Saturday, December 6th I finally got the opportunity to try DMT, something I had been looking forward to for some time. Through a complex series of coincidences (synchronocities) I was introduced to an urban shaman who was running ayahuasca sessions from his home. I was invited to participate in the next session.
I arrived around 5:15 pm. I was introduced to the my two fellow travelers, then we sat around and discussed the details of the impending session. We would be taking our ayahuasca as pharmahuasca. That is, the components were in capsules for easier ingestion. We took the harmine/harmaline mixture first (400 mg, 266 of which was harmine hcl and 133 mg harmaline hcl). After approximately half an hour, I ingested a capsule containing 75 mg DMT freebase, washing it down with a tea made from 1.5 gm of mushrooms and 1/4 of a lemon. This broke an 18 hour fast.
When I try a new drug I like to do so straight, without anything else to cloud up my perceptions of the drug. However, DMT is a special case, since orally by itself it does nothing. You need a MAO inhibitor to activate the DMT. The harm(al)ine mixture was the MAOI in this case. The mushrooms were added as a tryptamine "boost". In truth, the drug I experienced was ayahuasca, and there are as many different ayahuasca brews are there are people brewing it.
As the effects became apparent, I began to feel ill. As is often the case with my mushroom trips, my nausea and the psychedelic effects developed side by side. Our guide was playing music for us. I began to get very deeply involved with the music. It sounded extraordinarily clear.
My nausea continued to increase. I was thinking about a lot of things that I felt were somewhat out of hand in my life. I was focusing on a lot of negative aspects of my life. I was disconcerted, and wasn't much enjoying the trip. I had the thought that this wasn't about enjoyment, but about healing. I felt like the spirit of ayahuasca or DMT was suffusing my being and healing me. It felt like it was raking through my soul, finding all the twisted up clots and breaking them up, integrating them with the rest of my being.
I am amazed at just how much I got done. My mind was moving at incredible speed. I think I examined almost every aspect of my being. Every time I found something out of sorts, I was able to examine it easily and fix it. It was like I was being taught how to operate my mind (and to a lesser degree, my body). It felt like the DMT contained (or unlocked) operating instructions for my brain. When I came across emotionally sensitive spots, I would feel the pain associated with them, but was still able to examine the problem and reach a solution.
The whole time I felt remarkably clear headed. The DMT felt very "at home" in my brain. It didn't have a lot of psychedelic "noise" associated with it. It didn't have that tendency to drift into strange tangents like LSD and mushrooms sometimes do. It was similar to, but different than the clarity I experience on 2CB.
About an hour or so into it, I puked. It was a painful, violent vomit, probably the worst I have ever experienced. While I was throwing up, I wasn't thinking about anything but my stomach. I was busy being sick for a while. When I finished, my guide was there to hand me a tissue and take my bucket away.
Being sick was very cathartic. Soon afterwards, I was able to move away from all the negativity that had been the focus of the first part of my trip. I moved on to other areas. My thoughts were very fluid, flowing, and easy. I was able to look deeply into any aspect of whatever I was thinking about. I was able to pull out and examine my relationships from many different angles. I feel like I escaped my expectations and was able to look at things very clearly. This allowed me to resolve a lot of inner turmoil. It also felt like a decompression from the stress that had been mounting for the last few weeks.
This trip felt totally sacred. I was made aware of the importance of integrating the sacred with every aspect of life. I suddenly realized how far I had to go to make this real. It was humbling.
The experience was humbling in many ways, actually. It didn't so much flatten my ego as it deflated it. I saw I was becoming full of myself, and was able to take steps to correct this tendency. I also saw that healing and growth are ongoing processes, never finished.
I felt compelled to speak and make noise. I didn't, not wanting to disturb the others present, or interfere with the music, which was really awesome. I enjoyed the music (mostly Indian classical and electronic) greatly, but in the future I will have to try it without music, for comparison. I will likely explore the desire to make noise in the future as well.
My visuals were deep and complex. By thinking about various things I was able to visualize them very well. I would think about something I was doing, and see the results of this action. It was like "If you keep doing this, then this will happen". That was very interesting, and quite useful. The tracers or trails were amazing. LSD trails are almost strobe like, after images of movement. 2CB trails are somewhat smeary. DMT trails contained whole geometries. They were deep, almost as if you could fall into them.
My perceptions and awareness felt heightened. I was able to go into a trance of sorts, but a substantially different trance than mushrooms evoke. I felt more in control, or at least more lucid during tranced parts, and the trance kind of came and went. I suspect this may be dose related.
The trip felt very evolutionary. I though about my own evolution, and helping others to evolve. I also was very aware of my connections to the past (my parents, grandparents, etc) and to the future (my child, and any future children I might have). I thought about my childhood, and was able to see how events there shaped my current behavior. I saw what my parents had done right and where I could improve on that.
I had this idea of drugs as molecular language. As I was thinking about this, the phrase "Mushrooms are a dialect of DMT" popped into my head. I saw the tryptamine family like a language family, with DMT as the prototype language, and the rest as descended from it.
I gave a lot of thought to the book "Stranger in a Strange Land" by Robert Heinlein. It is one of my favorite books, and I thought about how it had affected me and thousands (or millions) of other people. I was awed by the beauty of it, and took a moment to thank RAH for writing it. The ideas presented therein are very psychedelic, and I recommend it to anyone who hasn't read it.
After some time I was feeling more sober, and I sat reflecting on the experience. I was amazed at the incredible density and clarity of the trip. I feel like I examined nearly every aspect of my existence. I think I could spend months unraveling it all. My mushroom trips have a similar depth, but they are generally more cosmic and far out, and therefor harder to remember. DMT was very clear and to the point.
I smoked some cannabis with my guide and one of my fellow travelers and we all settled down to sleep. My sleep was light but refreshing. I awoke in excellent spirits at around 8:30 am.
I am eager to try smoking DMT as a comparison. I understand, to a degree, the speed of DMT. It felt like greased lightning in my mind. It raced through my ideas and my visions came almost too fast to be absorbed. I experienced so much during the trip, it is hard to remember it all.
I got an amazing amount accomplished on this trip as far as metaprogramming goes. I was able to think through and resolve several knotty issues I have been dealing with, and it gave me new perspective on a few that resisted easy solutions. I look forward to my next opportunity to experience this state. DMT is a teacher of similar stature to the Mushroom