unaware of slipping away or being gone, only upon resurfacing does it hit me. This increases in frequency and intensity, until there is no more surface time.
I had made my way to his mom's king size bed, the best / most comfortable place to wait out / fight my impending ordeal.
Speech grows labored. I feel sooo far away. Away from 'reality'.
Nothing could comfort/distract/keep me, not even Adam's attempt by mentioning my dearly loved kitten.
I feel the thousand+ veils of the thousand+ levels of reality/consciousness.
Soon, my brain is melting. It feels like what I imagine 100 hits of acid would do, maybe more. ime - why does it have to move so painfully slowly? A few minutes feel like an hour! I am now having to exert everything I can muster to prevent my mind from slipping away...permanently. It feels like physical labor (I may have been clinging to the bed sheets). For a second, I lessen my tenacity, my mind slips dangerously away. No! It would be devastating! I worry that I won't 'come back'. And expect that fate now. I will have to be institutionalized. My empty shell will sit there for the rest of its days, drooling, and having its butt wiped for it - a vegetable. Adam is on the phone in another room - with the sanitarium? Oh, how this will kill my mother. My small, broken family will be shamed. They'll never understand.
This experience is proof. Proof of other space-time dimensions. OK, enough! I believe already! I had been convinced by my previous psychedelic travels with LSD / mushrooms. They are 'keys'. So is (percussive) music.
Although I find it difficult to discern if I do, in fact, need to go (I eventually just figure I should give it a try), surprisingly, I'm able to make it to the washroom. I urinate frequently and in significant amounts. How is this possible? I haven't had a drink in many hours. What is the correlation?
After many (8?) hours of this mental meltdown, I finally felt some relief. But feel psychologically/emotionally worse for wear, for some time afterwards. Adam never understood what happened to me.
My next such episode wouldn't be 'til NewYear's 2000...
