Citation: Barium. "Living the Matrix: experience with 2C-E (ID 11404)". Erowid.org. Jan 5, 2002. erowid.org/exp/11404
Through bizarre luck, I laid my hands on some 2C-E. After having read the comments in PiHKAL, and the reports on Erowid on 2C-E, I decided to start low: 12 mg. Since I didn't expect much from 2C-E at that dosage, I decided to go clubbing. Earlier experiments with other compounds (2C-T-2, 2C-T-7) had shown that low dosages of these compounds were safe to use in such an environment. I also knew that this place wouldn't be the most perfect environment, in the sense of getting the most results out of a compound, but you do get an impression of what you can expect at higher dosages.
1:10 am: take 12 mg 2C-E in a gelcap at home. Since this is a `new' compound, I'm a bit anxious about what to expect.
2:00 am: Slight pupil dilation, and very slight stomach discomfort. Think it's about time to leave to the club. When leaving, I notice that there are very small `holes' in my memory: If I don't consciously remember things, there are little pieces of `time' (about 1 sec) gone.
3.00am: Noticeable color intensification. This is definitely a daytime-compound. The texture of the chair I'm looking at suddenly changes into flowing marmer. Beautiful.
4.30am: Movements in peripheral vision are tremendously exaggerated. If somebody waves his hand, it appears as if he is waving with his whole arm. Some sounds hint at a strange kind of synesthesia, as if they show space, in the sense of what the dimensions of some things are, in an almost visual way. At some point, I think that some sounds produce smells. The effects are too weak to be sure; things could get interesting at higher dosage.
5am: go home. For some reason, I don't feel safe; also, there appear to be too many people high on coke, which doesn't blend in nicely with my atmosphere. I'd also like to see what kind of CEV's 2C-E gives on some selected CD's.
Biking home goes OK. Am a bit more polite than strictly necessary, because I don't like to be run over by a car whose speed/distance I misjudge. Realize that at 5AM, not everybody sticks strictly to traffic rules anymore. Anyway, soon I'm in an area where there is almost no traffic.
In this relatively quiet environment my mind suddenly goes into overdrive.
Power-thought #1: In the early days, muscles were the limiting and deciding factor to control things/people. Nowadays, you can think out constructions & machines to improve your `musclepower'. The best construction is that in which you have to use as little physical power as possible, and still have full control. Going on with this, the ultimate construction/powertool is that in which you lay your fate in the hands of a good programmed megacomputer, so that you also don't have to think anymore.
Of course, when you design contructions to ease your life, you get the best results when you have a good model of reality. You can design all the models you want, but in the end, reality has the last word with respect to mental constructs.
Power-thought #2: Although it is technologically possible to design a system in which there's food for everyone in the world, we won't do that. Simply to show that we *can* let people die of starvation.
Brutal? Absolutely. So what?
Start thinking somewhat about my place in society, and that I'm part of the oncoming `new generation'. Have some illusions about invincibility with respect to the `old generation'.
Then suddenly I get a mental slap on my wrists. My vision suddenly flashes back .3 to .5 seconds in time. There is something out there which you better don't mess around with, and that's nature. `nature' is not the right word; but it is something very old, very fundamental and very powerful.
(In retrospect, the next few moments feel like I'm living in a live-version of the matrix, or something similar.)
If `nature' wants to, it could repeat the last few meters of me biking over the streets forever. Or it could suddenly arrange a car coming from the left, killing me. And we wouldn't like that, would we?
(No we wouldn't)
[OK. Go on]
To remind me of its power, `it' stops a white car next to me. I think this car is a policecar; the last thing I would to experience at this moment is being stopped and questioned by the police. To avoid drawing attention I continue biking. The idea appears that I've done this many times before; an instant backtrack appears in which I end up in this situation every time. Every time I uncover reality this far, the police car appears. To avoid being arrested and brought up, I have to continue playing the game, and act as if I'm a model citizen. And to act like a model citizen, I have to remember everything a model citizen does in situations like these, and make no mistakes in remembering. Every time I make a mistake remembering, the police car appears, it's game over, and the game starts again in another situation.
Mentally, another scene is opened: friends of mine telling `O shit, he's having that dream again'. I have their support, because I'm capable of breaking out of this system. They're also trying to get out, with no luck this far.
Meanwhile, the previous story repeats three or four times, with increasing complexity.
In real life, I have to turn left to go home. While I'm still able to handle this, and continue biking home, another storyline unfolds: the universe is the place of a struggle between male and female, and if I make a definitive choice for either one, that side will win, and the game (or the universe) will be complete. The other side will do everything to influence my decision, so that I correct my choice over and over. The female side uses `round' shapes, and a kind of well-being to persuade me; the male side uses straight lines, and a sense of correctness and orderliness to keep me in their camp. (Police)cars come and go to force me to continue playing the game.
