Citation: johnicide. "More Potential Than You Think: experience with Cannabis (ID 15164)". Erowid.org. May 2, 2005. erowid.org/exp/15164
I had rented out a lakeside cabin with 16 friends for the weekend. Typical college-age kids getting drunk and crazy type stuff. I was just emerging from a period of moderate level depression. I wasnít taking medication, and my therapist had told me I longer needed to go to therapy sessions.
Now, I donít know if itís my brain chemistry or whatnot, but I find myself to be much more susceptible to the effects of cannabis than the next guy. Iím constantly having people tell me theyíve never seen somebody act as fucked up from weed as me, and every time, it seems more intense. I will say that I believe myself to be considerably more creative than the average person. I wouldnít say I was anti-social, but I tended to keep to myself when I didnít need to.
Whatever the case, on the final night, prior to sundown, Scott and I snuck off behind the cabin and smoked what was left of last nightís bowl, which was about half, and to quote Scott, was ďthe bomb ass shit.Ē I took two or three drags and I was feeling pretty good. Scott then said itíd be cool if we rolled another joint and sat on the pier since the sun was going down, which we did about 20 minutes later. Immediately after doing this, Sara and Chris found out and asked if they could get in on the action as well, so it was back up to the cabin to pack another bowl, and then back to the pier to smoke it. I was pretty out of it at this point. I remember feeling lost in the woods as we trekked back to the pier, even though itís only a 5 minute walk. I joined in on this new bowl, knowing that I really didnít need anymore, but this that weekend was about getting away from it all, and boy did I do just that. Total, I smoked about a one gaping bowl to myself that night.
First thing I did was lay on my back and look at the stars. I was immediately hit with the most intense feeling of dťjŗ vu Iíve ever had. Even now, I am certain that the patterns of the stars and the words my friends were speaking were something I had dreamt about several months prior. I tried to leave my body unsuccessfully. My friends were worried that I was having a panic attack because I was shaking as I attempted to astral project, but I assured them I was okay.
Because Scott and Chris were drunk to boot, we figured it best to get the hell off of that pier. I remember walking through the woods back to the cabin and seeing a faint chain-link fence between us and the trees, and having to ask my friends if there was a fence, even though I knew there really wasnít. My first ďtrueĒ hallucination off of weed! I was pretty excited. By now my head was being bombarded with a constant flux of images and accompanying sounds. I believe these were images I used to picture when I was very young laying in bed, that I had long forgotten, I canít say why I think this way, but some other part of me was telling me that, and it came across as very convincing.
I could hear a dog bark reverberating through the woods. This time I was certain I had dreamt this encounter when I was about 6 or 7 years old. It was exciting: Us in the woods, and this angry dog, our adversary, was trying to keep us from getting back to the cabin. We eventually happened upon the dog. I immediately realized that the dog was lost, and was barking because he was scared, not angry. I felt so bad for the dog I began to cry, and Iím not the type to normally cry.
Back at the cabin, Chris and I sat in one of the cars and listened to this ambient mix cd Iíd made for such a purpose. Sitting there, listening to the relaxing music, I felt so many different feelings, many of which are lost now. I do remember knowing what if must feel like to die and go to Heaven, if such a place truly exists. I remember that path to Heaven felt so amazing, I was convinced that no living person could ever truly know what Heaven itself feels like. Perhaps Heaven is just the end of physical life, when one re-joins his greater consciousness? I could clearly see the universe as being the offshoot, or even child, of another, larger universe. I felt like I was almost above being confined by time, constantly traveling to different points in my life, yet still watching the present. I could feel the music moving through my body. Not the physical sound waves, but the actual melodies themselves. It was an amazingly spiritual feeling; very impressive considering Iím a borderline atheist. For the first time, I truly felt like I could climb inside other peopleís minds. I saw the world through some of my friends eyes, and saw how they interpreted the world differently that I.
Ever since then Iíve been much more accepting of other peopleís beliefs, ideas, and arguments, because I know their minds all work differently, and nobody is ever going to act just like me. The most amazing thing was seeing that my entire physical life, from birth to death, was just the tip of the iceberg of my existence. Iím pretty convinced now that who we are extends well beyond these human shells we inhabit.
I confided in Chris how attracted I had found myself to Evanís girlfriend since the last two days. Earlier in the day, the two of us had gone for a walk, and now the whole episode as being even more amazing that when I was sober. I knew it was wrong for me to lust after her like that, but I knew Iíd make a better boyfriend for her, and I was certain she felt the same way, but it killed me because I couldnít say anything to her, given the circumstances. It was no longer even about me, I just wanted her to a have a better relationship.
I felt so much more open, I talked to several of my friends that night, telling them how appreciative I was of their friendships. I realized I donít call my friends enough, and that the only thing keeping me from being more social was me. I now saw depression as truly being all in my head. And I truly had the power to change the way I think.
When it came time for bed, I was in no condition to sleep. Those images and sounds I mentioned early were still coming fast and furiously. On top of that I was now dealing with probably the most intense sexual feelings Iíve ever had. It wasnít lustful though. I didnít want to fuck, I truly wished to make love, for the sexual union of two souls. Being that I had no female companion for the trip, I snuck off to the bathroom to take matters into my own hands, so to speak. I easily had the best solo orgasm I could remember. Somehow I finally drifted to sleep around 3:30
I was the first person up the next morning, at about 7:30 am, feeling incredibly well rested. I was still a bit high, and I decided to head off to the pier again as I slowly grappled my way back into soberbia. I was good after about 45 minutes on the pier. I had enjoyed my trip and taken much from it, but I came to realize that the me whom is clear headed and sober is whom I truly am. I felt like I was being welcomed home with open arms after a long journey, it was wonderful. I sat there, overlooking the lake and smiling. Sometimes you donít realize how good something is until itís gone, I had missed being myself immensely by then end of the night. I had never felt so much love for myself as I did at that moment. And it wasnít drugs making me happy, it was this new, absence of drugs!
Upon hearing this story, some people tell me the weed was laced, but everyone else who smoked it that night can attest that this is not how it was. I would recommend to those whoíve never smoked the herb before that itís not always a party drug, for some people itís a very spiritual experience, and a party atmosphere will only dampen, and possibly ruin a potential trip. Try it for the first time someplace quiet, not in public, and with good people.
Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
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