| DOSE: |
30 mg |
oral |
AMT
|
(powder / crystals) |
| |
20 mg |
insufflated |
5-MeO-DMT
|
(powder / crystals) |
| |
112.5 mg |
insufflated |
Ketamine
|
(powder / crystals) |
The holiday of Purim is my favorite Jewish holiday, for a number of reasons, but the one which pertains most to this trip is the commandment to “get spiced until you don’t know.” (in Hebrew: Chaiav eesh livesumei b'purei ad deloh yadah) I felt that a good way to honor this commandment would be to do a nice little pile of drugs and see where they took me.
We started with AMT, which I was told would be a pleasant ~15 hour trip, something between MDMA and LSD, but that it was almost certain that it would start with ~2 hours of nausea and probable vomit. So I took a dramamine and smoked a bong to hopefully prevent that. I had barely any nausea at all, and never felt any need to vomit, which I was quite thankful for (there is nothing I like worse than vomit).
I did, however, get a surprising amount of jaw tension, which, due to my TMJ, is kinda painful. We watched two movies and I smoked some pot during this part of the trip, partially in the hopes that it would relax my jaw some. In all, the AMT mostly just left me with a ‘yup, I’m on drugs’ feeling. But the next part got a lot more interesting.
20 mg of 5-MeO-DMT and 100-125 mg of ketamine were measured out. I split each of those between my two little nostrils-- first the 5-MeO-DMT and then the Ketamine. The 5-MeO-DMT stung a little bit, kinda like when you are about to get a nosebleed, but it didn’t hurt. Within moments of taking the K, I became quite dizzy, disoriented and queasy. I put on my headphones with the Laputa soundtrack and lay down.
For the first track of the cd (2:26), I got more and more uncomfortable and got a general feeling of movement forward and disassociation with my body and senses. Although I could still hear the music by the end of the track, I no longer perceived it as music I was listening to, but almost thought of it as real, or a real hallucination, or divine, or from my self.
The second track (3:06) contributed a great deal to my visuals. At this point I was no longer seeing anything although my eyes were probably shut, I didn’t know whether they were or not. The first part of this track is tinkly and melodic and started the shiny bright fractals that I zoomed through. The sensation of movement increases and accelerates. Around 2:30 in this song, a trumpet solo starts, which is what begins my delusions of dying.
The next track (4:29) starts with startling music involving tubas that scares me even more. Somehow, I feel that I am dying. That my senses have left me because I am on the way to the end. As the music gets more urgent, I feel more and more like I am speeding towards some kind of judgement. And I was totally worried that nothing would be the same again (even though I know that that is true of every situation). A point comes where I feel sad but resigned about it.
By this point I am past all nausea or otherwise bad physical feelings—not really in touch with any senses at all, other than sounds (although totally unaware of my awareness of them). During this time, I think I may have been asking for help, but nothing that came out of my mouth sounded like anything I recognized as language, although it did seem to be making sense to others. (Sitter's note : At this point, Chaya was asked if she was doing okay. She replied 'No', and moaned a bit. Her eyes would briefly track movement, but then it became clear that she was no longer seeing with her eyes.) I am told that i never actually asked for help, but just moaned in distress. Suddenly, somewhere during this track, I came to the realization that I “didn’t know.” And that made me very, very happy, because i remembered that it was Purim, and that I had taken drugs in order to go beyond knowing. And that I had succeeded.
At that point, everything got much better and I just felt incredible pleasure and I think I sat up and the headphones came out of the discplayer. But I was still zooming and zooming through incredibly bright (like they’d be too bright to look at in real life—however, I was in actuality facing a window, outside of which was bright sunlight) fractal tunnels like roller coasters, and every time I went down a hill (which was all the time on a roller coaster like this) it felt all groin-tingly in that wonderful falling feeling. Here I began shouting (although I apparently shout quite quietly) “cool!” “wow!” and “kick-Ass!” a lot, uncontrollably. But I still felt as though the words were not the words I knew I was saying.
Looking back on this feeling, I think it had something to do with forgetting that I was wearing my bitesplint (for TMJ) and slurring/lisping because of it. I think I removed it at some point though, I cannot recall exactly when. Every now and then I would realize that I was shouting, and ask the room ‘Am I bothering you?” but I also felt like asking if I was bothering them would be more annoying than just shouting in glee, so I continued my rolling around on the floor exclaiming joy instead. I am not sure how long I did this for, as I had managed to disconnect my music. I’m also told that at the very beginning of that phase I exclaimed relief that I was not dead or dying.
The incredible zooming feeling faded slowly, leaving my vision swirling gently around the corners of objects in little spirals. I had taken out my contacts before we took the 5-MeO-DMT and the K and so things remained blurry well past the point that it was actually drug induced vision alteration. Once the intense zooming and visuals faded, I was left feeling pleasantly tired and cuddly. This afterglow lasted for a while I think. Although the joy in the experience hasn’t left me yet, and it has been several weeks now.