I arrive at my appartment. The worst part is yet to begin: I have to open to door, and in my confused state I try to open the door with the keys I used to lock my bike. Of course, this doesn't work, but I'm too far out to notice that I should take other keys. To confuse things even more, I've got two similar keys for two different bikes. In my state the problem reduces to
`I've got two similar keys; which one would be the right one to
open the front door? This one, or that one? If I choose the right key, the door will open itself. But then I have to be sure which key it is. And choosing a key means choosing one or two, male or female, ending the game or not.'
Looking at other keys generates instant storylines of situations which finally ended in `game over', and thus weren't good choices.
I try to argue that there are other choices than `one' or `two', such as `three', `four', `seven' or `much'. The female part somehow agrees with me. However, this argument is simply discarded by my consciousness; finally, it is a choice between `one' and `zero'. Just like life. One/zero is a continous fight, which is the essence of life, in combination with an urge to expand.
`I' am also a kind of bit-pattern; `life' is a superposition of
control-mechanisms on top of each other. The continuing struggle between male and female also takes place at molecular/receptor levels; each side tries to win from the other side by placing new control loops on top of the current system. Some forms of pleasure are typically male (all feelings associated with power), other (silently enjoying something) are typically female. It's misty outside, and there is some water condensing at my hair.
The feeling of `wet' hair, induces a faint feeling of pain. Which is
another control mechanism. Also, my uneasiness with the current situation is being used (by the male side) as a sort of punishment to keep me `in the system'.
All male actions use `force', whereas the female side thinks that it has been enough, that things don't need to be this way, and that a complete, all-encompassing solution exists which doesn't need this kind of force. It is not mentioned how to get to this solution, only that this view exists.
The patterns and structures mentioned above also present in our society; people `invent' keys, diploma's, trophy's, labels, brands and all other sorts of things to distinguish themselves, to communicate to other people what kind of experiences they've had, what their background/status is, and which `control mechanisms' they have. And also, here is a continuing struggle taking place, where `brands' are built on top of each other, trying to extend or invalidate each other. During the time that I'm experiencing this, I have the feeling as if I'm lifted to a higher level of consciousness/being, and that I can have a peek behind the curtains. The only problem is that I don't like the view. Infinity is a very lonely place. Also, the `force' which is able to control the universe if it wants is `only' the result of the `bits' doing their thing: expanding, living. If the bits weren't there, there would also be no `force'. Not that that makes it less powerfull, but it gives a bit of relativation to it.
After an eternity, some people I know who live in the same building come walking on. I say that I can't find my keys, and if I could get with them inside; at least, it's a bit warmer in the hall than before the door. I walk to my appartment, already panicing that now we're getting the same situation in front of another door. After a minute of not-knowing what to do know, I take my keys and open the door with the right key, and walk into my appartment-- leaving my conscious me totally flabbergasted. Suddenly, I'm abruptly down, although I'm still a bit shaky. CEV's are not really impressive. I'm terribly hungry, and eat some bread. Tastes good, and it doesn't make me nauseous. After a few minutes, I decide to try to go to sleep. Sleeping is OK.
Long-term side effect: I notice that in the next week, I'm a bit more hungry than normal. There are no lingering visual side-effects, which I've often noticed with 2C-T-2/7. This could be a training issue, since I was not particularly focused on visuals this time. OTOH, on some occasions I've had uncomfortable `deja-vu' feelings in which I recognized real-life situations which were similar to my trip. Guess that this experience was quite hard on my temporal lobe.
I'm a bit surprised that 12 mg 2C-E is already so powerful. I have mixed feelings about going higher in dosage. I suspect that going higher in dosage extends length and intensity of the visuals, and will give some really nice synaesthesia, but also extends the length (and intensity) of the `insight-time'. If I took a higher dosage, I would prefer to do so only in a controlled setting, preferably with a sitter nearby, since there is clearly a risk for deliriant behavior.
I think that 2C-E `works' by giving you first some visuals to chew on, and then, when you're relaxed enough, kicks you in the nuts with some heavy-duty insights. I also suspect that this particular story was an accident waiting to happen, simply because of the emotional setting I was in before starting this journey (which I can't eleborate on here). In that respect 2C-E is a `generic psychedelic', in a sense that the issues which are bothering you most come to the surface, and are acted out as in a dream. But the scary part is that it can be a real-life dream.
There is only one thing I'm wondering about: what would have happened if I had picked the right key?
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